Sufferer I’ve been diagnosed with complex PTSD at 65 years old after 41 years in ‘recovery‘ programs

Janet Anne

New Here
Thank you for all I have found on here. After 41 years in recovery from addictions and using 12 step program that could not get to the bottom of what was wrong with me, i started getting panic attacks and different kinds of flashbacks, to traumatic situations, indecided for the first time to try therapy and the organisation referred me to Pete walkers books and told me they’d seen me in them. I have been in therapy for 13 weeks, I really needed the help. I am an isolator, I was a silent child even though physically able to speak, I could not bring myself to outside of the home I was almost silent until years in recovery and I have been unable to engage with my recovery fellowship online. I can listen but I have not connected with anyone on there
My parents were both depressed when I was born and during childhood it was very quiet and I suffered terrible insecurity and fears of abandonment... at 12, I was given high doses of tranquillisers and sleeping drugs and at 15 injecting heroin and anything else I could put into my body. I was a junkie for nine years doing whatever it took to get what I needed and along the way, I was in a lot of traumatising situations, being imprisoned quite a few times, hostaged, abducted, and in and out out various institutions including prison, and l
psychiatric hospital
In recovery I have found it hard to speak in any recovery fellowship I am still an isolator, and i rarely let anyone know about my past but the people on here sound something like me... I identify with so much that is on here and I don’t want to be a secret anymore
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome, @Janet Anne!! I have a lot of years clean and sober too and it wasn't until I started therapy many years ago, that things really started to make sense to me. A lot of people here clean, not all from 12 steps, but there are many ways to get and stay clean.

Congratulations on starting therapy and following up with more support. Hope you find many things you relate to and find new ways to make things happen in your life.

I am the oppostie of you. I'm just NOW getting quieter. But all the in-between stuff we have a lot in common.

Take your time finding your way around and hope we see you around. A lot to read here!!
 

Janet Anne

New Here
Welcome, @Janet Anne!! I have a lot of years clean and sober too and it wasn't until I started therapy many years ago, that things really started to make sense to me. A lot of people here clean, not all from 12 steps, but there are many ways to get and stay clean.

Congratulations on starting therapy and following up with more support. Hope you find many things you relate to and find new ways to make things happen in your life.

I am the oppostie of you. I'm just NOW getting quieter. But all the in-between stuff we have a lot in common.

Take your time finding your way around and hope we see you around. A lot to read here!!
Thank you so much
 

Janet Anne

New Here
Thank you so much
I am left with outward signs of trauma like very bad self harm scars and I have suffered with shame over them for the years since I stopped cutting myself but last year, at 63, I fulfilled a promise to myself to have them covered with tattoos - after being shamed by some people on an escalator on my first trip out in decades in a tee shirt, arms showing feeling brave... I decided then that I’d have to do something and I planned that when I could, I would have tattoos done to cover as far as these scars go and beyond.
I was the oldest person at that time visiting the tattooists I found it uncomfortable but it just had to be done, it took a few trips but I feel happy with what I’ve done and no one can see my past displayed on me... I am too sensitive to be judged for them but I’m pleased to have something different to look at not to be reminded where my head was at when I hurt my self .. the incident on the escalator of being shamed really put me in a bad place and I wanted to hide ... I know the scars are there underneath that I have to live with - but at least strangers don’t know
 

intothelight

Sponsor
I was the oldest person at that time visiting the tattooists
Hi Janet Anne,

Welcome to the forum. This made me smile as one of my best friends is 65 and got her first tatoo. She went with her daughter and granddaughter for an intergenerational tatoo so I hope this is changing as people, regardless of their age, choose to do things for themselves for their own self expression.. I hope you find this site helpful as their are many of us working to recover from PTSD and the support is great.
 

Janet Anne

New Here
Hi Janet Anne,

Welcome to the forum. This made me smile as one of my best friends is 65 and got her first tatoo. She went with her daughter and granddaughter for an intergenerational tatoo so I hope this is changing as people, regardless of their age, choose to do things for themselves for their own self expression.. I hope you find this site helpful as their are many of us working to recover from PTSD and the support is
welcome, always room on the bus for another. You sound like you are headed for a better place, and have some momentum built up, always a good thing to hear about.
Thank you yes I have done a lot of work on myself over a long time just not on the effects of trauma, but I feel my therapy is gradually getting me talking about the stuff that my recovery program could not reach... I’m just thankful to be opening up a little bit at last
 
T

tranix

Thank you for all I have found on here. After 41 years in recovery from addictions and using 12 step program that could not get to the bottom of what was wrong with me, i started getting panic attacks and different kinds of flashbacks, to traumatic situations, indecided for the first time to try therapy and the organisation referred me to Pete walkers books and told me they’d seen me in them. I have been in therapy for 13 weeks, I really needed the help. I am an isolator, I was a silent child even though physically able to speak, I could not bring myself to outside of the home I was almost silent until years in recovery and I have been unable to engage with my recovery fellowship online. I can listen but I have not connected with anyone on there
My parents were both depressed when I was born and during childhood it was very quiet and I suffered terrible insecurity and fears of abandonment... at 12, I was given high doses of tranquillisers and sleeping drugs and at 15 injecting heroin and anything else I could put into my body. I was a junkie for nine years doing whatever it took to get what I needed and along the way, I was in a lot of traumatising situations, being imprisoned quite a few times, hostaged, abducted, and in and out out various institutions including prison, and l
psychiatric hospital
In recovery I have found it hard to speak in any recovery fellowship I am still an isolator, and i rarely let anyone know about my past but the people on here sound something like me... I identify with so much that is on here and I don’t want to be a secret anymore
It is good that your finally coming to grips with what happened. It is not quite too late. You still have time to reclaim so what was taken from you. Make it your mission to recover, then help others recover.
 
Top