I am tired and no therapist understand me

  • Thread starter Deleted member 52153
  • Start date
D

Deleted member 52153

Hi,

i've made seven years a therapy, because of my abusive family.
No one could help me. The reason is, that for them the solution is very easy: leave your family.
I am living in Germany, and I think it could be a cultur problem. I am a turkish woman, and some of us are more emotional, and not so rational.

My dissosiation and my dependent mental state and my guilt is my main problem.

My therapist couldn't understand me.
They made for example a CBT therapy and said, I only have to change my believe.
If I could this, I wouldn't seek for help.


Do someone know this too? You say them, you have flashbacks, and you have anxiety and they give you so simple answers, that you feel, that nobody hear your real problem with destructive core beliefs, which you cannot change with affirmations.

Thank you for reading this post.

Have a nice weekend.
 
D

Deleted member 52153

Hi,

thank you for the welcome and for your feedback.
I am now searching for communitys or for help for familiy members with mother/siblings with a personality disorder.

I dont know why, but my therapists all couln't understand me.
I make a phone call today, and said: "my familiy is abusive, but I am afraid to let my mother go, because I am afraid she could be suicidal."
The woman on the phone says:"if your mother kill herself, that is her problem, not yours"
I don't know, but this answer is for me so heartless.
I am searching for someone (in Germany) who knows the pain of familiy members with abusive families, and can help them, how to have a healthy distance.

I could never let my mom kill herself.

Can you understand my feelings and what I mean?
 
D

Deleted member 52153

Thank you for your welcome and feedback.

In this seven years, I've changed the therapist, but it doesn't help.

My mother has a personality disorder, may be a few.also my sister. And they say, it is her (my mothers) problem, if she get mental ill, if I leave her.
I am searching for a solution, how I can change my core believes and set healthy boundarys, without leaving her. I love my mother. I know she doesn't want to abuse me, it is her disorder.

I will try to search someone, who knows the problems of family members.

At this time I am reading books of Beverly Engel. Do you know her?
I hope I can find a solution.

I think, I am searching here validation. Validation, that it is not so simple to change or to leave.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Can you understand my feelings and what I mean?
Oh yes. I understand. Leaving is not easy. And no matter what is wrong with your mom, she is your mom.

I only have to change my believe.
This is not as easy as some therapists make it seem. And sometimes, there are other things that contribute to how we feel. Sometimes, there are physical issues that have to be addressed in a different way.

I'm really sorry you are dealing with a lack of understanding from others. I hope you find some here!
 

Sideways

Moderator
I struggled against CBT for a long time. Trauma-focused therapy helped a lot - cbt is useful for learning how to seperate out thoughts and emotions (crazy helpful) and not getting held ransom by thoughts in particular, and it is one of the very very few evidence-based therapies for ptsd specifically. But, it definitely has its limitations. Like with shifting core beliefs. It's helpful in identifying core beliefs, but it takes more advanced work and time to change them.

Re your mum - it's waaay more complex than "just leave", or "if she kills herself, it isn't your fault".

It's true that someone else suiciding isn't your fault. But, to me, the issue is more the obvious distress that 'leaving' seems to create for her. It makes sense that you don't want to be the cause of that kind of distress.

That doesn't mean you can't leave though. You can, but it may just take more time, planning, and a lot of communication with mum. Making her part of the process of you moving towards living on your own might be helpful. Include her in conversations and planning, reassurance that moving out doesn't have to mean "no longer part of each others life", etc.
 

NoWhereKnowWhere

MyPTSD Pro
It sounds like you need a therapist either from your culture or with some cultural knowledge and experience. Which great news is very doable now after covid. A lot of therapists are offering zoom sessions.

A trained trauma therapist with years of experience from a similar culture to yourself might make a huge difference.

It’s not you I’ve heard this many times that cultural aspect is sometimes something therapists don’t take into account. We’re all human and have our blind spots. It’s also not uncommon for people with trauma to not take so great to cbt it can feel invalidating and it’s not what is recommended for trauma therapy anymore. And it doesn’t really matter what modality your T uses the therapeutic relationship is the most important aspect and if that’s not working you deserve a therapist who can see from your point of view.
 

