I can tell I'm spinning

David1959

Confident
Trouble concentrating, unable to focus and I feel paralyzed. Waiting till new T has space, supposed to be early October hope I make it before I totally collapse into depression. I am fighting but without anyone to talk to it is hard. I can't talk to my wife about this, seems crazy but this is my burden to carry not hers.
I kept my secret for 45 years and even with my T I have a hard tome remembering and speaking.

As an adult survivor of childhood assault and abuse from 10-12 all I know is I am messed up in ways I never understood and my life that I always thought I controlled was actually never under my control but rather under control of a damaged little boy which as I reflect is exactly how I feel in a room full of people.
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
Do you take baths? It seems like men don't take baths. I have high anxiety and a lot of years of cPTSD under my belt and taking baths helps me to get grounded quicker than most things. I also have a weighted lap pad and do a lot of deep breathing and exercise more than average - all are very helpful.

I had a very rough patch with my concentration a few years ago, to the point that I was having trouble living alone because I would leave the stove on, leave water running and forget to pay bills. All had to do with my anxiety. It's gotten a lot better through prayer and constant effort to keep my anxiety down and burn off some energy when it really does get too high.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is hard.
 

Invisible Fire

MyPTSD Pro
As an adult survivor of childhood assault and abuse from 10-12 all I know is I am messed up in ways I never understood and my life that I always thought I controlled was actually never under my control but rather under control of a damaged little boy which as I reflect is exactly how I feel in a room full of people

I can relate to this. I am sorry you are struggling. Everyone and their situation(s) is different but I have found being open and honest with my spouse helpful with my healing. I have been with my therapist a long time and I am just now getting to a point of talking about my trauma. It is all very difficult and complicated and I hope you can find ways of grounding that works for you. For me it is walking, journaling, deep breathing and other things to keep my mind busy (puzzles, music). You are not alone
 

David1959

Confident
I can relate to this. I am sorry you are struggling. Everyone and their situation(s) is different but I have found being open and honest with my spouse helpful with my healing. I have been with my therapist a long time and I am just now getting to a point of talking about my trauma. It is all very difficult and complicated and I hope you can find ways of grounding that works for you. For me it is walking, journaling, deep breathing and other things to keep my mind busy (puzzles, music). You are not alone

Thanks invisible, appreciate the comments. For clarification when I went to a T 4 years ago I did tell my wife about the abuse but can't discuss in detail with anyone including myself :-(
 
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