I just joined this site. I’m a young adult struggling to come to terms with everything I dealt with in my youth. I’m about four shots in now
I was molested by my father when I was young. I blocked all of it out until I was 17 when my older half sister told our mom about his abuse. She didn’t say anything earlier because she thought it wouldn’t happen to me. She wasn’t his kid. She thought he’d love me like he was supposed to. She was wrong. I’ve spent the last few years trying not to hold it against her but it’s difficult
I held it together for a while after finding that out. I had just graduated high school and I was hopeful for the future. Then the pandemic hit. I was on a cocktail of psych meds that I wasn’t taking regularly. I went off the rails. I overdosed, was hospitalized, cheated on my partner with my psych hospital roommate, tried to commit again, and was sent to rehab across the country by my mom and step father. I spent three months there, then one of the people I met there committed after he was released. I called him my dad in those months. I went off the rails again. I ran away from the facility, trekking miles through the mountains in august. I ended up going back after a few days, but I pushed hard to get released. I was out in two weeks. I went home and immediately relapsed. After a while, my step father kicked me out. I moved across the country on a bus. I’ve lived in this place over a year now. I feel mostly safe, and I think my mind is finally trying to process everything. It’s too much though. It’s gotten to the point where I get drunk just to sob about the past. I hide my drinking from my roommates. I don’t enjoy drinking in an “it’s fun” sense. I enjoy it because I can cry about the past and feel the pain entirely. I tried to go a week without drinking and I couldn’t. Yesterday I drank again, on day five of sobriety. I spent an hour pacing before I finally gave in. I don’t know what to do. I’m uninsured out here and I feel incapable of doing anything to improve myself.
I am terrified of getting close to people. I had a partner for a while, but I started having flashbacks any time things got intimate. I ended things. I used to sleep around! I don’t know why I turned on a dime. All I feel that I can do is drink about it.
I’ve tried to talk to my mom, but she shuts down, and makes it about herself. I feel so alone and I don’t want to be here anymore. Grappling with this is insurmountable
I was molested by my father when I was young. I blocked all of it out until I was 17 when my older half sister told our mom about his abuse. She didn’t say anything earlier because she thought it wouldn’t happen to me. She wasn’t his kid. She thought he’d love me like he was supposed to. She was wrong. I’ve spent the last few years trying not to hold it against her but it’s difficult
I held it together for a while after finding that out. I had just graduated high school and I was hopeful for the future. Then the pandemic hit. I was on a cocktail of psych meds that I wasn’t taking regularly. I went off the rails. I overdosed, was hospitalized, cheated on my partner with my psych hospital roommate, tried to commit again, and was sent to rehab across the country by my mom and step father. I spent three months there, then one of the people I met there committed after he was released. I called him my dad in those months. I went off the rails again. I ran away from the facility, trekking miles through the mountains in august. I ended up going back after a few days, but I pushed hard to get released. I was out in two weeks. I went home and immediately relapsed. After a while, my step father kicked me out. I moved across the country on a bus. I’ve lived in this place over a year now. I feel mostly safe, and I think my mind is finally trying to process everything. It’s too much though. It’s gotten to the point where I get drunk just to sob about the past. I hide my drinking from my roommates. I don’t enjoy drinking in an “it’s fun” sense. I enjoy it because I can cry about the past and feel the pain entirely. I tried to go a week without drinking and I couldn’t. Yesterday I drank again, on day five of sobriety. I spent an hour pacing before I finally gave in. I don’t know what to do. I’m uninsured out here and I feel incapable of doing anything to improve myself.
I am terrified of getting close to people. I had a partner for a while, but I started having flashbacks any time things got intimate. I ended things. I used to sleep around! I don’t know why I turned on a dime. All I feel that I can do is drink about it.
I’ve tried to talk to my mom, but she shuts down, and makes it about herself. I feel so alone and I don’t want to be here anymore. Grappling with this is insurmountable