Sufferer I Can’t Do This Anymore - Dx in 2019 due to sexual trauma & childhood abuse by stepmom

Feather

New Here
Hi everyone. My name is Jaye. I am 22 years old. In 2019 I was diagnosed with PTSD due to sexual trauma when I was 11 and physical/emotional/verbal abuse I encountered by my stepmom at ages 10-14. I got on medication and went to therapy. It seemed like the therapy helped quite a bit. The meds were helping me sleep and calming my panic attacks. I felt as if it were finally managed. I had managed this diagnosis that I thought (in my naive brain) only soldiers had got. Once I finally was told I had PTSD and began treatment, life became more manageable.

Until now.

It’s currently September of 2022. In July I started seeing this girl. In nearly 4 weeks she had started making me feel bad for not wanting to have sex and became very harsh towards me for it. I broke things off as this was triggering my past. Upon cutting ties, she began calling/texting upwards of 100-200 times a day. Even after blocking her number she’d use other phones and a lot of different fake numbers. Now she’s calling off a blocked number. After I ignored all this she broke into my house while I was the only person home. Ironically I was asleep when this took place. I was physically unharmed but emotionally scarred. She told me very ugly things and threats when I kicked her out. A few nights later I walk outside to find her in my truck. I have pressed a restraining order, and waiting for the charges to go through for her breaking into my property. Even with the restraining order in place, it doesn’t help. She’s still contacting me. She drives by my home and yells out the window as she passes (cops say I can’t do anything as it’s a public highway). She’s threatened me and my family via social media. I’ve turned everything in and no charges have went through yet. Apparently I’ll get a call from my detective once they do.

On my end I’m noticing all my PTSD symptoms returning. I am terrified to go anywhere as we live in a small town with one Walmart and a couple fast food restaurants and a school. I feel like I’ll run into her if I leave my house. My anxiety is at an all time high so now I’m having to get back on my anxiety meds. I can’t sleep. I’ve been staying up at night and take a quick nap while my sister is over doing school work. Last night was the first night I’ve been able to get myself to sleep and I woke up in a full panic attack screaming because I dreamed of her breaking into my home and hurting me.

I’m exhausted. I live in a remote area so I don’t have many therapy options currently. I am tired of being scared and jumpy all the time. I miss sleep. I just don’t know where to turn at this point so I looked up support groups and found this forum.

I hope this helps and I’m able to give back to the community as well.
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
Hi everyone. My name is Jaye. I am 22 years old. In 2019 I was diagnosed with PTSD due to sexual trauma when I was 11 and physical/emotional/verbal abuse I encountered by my stepmom at ages 10-14. I got on medication and went to therapy. It seemed like the therapy helped quite a bit. The meds were helping me sleep and calming my panic attacks. I felt as if it were finally managed. I had managed this diagnosis that I thought (in my naive brain) only soldiers had got. Once I finally was told I had PTSD and began treatment, life became more manageable.

Until now.

It’s currently September of 2022. In July I started seeing this girl. In nearly 4 weeks she had started making me feel bad for not wanting to have sex and became very harsh towards me for it. I broke things off as this was triggering my past. Upon cutting ties, she began calling/texting upwards of 100-200 times a day. Even after blocking her number she’d use other phones and a lot of different fake numbers. Now she’s calling off a blocked number. After I ignored all this she broke into my house while I was the only person home. Ironically I was asleep when this took place. I was physically unharmed but emotionally scarred. She told me very ugly things and threats when I kicked her out. A few nights later I walk outside to find her in my truck. I have pressed a restraining order, and waiting for the charges to go through for her breaking into my property. Even with the restraining order in place, it doesn’t help. She’s still contacting me. She drives by my home and yells out the window as she passes (cops say I can’t do anything as it’s a public highway). She’s threatened me and my family via social media. I’ve turned everything in and no charges have went through yet. Apparently I’ll get a call from my detective once they do.

On my end I’m noticing all my PTSD symptoms returning. I am terrified to go anywhere as we live in a small town with one Walmart and a couple fast food restaurants and a school. I feel like I’ll run into her if I leave my house. My anxiety is at an all time high so now I’m having to get back on my anxiety meds. I can’t sleep. I’ve been staying up at night and take a quick nap while my sister is over doing school work. Last night was the first night I’ve been able to get myself to sleep and I woke up in a full panic attack screaming because I dreamed of her breaking into my home and hurting me.

I’m exhausted. I live in a remote area so I don’t have many therapy options currently. I am tired of being scared and jumpy all the time. I miss sleep. I just don’t know where to turn at this point so I looked up support groups and found this forum.

I hope this helps and I’m able to give back to the community as well.
They can do something. If she is yelling at you, that is a violation of the RO, so is the contact via social media: she's not supposed to contact you.

Make sure you document this and give it to the police.

**I would talk to the police about this and read the RO carefully: most say no contact, or only peaceful contact. (Assuming you're in the states somewhere) Threats is not peaceful contact. If you have a prosecutor assigned to the case, it might be worthwhile speaking with them ilo the police.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Feather

New Here
Welcome to the site @Feather You have found a special place unlike any other and you will find empathy, compassion, and a wealth of knowledge in the articles.

I’ve been here since 2011, in and out, depending on what is going on in my life, but it’s been a steady rock for me.

Blessings of peace and breakthrough being sent your way!
AKJ
Thank you so much! It feels like a safe space being here and it’s much needed during this time!

Welcome to the forum - sorry about your current circumstances, it sounds really frightening. Would getting a dog be possible (quite seriously?)

Either way, I hope this place is somewhere that helps build you back up.
Unfortunately I live in a rental home and my landlord doesn’t allow animals. But I’m looking to get a service dog for my medical problems and my landlord won’t be able to reject me getting one in that case.

