I’m So Angry

Issie

Learning
I’ve been with this man for over two years. First year of Covid he lived with me. Between that and CPTSD it was stressful and Christmas 2020 we temporarily split. Best thing ever as this led to me meeting a Counsellor who has straightened my brain and helped me get more control. It also meant that my relationship with this man was on a much better footing and things have been going sooooo well. UNTIL he gets offered a piece of work which will result in a fat bank balance and all of a sudden this man turns into the most arrogant short tempered self indulgent person I’ve ever met. I’ve stayed completely out of his way while he’s working thinking it was stress but no……last week he decided after staying over at mine he doesnt want to stay in the relationship. Says it’s not what he wants. Ok I get that and I respect it too. It’s agreed we’ll say that we wanted different things. Then I discover he has been telling his family that he can’t cope with my CPTSD and that it’s affecting him etc. It’s so untrue! I’m at a stage that I recognise triggers and back away. Just before Christmas we were out having fun in London, partying, dinners out, pubs etc. had a blast. Why oh why would you do it???? Now of course I’ve tail spinned into full on PTSD and struggling to gain control.
 

Friday

Moderator
last week he decided after staying over at mine he doesnt want to stay in the relationship. Says it’s not what he wants. Ok I get that and I respect it too. It’s agreed we’ll say that we wanted different things. Then I discover he has been telling his family that he can’t cope with my CPTSD and that it’s affecting him etc. It’s so untrue!
Reality check whilst offering pint of Häagen Das & 2 spoons… 🍨

You realize at the beginning of this statement you say that you get & respect that this relationship isn’t what he wants, but by the the statement you’ve reversed yourself?

Not everyone can handle being in a relationship with PTSD, or a film star, or someone who’s deaf, or a diplomat, or a single parent, or an artist, or active duty military, or, or, or, or. It, whatever it is, simply affects them too deeply and they can’t cope with it. They want something different for their lives.

Now of course I’ve tail spinned into full on PTSD and struggling to gain control.
Vexing as hell, amirite?

Part of my personal creed is to not make hard things harder… yet I have a disorder that looooooooves to do… exactly that. 😵‍💫 Great big stressor = great big symptom spike. Because Stress Cup. The heartbreak & disappointment & lost potential of a relationship ending isn’t enough, oh no, let’s body slam into a cactus!!! 🌵 Sigh. Fawking PTSD.

The only real upside I can offer here, is that my BEST relationships? Have never included anyone who cannot handle fundamental things about me. Instead? They love and adore, and their best selves are catapulted to the surface, the exact same things that drive others crazy, or that others want to fix/change/if only blah blah blah. So no matter how amazing this relationship was before it ended? There are even better relationships on the horizon. With people who not only delight in YOU, but who also don’t become arrogant self centered assholes as soon as they start making decent money.
 

Issie

Learning
Combustible lemon Friday I’m here on the opposite side of the table spoon in hand Haagen Das ready. I hear what you say. It isnt that he could t cope with the PTSD I get that. What’s got me is he doesn’t want me to say anything about him to anyone yet he’s divulging my personal circumstance to everyone else. Today I’m told he’s confided in his friend who popped round to see if I was ok. I’m embarrassed, humiliated and defensive just at a time in my life when I was doing well. The final line of your message……the three words…..self centred arsehole. …..yes that fits!
 

Starfire

Confident
I’ve been with this man for over two years. First year of Covid he lived with me. Between that and CPTSD it was stressful and Christmas 2020 we temporarily split. Best thing ever as this led to me meeting a Counsellor who has straightened my brain and helped me get more control. It also meant that my relationship with this man was on a much better footing and things have been going sooooo well. UNTIL he gets offered a piece of work which will result in a fat bank balance and all of a sudden this man turns into the most arrogant short tempered self indulgent person I’ve ever met. I’ve stayed completely out of his way while he’s working thinking it was stress but no……last week he decided after staying over at mine he doesnt want to stay in the relationship. Says it’s not what he wants. Ok I get that and I respect it too. It’s agreed we’ll say that we wanted different things. Then I discover he has been telling his family that he can’t cope with my CPTSD and that it’s affecting him etc. It’s so untrue! I’m at a stage that I recognise triggers and back away. Just before Christmas we were out having fun in London, partying, dinners out, pubs etc. had a blast. Why oh why would you do it???? Now of course I’ve tail spinned into full on PTSD and struggling to gain control.
Sounds to me that it is an excuse he gives his family to say it's not my fault, it's hers. Also sounds like he is looking for a good time, not a real relationship. Nothing wrong with that as long as both people are on the same page. I have a couple friends that I can call to party with but nothing more serious. Not a bad thing. They feel the same way towards me.

Don't let this bring you down. You sound like a competent, capable, stable, wise woman. So you stepped off that path. Step back on it.
 

Issie

Learning
Thank you so much Starfire. The relationship was committed otherwise he would not have moved into my house. possibly his lucrative deal enabled him to afford living back at his again. Either way, I am sharpening my heels and as suggested stepping back on that path. I have changed my mobile records so when he calls his name comes up as Combustable Lemon Friday suggests …… Self Centred Arsehole……so satisfying while not answering. I’m also finding my anger is dissipating my PTSD symptoms - go figure?
 

Starfire

Confident
Thank you so much Starfire. The relationship was committed otherwise he would not have moved into my house. possibly his lucrative deal enabled him to afford living back at his again. Either way, I am sharpening my heels and as suggested stepping back on that path. I have changed my mobile records so when he calls his name comes up as Combustable Lemon Friday suggests …… Self Centred Arsehole……so satisfying while not answering. I’m also finding my anger is dissipating my PTSD symptoms - go figure?
Great to hear! Righteous anger!!
 
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