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I’ve Never Had An Episode This Severe

Ava_06

New Here
I don’t know how to start this. I’m new here, and I didn’t want to believe I had PTSD, although 2 therapists have diagnosed me during different stages of my life, including one quite recently. I don’t know many of my triggers yet, mainly because I was in denial about having PTSD because why me? Sure I’ve had many traumatic things happen to me at different ages but I’m sure people have gone through worse, and I’m sure some people haven’t developed PTSD from it.

Loud noises trigger me in general, but at most it makes me very irritated and snappy at people. It’s typically loud, repetitive noises over a period of time that really make me freak out.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve had an episode remotely as severe as this one. Maybe it’s never been this severe before now.

So I have a big, around 100 pound dog. He’s very territorial, and can bark extremely loud. It’s so loud that you can even hear it as you’re walking down the sidewalk a few yards from our house, through the house itself. That’s why our house gets a lot of stares from passerby’s- he’s always barking, even when my parents who he’s known for 12+ years of his life arrive home. I’m so sick of it. He wouldn’t stop barking earlier and my brother was screaming at him and he still wouldn’t quit. I would never hurt my dog, but he just wouldn’t stop and I wanted to punch him and punch him until he’d stop. Because I felt like I was in danger then for whatever reason, so my mind deducted that if I fought the danger or made myself seem bigger than I appear, then it would go away. But logically I wasn’t even in danger.

It’s pretty foggy from there as I lacked mental clarity for around a good 10-15 minutes and wasn’t really mentally all that present. I remember my chest feeling like it was going to explode, and feeling like I was going to die. I don’t know why I felt that way but it’s a feeling I’ll never ever forget. I couldn’t control my breathing either, and even though I was breathing it felt like it wasn’t enough and I wasn’t getting any air. I wanted to get away from the danger but there was no where for me to go, besides my bedroom but you can still hear him so loudly from there. I curled up on my bed and rocked myself as I tried so hard to breath and not to cry and to keep my chest from exploding. Luckily after another 5 minutes I slowly came to and my mind started to become more clear. It happens around the take my dog finally decided to stop barking.

I feel so bad saying this but for the almost 13 years my dog has been in my family, I’ve never bonded or connected with him. Because he’s too loud and won’t stop, so I try to avoid him at any costs. It makes me so irritated and I cannot stand it. It makes me irrationally scared and I don’t like it at all.

I’m afraid due to my stress and that episode that I’ll have a very bad nightmare tonight. I don’t get nightmares nearly as much as I used to when I was younger, but they are pretty graphic. And of horrid situations ranging from the things that have actually happened to me to things that could happen or people I love dying and it being all my fault. Basically all of my greatest fears. They’re so bad I tend to remember them even years afterward. I don’t want to sleep tonight. I’m too scared. I’ll don’t want a nightmare like that again I wake up thinking it actually happened and it takes a minute or two for me to come too clearly back to reality.

I texted my therapist as she gave me her number for things like this and she gave me coping mechanisms. Obviously she wants to talk about this at my next appointment in a few days. I’m too ashamed that I got an episode like that over a dog barking. I’d rather forget it but I know that won’t happen. How do I make it go away?
 
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I’m too ashamed that I got an episode like that over a dog barking.
With ptsd, triggers can be anything. One of my trickiest was grey carpet. Bawling panic attacks in shopping centres, doctor surgeries, anywhere and everywhere.

Talk to your T about it. Because with ptsd, it not only makes sense, you can do something about it.

Grey carpet is almost a non-event for me now (exposure therapy), and I can breathe my way out of panic attacks with really good reliability. Learned skills, available to everyone:)
 
With ptsd, triggers can be anything. One of my trickiest was grey carpet. Bawling panic attacks in shopping centres, doctor surgeries, anywhere and everywhere.

Talk to your T about it. Because with ptsd, it not only makes sense, you can do something about it.

Grey carpet is almost a non-event for me now (exposure therapy), and I can breathe my way out of panic attacks with really good reliability. Learned skills, available to everyone:)
Thank you so much :)
 
New symptoms, or suddenly worse symptoms, are always freaky. Oh. We go to THIS level now?!? Faaaaaaawk. >.<

Completely normal.

They’ll also back down, to where you’re comfortable/familiar with. It’s “just” a symptom spike. They happen. And are nothing to be afraid of.
I’m glad to know that this happens to other people- I appreciate your reply!!
 
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