I cancelled a night with old friends...

[HumanNOS]

My college roomies and I were going to get together for a social distancing happy hour tonight. I cancelled.

I feel like I have been inundated with so much information and ah-ha moments, that I don't have the space in my cup for casual conversation with people who know nothing of what I'm going through.

And I feel shame in that. Disappointment in myself from letting it overwhelm me so badly, the thought of going, that I just said no. Is that normal?

I feel weak for not being able to do something so simple, when for so many years I have been the go-to person in a crisis. And I've dealt with some crazy stuff. And now, I'm overwhelmed about seeing old friends?

I keep trying to tell myself that it's ok. That I'm in the middle of something very big and I'm dealing with it. But...it's really hard to believe myself.

 

[ladee]

I can say it is normal for me to do as you did when I am overwhelmed. For me, it was learning my limitations when I had too much going on and gave myself permission to not go somewhere and pretend otherwise.

I hope you stop feeling guilty for putting yourself first.

 

[HumanNOS]

I can say it is normal for me to do as you did when I am overwhelmed. For me, it was learning my limitations when I had too much going on and gave myself permission to not go somewhere and pretend otherwise.

I hope you stop feeling guilty for putting yourself first.

I raised myself, essentially. And I watched others to see how you operate around other people. Social norms. And then I grew up and I had to start making my own rules. That's when I first got help.

Right now I feel like that young woman again that didn't like hearing what was being told to her -- you were abused.
And I feel like I'm trying to make my own rules again. It's just as overwhelming. LOL I tell my dear husband so often, "I need an adult."

I literally don't know how this all works. But I know enough to ask others. Thank you for making me feel "normal." From the bottom of my heart, "Thank you."

 

[ladee]

Hopefully, there will be other get-togethers with friends that you will be in a place to enjoy the occasion. I too have put myself in situations that left me even more stressed by not following what my instincts tell me to do. You do get time to heal, retreat, move forward in baby steps. When the time is right. Our normal is not everyone else's. And that IS ok!

 

[Survivor3]

hi @HumanNOS. Don't feel guilty about your boundaries. If your not in the mood for small talk because of the thoughts and feelings in your head then don't go. That is a perfectly normal reaction.

 

[HumanNOS]

Hopefully, there will be other get-togethers with friends that you will be in a place to enjoy the occasion. I too have put myself in situations that left me even more stressed by not following what my instincts tell me to do. You do get time to heal, retreat, move forward in baby steps. When the time is right. Our normal is not everyone else's. And that IS ok!

You are gonna make me cry.

hi @HumanNOS. Don't feel guilty about your boundaries. If your not in the mood for small talk because of the thoughts and feelings in your head then don't go. That is a perfectly normal reaction.

When dealing with my anxiety in the past, we were taught to push through the "walls." But I think PTSD may be different? I don't want to push through this. I want to understand myself and how to make that big block in my "cup" smaller. So, right now, It's hard to tell the difference between avoidance and self care.

 

[ladee]

I hope it's tears of relief of being heard and understood. And tears are ok too.

 

[HumanNOS]

I hope it's tears of relief of being heard and understood. And tears are ok too.

'

It is.

 

[ladee]

Heart hugs @HumanNOS.