Other I abused my cat in the past, how can I forgive myself?

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Firefly22

Policy Enforcement
Hear me out, I was only 9 years old when I got my first cat, her name was kitty, she was a female, she was a very sweet and cute cat and me and her shared a special bond, until one day, I don't know what happened to me, the feeling I can't describe is that I lost control of my body and emotions, it's as if someone was controlling me, I grabbed an air refresher bottle and started hitting my cat really hard until her tooth chipped off, now let me tell you that I am not an abuser, I am a very well behaved gentle and kind hearted person, especially as a kid, I am now 18 years old, but anyways, I did this about 4-5 times, until one day, I collapsed on the floor crying and saying to whoever I was "please stop, I can't control it, whatever it is or who you are please get out of my body" and after I did this, it never happened again, my cat was scared of me, it would run away everytime she saw me, but then when I changed in a matter of overnight, she wasn't scared of me, she actually approached me, it's like she looked into my eyes and said "I know it wasn't you" but let me tell you the abuse I did to that cat was so bad, horrible, I don't know what happened, but I am religious, I am a Muslim female, I believe that maybe I got possessed or something, because it really wasn't me, I would never have done a thing, I spent years crying and feeling guilt over what I did, can someone please explain what was wrong with me, (please no hate I know what I did was wrong and I will never do it again) what I felt was if I "switched" a blink of an eye and I was back in my body, looking at my hand and my poor cat in pain, I would start crying and apologizing to my cat, and I swear she looked at me like she understood, I loved that cat so much I would never do such a thing...but I did. Oh and let me add that I have had paranormal experiences in my past before the incident.
 

Rumors

MyPTSD Pro
So.... this is a site for people who suffer from ptsd, or who are supporters of someone with ptsd. Are you currently being treated for that or perhaps are looking to learn more about it? Otherwise I am not sure you are in the right spot...
 

Firefly22

Policy Enforcement
So.... this is a site for people who suffer from ptsd, or who are supporters of someone with ptsd. Are you currently being treated for that or perhaps are looking to learn more about it? Otherwise I am not sure you are in the right spot...
How about don't comment if u have nothing to say about it? If this isn't ptsd then what is? Seems like you're clueless about it
 

Rumors

MyPTSD Pro
How about don't comment if u have nothing to say about it? If this isn't ptsd then what is? Seems like you're clueless about it
The DSM has a specific definition for PTSD. Your story doesn't fit into that criteria. Clearly you feel threatened by being asked about it which still isn't a form of PTSD but possibly other mental health disorders. I reported the post. The site is for people with PTSD and I find your post insulting to those of us who fight the battle daily. You lost your temper and beat an animal. That isn't PTSD, that is plain and simple animal abuse. You are looking for people to validate you and make you feel less bad by purporting it as a paranormal experience and that somehow you are the victim... not happening...
 
@Firefly22 ... when I was 13, my friend and I killed his cat. I regretted it pretty much from the instant our parents found out about it and I brought a lot of shame and guilt about it all the way through adulthood. In order for me to truly forgive myself, I had to understand exactly why I did it. I figured it out with the help of therapy, and it brought up a lot of things I didn't want to see about myself and my family.

I am still responsible for taking a life and I always will be. I am guilty of that despicable act. But I am no longer ashamed.

There is no such thing as the paranormal. Suggesting that you abused another living being for some kind of paranormal reason is just you pretending, so you don't have to take any blame for doing it. But you did it.

Now, really, why did you do it?
 
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