I can’t take this anymore :(

Smile

MyPTSD Pro
My constant anxiety, panic attacks & PTSD are killing me. I feel like a shadow walking around. Or maybe a ghost...

I was watching a show yesterday and a woman was almost raped. That triggered me HARD. I eventually put my sneakers on and went for an walk. With so many dark dark thoughts.

I’m wasting my life away so what’s the point of being here??? It would just be for others and I’m sick of being sensitive to everyone but me
 

osiris

MyPTSD Pro
I hear you.
When everything is triggering you it feels like there is no end.
Are you working with a therapist right now or do you have grounding strategies that have worked for you in the past? (with T I have started focusing on breath to help).

I know it feels like it will go on forever, but as everyone wise here has said, this thing is cyclical - the more we can get through these terrible triggering patches, maybe the more we can see on the outside of them.

There is so much point for you being here, even if you can’t see it right now.
Sending you support.
 

Smile

MyPTSD Pro
I hear you.
When everything is triggering you it feels like there is no end.
Are you working with a therapist right now or do you have grounding strategies that have worked for you in the past? (with T I have started focusing on breath to help).

I know it feels like it will go on forever, but as everyone wise here has said, this thing is cyclical - the more we can get through these terrible triggering patches, maybe the more we can see on the outside of them.

There is so much point for you being here, even if you can’t see it right now.
Sending you support.
Thank you. I don’t have a T now... with Covid it’s harder to get one
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Smile , I'm so sorry it's so hard right now.
Is there some support you can reach out to? I know it's so hard trying to find a therapist during the pandemic. Lots are doing video or telephone therapy. Is that something you think might help you?

Do you have grounding techniques to help when triggered? Going for a walk sounds really healthy and positive.

I watched a programme the other day where someone was raped. I skipped over that bit , took a break, and then came back to the programme another day. Couldn't face it either: felt like the core of me.

What is positive is that you recognise the trigger. Whilst you had dark thoughts on the walk, you worked through them.

It is absolutely worth keeping on working through those thoughts. But sometimes help is needed.
 

Smile

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Smile , I'm so sorry it's so hard right now.
Is there some support you can reach out to? I know it's so hard trying to find a therapist during the pandemic. Lots are doing video or telephone therapy. Is that something you think might help you?

Do you have grounding techniques to help when triggered? Going for a walk sounds really healthy and positive.

I watched a programme the other day where someone was raped. I skipped over that bit , took a break, and then came back to the programme another day. Couldn't face it either: felt like the core of me.

What is positive is that you recognise the trigger. Whilst you had dark thoughts on the walk, you worked through them.

It is absolutely worth keeping on working through those thoughts. But sometimes help is needed.
Thanks :) I have have grounding techniques but can’t do them while I’m in the middle of this... whatever it’s called 🤷🏻‍♀️
you misunderstood me... the walk didn’t help. I cried the whole way through mostly bc everything I saw along the walk made me feel more depressed about my life :(
 

triptych

Learning
My constant anxiety, panic attacks & PTSD are killing me. I feel like a shadow walking around. Or maybe a ghost...
Hey, I have defiantly felt like this at points in my life. I'm not going to tell you it will all work out and you'll be happy everyday-- but it will be better than this. Take it from someone who didn't believe that for a long time. You can survive this and get to a point where things will feel good again. It's worth sticking around to see that.

I know it can be tricky to reach out but I would really recommend talking to a friend or helpline. I didn't use them for a long time but helplines are there for people in exactly your situation and they want you to use them. If previous grounding techniques don't work for a specific anxiety, I've found trying other things helpful. I've found heating pads work well for certain types of panic and calling a friend for others. It can be trial and error but you deserve to have what you need in that moment.

I understand feeling like your only living for other people and not yourself, but I think the person you most owe survival to is yourself. Both past, present and future. Forget everyone else. You deserve to survive. You deserve to not feel this way.
 

Friday

Moderator
Some things I’ve learned
I’m wasting my life away so what’s the point of being here???
Just because I can’t see the point? Doesn’t mean there isn’t one, or aren’t many. It just means I can’t see it.
That triggered me HARD.
When I’m triggered... by definition I am overreacting, and get to ignore the f*ck out of myself until I pull my head out of my ass. Everyhing I’m thinking/feeling when triggered? Is total bullshit. I am absolutely, 100% wrong, in what I’m thinking & feeling... because I’m responding to the present as if it’s the past. Which is, in time/practice, a relief. Oh. This, again. Okay. No different than anything else that is going to suck for awhile, that I don’t want to be dealing with, and then go away in its own time. The only valuable use of my time during these times? Is in getting creative in figuring out how to toughen up and have some fun. If I can even get 1% of my time spent doing that? Voila. Time well spent. The rest is just wasted time. Like having the stomach flu. It comes. It sucks. It goes. Never soon enough, but like most things, it’s temporary. If I’m living? No matter how well or how badly, I’m going to get sick sometimes. It sometimes amuses me to cut/paste my thoughts&feelings when I’m triggered/holed up & hurting coming out of the mouth of someone with “man flu”. But again, that falls under the “have some fun” edict, and a halfhearted groan, instead of a laugh, is at least halfway there.
 
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Rani G

MyPTSD Pro
Which is, in time/practice, a relief. Oh. This, again. Okay. No different than anything else that is going to suck for awhile, that I don’t want to be dealing with, and then go away in its own time. The only valuable use of my time during these times? Is in getting creative in figuring out how to toughen up and have some fun. If I can even get 1% of my time spent doing that? Voila. Time well spent. The rest is just wasted time. Like having the stomach flu. It comes. It sucks. It goes. Never soon enough, but like most things, it’s temporary. If I’m living? No matter how well or how badly, I’m going to get sick sometimes. It sometimes amuses me to cut/paste my thoughts&feelings when I’m triggered/holed up & hurting coming out of the mouth of someone with “man flu”. But again, that falls under the “have some fun” edict, and a halfhearted groan, instead of a laugh, is at least halfway there.

Best advice for my state of mind. Thank you
 
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