I’m frustrated with my therapist and I want to quit.

Brownie3

New Here
Ugh! I’m so frustrated! I’ve been with this therapist for 4 months. I’ve shared (for the first time ever) my CSA which was incredibly painful. I chose to share this because I felt like I needed to. There have been times when I have felt that she is trying to genuinely help and cares about my well being. But most of the time when I talk/share she is silent and says “uh-huh.” I feel that she is frustrated that I’m not grasping this whole inner child thing. She HAS had to repeat herself and RE-explain. But lately I feel like she’s frustrated with me and even zings me with sarcastic hurtful remarks. I don’t feel like I’m doing this correctly and trust me, I’m frustrated with myself. But I’m only told how I’m not doing this correctly… I never get words of encouragement.
I actually like her directness. I don’t like a “yes-man.” But lately it’s felt hurtful. She has a “take it or leave it… it’s your choice” attitude. This makes me angry because the there’s only one right choice. I’m not 4.
She acts bored and irritated and I don’t think she genuinely likes me as a person. Why am I still going?? Because I’ve invested so much money/time and most of my insurance benefits by going to her. Starting over when this person already know my story seems harder than sticking with her. I’m afraid if I quit… I will never start this process again. UGH! Any advice?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I'm sorry that is happening.
.have you spoken about this with your T? Does she know how you feel about her interventions?

Maybe speaking about it with her might help you decide what you want to do?
If she doesn't reflect and apologise and change: then find a new T.
 

Waterbear

Confident
She doesn't sound like someone I would work with, and realistically, 4 months is quite a short time investment wise, so maybe better to cut your losses, especially given how you have already tried to bring up difficulties with her and not been listened to, acknowledged, accepted etc.

Only you can decide the way forwards but she definitely doesn't sound like the kind of person I could have a therapeutic relationship with!!
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Why am I still going?? Because I’ve invested so much money/time and most of my insurance benefits by going to her. Starting over when this person already know my story seems harder than sticking with her. I’m afraid if I quit… I will never start this process again.
I get that. Been there a number of times. The difference is that I've been seeing mine for 9 years. Four months is really not a lot of time when it comes to trauma. She sounds dismissive. I could never work with someone like that. Can you see yourself with her in a year? Might be better to transfer to someone else now rather than wait.

I understand that feeling like you are afraid you won't start over. Maybe she can help you transition to someone else and provide support in that process?
 

Starfire

Confident
Ugh! I’m so frustrated! I’ve been with this therapist for 4 months. I’ve shared (for the first time ever) my CSA which was incredibly painful. I chose to share this because I felt like I needed to. There have been times when I have felt that she is trying to genuinely help and cares about my well being. But most of the time when I talk/share she is silent and says “uh-huh.” I feel that she is frustrated that I’m not grasping this whole inner child thing. She HAS had to repeat herself and RE-explain. But lately I feel like she’s frustrated with me and even zings me with sarcastic hurtful remarks. I don’t feel like I’m doing this correctly and trust me, I’m frustrated with myself. But I’m only told how I’m not doing this correctly… I never get words of encouragement.
I actually like her directness. I don’t like a “yes-man.” But lately it’s felt hurtful. She has a “take it or leave it… it’s your choice” attitude. This makes me angry because the there’s only one right choice. I’m not 4.
She acts bored and irritated and I don’t think she genuinely likes me as a person. Why am I still going?? Because I’ve invested so much money/time and most of my insurance benefits by going to her. Starting over when this person already know my story seems harder than sticking with her. I’m afraid if I quit… I will never start this process again. UGH! Any advice?
How do you do therapy *correctly*? As far as I know there is no one proper way. I can't comment on her repeating as it sometimes takes me 10 times hearing the same thing before it dawns on me what my T meant! With one T we set goals. That was helpful for awhile.

So sorry you are not relating well with her. You are right, starting over with another T is difficult. And yes there is the tendency to not want to go thru it all again. I had a T fire me but she was kind enough to hook me up with a more experienced T. I gave them permission to talk to each other. Don't know how much of that happened. She said sometimes you outgrow your T. Do you know how she feels about that?

Hope you can work it out so you value therapy. Please let us know how you work it out.
 

Friday

Moderator
Why am I still going?? Because I’ve invested so much money/time and most of my insurance benefits by going to her.
So you’re NOT going because you like her directness/feel like you’re a good fit personality-wise & have a connection you think will be incredibly useful to you moving forward; NOR that she’s helping you, even if you don’t get on in a personal way... but because you’ve already paid her a bunch of money. So you’d like to continue paying her a whole helluva lot more money. For disliking you and not helping you.

You realize, I hope, this makes no sense.

I DO understand the emotional reasoning, but emotions don’t logic so hot, that’s why we have brains to actually reason.

The logistics, of already having used up most of your insurance benefits for the year ARE a very reasonable component of this problem. Except for one thing; if you’re almost out of benefits? Why. On. Earth. would you want to squander what’s left with someone you aren’t learning from and have and almost-but-not-really “good fit” with... rather than spending what’s left finding someone that you fit with AND can learn from?
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
That doesn't sound very good at all. I'd maybe cut your losses and find someone else. I wouldn't want to go and see someone that behaved like that towards me.
 

TxFarmer

New Here
I experienced this last week. I let her know I felt I needed to try to find a support system (here I am) since I have no family and the person I thought was my good friend does not understand what I am going through on a daily basis. She changes the subject back to her life when I try to open up. I explained how frustrating it is becoming. No help finding the support system, no mention of it at all. She wanted me to work on putting myself in her shoes and seeing it from her side of things. I'm out.

Seeing your T again is your decision but from what your saying, it does not help you and your recovery to have this T make you feel the way they do. Remember the "Do No Harm" and they are hurting you and your progress. I am starting over too because that is what is best for me to move forward.

Think about what YOU really need and go for it. Put yourself first. Good luck to you on your journey.
 
K

Kylie

I`m so sorry to hear that. The therapist should be able to be patient and empathic. That is her job and she can`t dictate that you have to work with inner child if you aren`t ready for that. There are other methods too. She must be able to work with you in a way that is also comfortable for you.
I began actually also therapy and I experienced my therapist insecure and spurious beside the irritation seem to be real. I decided that i will quit, because it i a burden for me to go to therapy under such conditions. Especially because research has shown that the main factor for a successful therapy is a good relationship between patient and therapist. So I would advise you to do the same, even though it takes energy to search and begin a again.
 

that_1_girl

Confident
I don’t want to get into why I know this right now but your T’s behavior is NOT OK. 4 months is barely any time at all. I have worked with some of my former therapists for as long as 10 years. I completely get that therapy and health insurance are treated like luxuries by the healthcare system (at least in the US) and it is SO NOT OK. If you have the chance to find a different T, do it now before you waste any more of your time and money. Both are valuable but especially your time and ability to trust.
 
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