BIgLittle

Confident
Hi,

i've made seven years a therapy, because of my abusive family.
No one could help me. The reason is, that for them the solution is very easy: leave your family.
I am living in Germany, and I think it could be a cultur problem. I am a turkish woman, and some of us are more emotional, and not so rational.

My dissosiation and my dependent mental state and my guilt is my main problem.

My therapist couldn't understand me.
They made for example a CBT therapy and said, I only have to change my believe.
If I could this, I wouldn't seek for help.


Do someone know this too? You say them, you have flashbacks, and you have anxiety and they give you so simple answers, that you feel, that nobody hear your real problem with destructive core beliefs, which you cannot change with affirmations.

Thank you for reading this post.

Have a nice weekend.
Hej,

Welcome to the forum.

What is your real problem? Maybe you can find some help here.

Affirmations are good and I believe in them. I also think that there are a number of things you can do to work on your core beliefs. The total mix of a lot of different things will help you with your core beliefs, because that was the way your original core beliefs were created and installed. By a lot of different things in a total mix.

Good that you have this community which is open minded to all.


Courage.
 

caroline_13

Confident
Hi,

i've made seven years a therapy, because of my abusive family.
No one could help me. The reason is, that for them the solution is very easy: leave your family.
I am living in Germany, and I think it could be a cultur problem. I am a turkish woman, and some of us are more emotional, and not so rational.

My dissosiation and my dependent mental state and my guilt is my main problem.

My therapist couldn't understand me.
They made for example a CBT therapy and said, I only have to change my believe.
If I could this, I wouldn't seek for help.


Do someone know this too? You say them, you have flashbacks, and you have anxiety and they give you so simple answers, that you feel, that nobody hear your real problem with destructive core beliefs, which you cannot change with affirmations.

Thank you for reading this post.

Have a nice weekend.
Hi Lilly_76,

I have struggled with much of what you mention.

I also know that the simplicity given to me by therapists has been maddening at times and at other times comforting.

You will find your way: and I agree you can change your beliefs. It's easier to see change on something you don't grip tightly. If that makes sense, please use it.
 
D

Deleted member 52153

Oh yes. I understand. Leaving is not easy. And no matter what is wrong with your mom, she is your mom.


This is not as easy as some therapists make it seem. And sometimes, there are other things that contribute to how we feel. Sometimes, there are physical issues that have to be addressed in a different way.

I'm really sorry you are dealing with a lack of understanding from others. I hope you find some here!
Thank you very much. It helpes me a lot, if I feel that someone understands me.

Lre are a number of things you can do to work on your core beliefs. The total mix of a lot of different things will help you with your core beliefs, because that was the way your original core beliefs were created and installed. By a

I struggled against CBT for a long time. Trauma-focused therapy helped a lot - cbt is useful for learning how to seperate out thoughts and emotions (crazy helpful) and not getting held ransom by thoughts in particular, and it is one of the very very few evidence-based therapies for ptsd specifically. But, it definitely has its limitations. Like with shifting core beliefs. It's helpful in identifying core beliefs, but it takes more advanced work and time to change them.

Re your mum - it's waaay more complex than "just leave", or "if she kills herself, it isn't your fault".

It's true that someone else suiciding isn't your fault. But, to me, the issue is more the obvious distress that 'leaving' seems to create for her. It makes sense that you don't want to be the cause of that kind of distress.

That doesn't mean you can't leave though. You can, but it may just take more time, planning, and a lot of communication with mum. Making her part of the process of you moving towards living on your own might be helpful. Include her in conversations and planning, reassurance that moving out doesn't have to mean "no longer part of each others life", etc.
Thank you,

as they said that to me, I felt so lonley and tired.
I think, I really wanted only someone who validated me.
Therefore I am here.

Thanks a lot, your kind words helped me!

Hi Lilly_76,

I have struggled with much of what you mention.

I also know that the simplicity given to me by therapists has been maddening at times and at other times comforting.

You will find your way: and I agree you can change your beliefs. It's easier to see change on something you don't grip tightly. If that makes sense, please use it.
Thanks so much for your lovely words!
 
Top