I cannot cry during my Therapy sessions :'(

[LittleBlackCat]

I've recently started Therapy for a past traumatic event in my life but for some reason whenever I go see her.... I can't cry over it!
She's been amazing to vent to...and has given me loads of great, uplifting advice (even offering me tissues at the start!) I think doing this has made me not want to cry as she expected me to? All my life I associate openly crying with being very weak. (Of course I cry every day by myself about the trauma, I've told her this!) But even when I'm discussing it in therapy I rattle off like a logical person, been angry a few times, even when I first told her of all the trauma & PTSD I didn't cry!! ...Now I feel like i'm 'holding back' in my sessions.
It's frustrating as I'm on my 5th session and we are both discussing other parts of my life that aren't even bothering me right now & this' therapy aint cheap!
How can I fully express myself?! I'm now Emailing her afterwards saying how upset I am over it instead of getting upset in person.
An emotionally aloof, but highly sensitive Aquarius

 

[Weemie]

I never could understand people who can cry on command. For me tears are totally involuntary. They either happen or they don't happen. For 30 years I never cried, not once. Screamed, begged, pleaded, yelled, ranted, raved, whispered, shouted the roof down. But crying? Nada. It didn't come until I was ready for it. I had a lot of therapy and medication and support behind me to feel able to handle this and not get sucked into the void. Your brain is doing a good job of protecting you, so don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Movingforward10]

Another non cryier here! And share your frustrations.
I've progressed from no tears, to letting one or two escape, to letting quite a few escape and doing silent crying (all in therapy). Have full on sobbed on my own, but can count the number of times I've done that.
I have it on my head that I won't be 'cured' until I can full on sob in therapy.
But: some people are just not criers.

Is it crying that is the issue or being emotionally numb? Or both?

You're 5 sessions in. I absolutely get the desire to be healed already, but these things do take time. Massively unfortunately.

 

[arfie]

i still can't cry in front of witnesses and don't seem to have many waterworks available for when i cry alone. i have learned how to let myself feel the feelings, but the drama won't come. i have had several therapists encourage me not to worry about it. there is more than one way to express emotions. the important part is to express them while staying true to yourself.

 

[Sues]

I don't cry either. I hold it all in, and I bury all the trauma, emotions, and pain. I know that's bad, but I've been working on that with my therapist. I've been in therapy 4 years now, 2.5 with my current therapist. I finally cried a little bit in front of him for the first time about a month ago. I've done a ton of work before that, so even though crying is supposed to be helpful, it is absolutely not necessary to heal.

 

[Charbella]

I don’t cry in front of others either. I struggle to even say or admit I have ever cried in my entire life. You’re a step further than I am, I don’t even cry in an empty room with no one to witness. I suggest cutting yourself some slack, 5 sessions is barely an introduction, if you’ve opened up then your further than most in 5 sessions.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

Thanks guys...Feel much better about it it's tough when my sessions are only 55mins so after 10mins of informal updates about my life etc,the environment felt pressured somewhat. Being too hard on myself & being a people pleaser is def something I'm actually working on in my sessions as i've done this basically since childhood! Sucks I didn't get therapy years ago...but glad I took the leap now. Xx

 

[Survivor3]

I only used to cry after drinking a bottle of vodka! I'm not advising that! I'm just not a crier. I get sad and upset but can't cry.

 

[DharmaGirl]

It takes a lot longer than 5 sessions to be able to open up with a therapist. It's not unusual to be able to report trauma to a therapist in a non emotional manner. Give it some time, if you continue to work through stuff it will happen.

 

[Beepboop4200.]

I only used to cry after drinking a bottle of vodka! I'm not advising that! I'm just not a crier. I get sad and upset but can't cry

hahaha. I,couldn’t even cry after a bottle of vodka! or whiskey!
too bottled up from early childhood complex ptsd. In therapy sometimes. But rarely.

 

[Miyu38]

When I do cry it feels complicated. I didn't feel any type of way when my sister was leaving home for college but I felt an obligation to show her how sad I was so I cried. When it comes to crying for myself or others which I don't do often but it feels fake since I can give myself a time limit and then on cue stop crying.
When it comes to animals I get more emotional and can cry and I know it's not fake. I have been in therapy for a few years now I have cried only a few times but never a full-on cry just tears here and there. Having feelings that I'm not in control of is not ideal for me got to stay in control.

 

[Sweetthing]

I’ve read in some cPTSD books that a lot of times anger is a precursor to crying. He suggested allowing yourself to healthily emote anger by doing things like screaming, punching a pillow, breaking non-important things in a giant trash can or against a wall (wearing eye protection). According to him (Pete Walker), start with anger, tears will come eventually.