Thank you for the kind words.

They can do something. If she is yelling at you, that is a violation of the RO, so is the contact via social media: she's not supposed to contact you.

Make sure you document this and give it to the police.
She never reached out to me personally via social media, but she calls me by name in her posts and threatens my family and I. I’ve screenshotted it all and turned it in. They added it to the existing report I have against her.

I would talk to the police about this and read the RO carefully: most say no contact, or only peaceful contact. (Assuming you're in the states somewhere) Threats is not peaceful contact. If you have a prosecutor assigned to the case, it might be worthwhile speaking with them ilo the police.
I am in the states. My order is a no contact order. After I initially filed the RO she stopped coming to my property and contacting me via phone. Within the last couple days she’s began calling again this time leaving voicemails. Today is a holiday so I will try to get all this to the right sources tomorrow!

Thank you for your suggestions. I feel like her contact is causing my anxiety to increase. I finally was able to sleep last night and woke up screaming and crying after dreaming she had broke in again and harmed me this time.
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you so much! It feels like a safe space being here and it’s much needed during this time!


Unfortunately I live in a rental home and my landlord doesn’t allow animals. But I’m looking to get a service dog for my medical problems and my landlord won’t be able to reject me getting one in that case.

Thank you for the kind words.


She never reached out to me personally via social media, but she calls me by name in her posts and threatens my family and I. I’ve screenshotted it all and turned it in. They added it to the existing report I have against her.


I am in the states. My order is a no contact order. After I initially filed the RO she stopped coming to my property and contacting me via phone. Within the last couple days she’s began calling again this time leaving voicemails. Today is a holiday so I will try to get all this to the right sources tomorrow!

Thank you for your suggestions. I feel like her contact is causing my anxiety to increase. I finally was able to sleep last night and woke up screaming and crying after dreaming she had broke in again and harmed me this time.
You can also ask the prosecutor/police to add your family to the protected persons under the RO.
 

Friday

Moderator
In nearly 4 weeks she had started making me feel bad for not wanting to have sex and became very harsh towards me for it. I broke things off as this was triggering my past
That’s fair. Some people are twice a day -in established relationships, bunnies in new ones- or once a month in new relationships & once a year in established ones. Needs/Wants in sexual anything? Are very individual. Even though there are massive series of trends. (Like daily, weekly, monthly, annually, asexually).

Whatever your/their needs & wants are in a sexual partner? There are millions just like you.

Even after blocking her number she’d use other phones and a lot of different fake numbers.
Creepy.

After I ignored all this she broke into my house while I was the only person home. Ironically I was asleep when this took place. I was physically unharmed but emotionally scarred.
Beyond creepy into …no f*cking shit. You now have the Crazy Ex committing felonies.

I have pressed a restraining order, and waiting for the charges to go through for her breaking into my property
Good.

On my end I’m noticing all my PTSD symptoms returning.
That’s reasonable. Infuriating, but also very reasonable.

I’m exhausted. I live in a remote area so I don’t have many therapy options currently. I am tired of being scared and jumpy all the time. I miss sleep. I just don’t know where to turn at this point so I looked up support groups and found this forum.
Also very reasonable.

New trauma & ongoing trauma? Have some serious as hell ripple effects. Because you’re not just dealing with triggers & stressors, but also active threats.

Expect to -at best- be treading water with the past. And to periodically be drowned by the present.

You WILL get through this. But it won’t be easy, nor should you expect it to be easy. It’s gonna be a stone cold bitch of the past and present ganging up on you… for probably awhile paaaast when the present stops impersonating the past. But you survived then, and now, and will survive/thrive what will be. From both experience & observation.
 

Feather

New Here
That’s fair. Some people are twice a day -in established relationships, bunnies in new ones- or once a month in new relationships & once a year in established ones. Needs/Wants in sexual anything? Are very individual. Even though there are massive series of trends. (Like daily, weekly, monthly, annually, asexually).

Whatever your/their needs & wants are in a sexual partner? There are millions just like you.


Creepy.


Beyond creepy into …no f*cking shit. You now have the Crazy Ex committing felonies.


Good.


That’s reasonable. Infuriating, but also very reasonable.


Also very reasonable.

New trauma & ongoing trauma? Have some serious as hell ripple effects. Because you’re not just dealing with triggers & stressors, but also active threats.

Expect to -at best- be treading water with the past. And to periodically be drowned by the present.

You WILL get through this. But it won’t be easy, nor should you expect it to be easy. It’s gonna be a stone cold bitch of the past and present ganging up on you… for probably awhile paaaast when the present stops impersonating the past. But you survived then, and now, and will survive/thrive what will be. From both experience & observation.
Thank you for your feedback. I wanted to clarify the first part you commented on. We had been sexually actively. We were together around a month. The reason I started denying sex is because she began hammering me about having sex everytime we spent time together and would try to make me feel bad when I wasn’t in the mood, was too drunk to, ect. I’m not asexual (nothing wrong with being) but having an intimate relationship with someone requires respect and safety and I didn’t feel neither of those to keep pursuing the intimate relationship.

I know through therapy and medication I’ll heal from all this. I don’t expect it to be easy or for healing to happen anytime soon. Right now just trying to get through the day and each experience the best I can:)
 
B

Bonfire.

Although your therapy options are few, take advantage of one. Not only as your emotional support, but as your legal collaborating witness and support. Save the texts, e mails. They are harrassment. In my case, the police went and talked to the person and emphasized some sounded as threats. I got an attorney who didn't really do anything except let the person know I seriously wanted it to stop. I was willing to take steps to make it stop.

I wouldn't have made it thru without my therapist. I knew he was safe to talk to, wouldn't spread the word, and knew more about PTSD than I did.

Do whatever you can. to take care of yourself. You don't deserve this treatment.
 
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