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I avoid sex

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BlueWeepingRose

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I avoid sex. I know this is too much info, but once I masturbated and I cried afterwards. Than my whole body started shaking. So now I try to avoid sex or masturbating. There's guys I like or who I'm attracted too but I'm scared that they'll use me as a sexual object or rape me. I'm scared of getting close to men now and when I do end up liking them, I try to push the thoughts away because I know I will end up crying if I do anything sexual with them. Being in a relationship isn't what I should be doing right now, I should be trying to heal from things first. Feeling any kind of attraction is scary because I know what it will lead to, me crying, me getting anxiety and me getting flashback's. Healing from all of this is scary and it's hard to talk about it, so I post everything on here. Thanks for listening, but I needed to get this out.
 
I have this problem as well. I haven't had sex for 16 years since my abuse ended. I messed around once but it didn't feel right and didn't really go anywhere. Sometimes I still cry after I masturbate sometimes too so don't feel alone.
I feel like sex is something I want to share with someone I really connect to and love not just someone I'm attracted too. If I choose to have a physical relationship with someone it will be once I know for sure that they want me because they connect to my whole person.
Being alone for now isn't necessarily a bad thing. It gives you time to sort out what you really value and expect from yourself and what you would expect from a partner.
 
I hope you don't find this inappropriate. I'm very sorry you are struggling. I believe all my lovers were tied to my own trauma and I identify with what you said because I had a girlfriend and she'd cry when we made love and this is touching and I want to say something.

It made me so sad because her eyes would well up with huge tears and I knew it was invoulentary and I would ask her you know, what was wrong. She'd apologise and say it was nothing and never mind. I didn't push her about it. I mean back then, I didn't know anything about trauma, but I pretty much knew it meant she'd been sexually abused.

I didn't know I'd been sexually abused. It didn't go on very long. She was nice, I liked her.

I hope you can find a path back to intimacy. It's really hard. Thank you for sharing.
 
Sex is incredibly difficult for us trauma victims. Especially since it seems that many of us are drawn to sex, and not even necessarily as reenactment.

Working through the trauma with a therapist is the only thing that helped me. Before I did that, I would try and try and fail every time until I just gave up. Unfair to my wife, and to myself.
 
I completely understand. I haven’t had ANY sex or sexual activity in nearly 2 years now. I on and off struggle with whether I want to change this. I don’t even feel any urges. My marriage ended, in part, because I became asexual. It’s definitely trauma related, but my husband needed to “have his needs met”. He didn’t understand what trauma does.
I recently went on a date and felt an attraction, but didn’t continue any communication with the person. I learned that I don’t want to date anyone either.
It’s very triggering for me to even consider sex - the flashbacks make me feel a revulsion and disgust. My therapist said it was very common-especially for sex abuse survivors. She also said it CAN be healed by diving into sexuality in sessions.
Honestly, for me, I’m happy being asexual right now. I’d love companionship - a deeper friendship, but can’t have sex - and most people want sex... Add abandonment to my trauma and it’s not a stretch that I don’t trust anyone to get too close...
I would like a relationship but I just don’t think I’m capable. Maybe down the road I’ll do the therapy work needed, maybe not.

I feel for you and wish you well. You are not alone.
 
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