I can't feel anything in sex,but I'm hyper sexual?

[finallygettingthere]

Hey!
I wanted to see if anyone relates to this. I was severely abused from the age of 4 until 11. Male and female abusers...male and female at the same time. BDSM. also full physical and emotional neglect from the rest of my family. Mum was mentally unstable and an addict..I was taken to squat parties ect...

From the age of 12 I became hyper sexual. Id already come out as lesbian but started Initiating things like oral sex with boys (whilst hating every second...yet consenting and STARTING IT)
BY 14 i had a girlfriend and lost my virginity I instantly became dependant on sex for over an hour a day...yet sex is agony. I can't feel anything. My head is uncomfortably aroused...and my body is shutt down. Ive never felt pleasure with a person. This went on until I was 22 when I realised I had some sort of addiction to sex but I'd never been sexually attracted to the people (usually disgusted) I'd never felt a stab of pleasure. Either nothing or pain.

I started getting huge dopamine rushes and validation from giving pleasure and being good at it. I took on a highly sexual personality based on hoping the person wouldn't touch me but that I could please them...all along I have no idea how to do emotional intimacy,how to be attracted to people and still find myself entertaining People I'm not attracted to.
It's like I can't understand I deserve to be in love. If someone wants my body but I don't want them it's feels safer to just let them have it. I don't act out on the unhealthy sex now. I'm learning to give myself pleasure and getting better at emotional intimacy but when I do sleep with someone..
That I'm attracted too and trust. I can barely feel anything. It's been 14 years..I've had sex therapy,celibacy...self love practises..

It's like my bits are broken

 

[arfie]

methinks i totally relate. hypersexuality --all genders-- was a dominant symptom in my own recovery from child prostitution/pornography. in my own head, hypersexuality is no more about sex than arithmomania is about being good at math. it is a straight out psychosis and has nothing, whatsoever, with sexual gratification. what is it about? it's a psychosis. . . logic and reason have no jurisdiction in psycholand.

the theory i most favor in my own case is that ^it^ is about a child's all-natural craving for love in a world where love = sex. the focus of my own recovery has been on learning and practicing the differences between love and sex. love and sex are a match made in heaven, but they are nowhere near the same.

but that is me and every case is unique. . .

steadying support while you sort your own case.

 

[Freddyt]

the theory i most favor in my own case is that ^it^ is about a child's all-natural craving for love in a world where love = sex.

Really - it's abut self soothing. Plus the chemicals released "after" include large amounts of cortone. It's the hormone your body uses to help return to homeostasis, repair injury, kick the immune system into action, or to restore calm after life and death situations. Because it's naturally released alongside Adrenalin, sex is a "double dose" if you will of those chemicals.

Since everything in PTSD brain is life or death already those doses of "calm" hormone help those injured in childhood/adolescence find moments of soothing, calm, and especially for males - sleep.

 

[Movingforward10]

oral sex with boys (whilst hating every second...yet consenting and STARTING IT)

Whilst you might have initiated some things, you were an abused child who was seeking out what they knew. I understand this. I initiated sexual acts with boys and men and I also hated it as I was/am gay too. It's abuse dictating behaviour as opposed to sexuality and want and needs.

had some sort of addiction to sex but I'd never been sexually attracted to the people

Addiction to sex or a form of self harm?

. I took on a highly sexual personality based on hoping the person wouldn't touch me but that I could please them.

I also took on a highly sexual personality. I think that comes from, for me anyway, trying to act like sex isn't a big deal and nothing matters and minimising and distancing all the pain of abuse.

still find myself entertaining People I'm not attracted to.

I understand this too. It's really hard to communicate what you want and need, and know what it is you want and need, and to know what a boundary is like and how to hold a boundary, and how to know that saying no or not initiating something is going to be respected. Perhaps comes from a place of "if I initiate this then this/they can't hurt me?".

. If someone wants my body but I don't want them it's feels safer to just let them have it

Yeah, get this too. Saying no and it happening anyway is much harder than just letting it happen.
But .. you're an adult now and you have automny now that you didn't back then.

years..I've had sex therapy,celibacy...self love practises.

Have you had trauma therapy?

 

[arfie]

Really - it's abut self soothing. Plus the chemicals released "after" include large amounts of cortone.

yes, that is a popular theory and i'm not one to argue with experts. however, i will further theorate that not all humans are the same, even more so with the add on of mental illness. there is room for more than one theory in multiple cases. in my own case, playing my guitar is far more soothing than yet another one night stand. i never once felt soothed or heightened from acting out my hyper-sexuality.

 

[Freddyt]

yes, that is a popular theory and i'm not one to argue with experts. however, i will further theorate that not all humans are the same, even more so with the add on of mental illness. there is room for more than one theory in multiple cases. in my own case, playing my guitar is far more soothing than yet another one night stand. i never once felt soothed or heightened from acting out my hyper-sexuality.

I can speak only from my trauma and experience. You speak from yours.

Everybody's different....everyone's trauma is different......

 

[finallygettingthere]

I've spoken alot with my therapist about it and for me it is from craving love as a child and being forced into a sex instead. The sex is never pleasant and it's been years since I've been hyper sexual and acting it out.

Now I'm in a place where I have fear round trust and emotional intimacy but can build that relationship with someone with effort. Can have relationships and go years without sex or casual sex. It's holds no power.

However! When I have sex now when i want to and am romantically attracted to the partner and trust them I was still can't feel any pleasure wich is the main symptom now. 10,000 nerves down there and they won't turn on,I guess it's a patience game. It's been 14 years..it mite take ANOTHER 14 years. Does anyone else have complete shutt down? Like there body is just unable to feel good

 

[Friday]

Does anyone else have complete shutt down? Like there body is just unable to feel good

There are a whooooooole lot of medications with that particular side effect. So if you’re taking any meds? It’s worth bringing up with your provider. Men are tracked way more often in med circles, so the easy cheat, is to see if “impotence” is listed as a side effect, even though it’s only one of several sexual side effects. The most noticeable is “head’s interested, dick isn’t, aaargh” but there’s a ginormous range as different pathways are interrupted. From being in able to be turned on at all, to equipment is working but there’s no pleasure in it, to pleasure in the beginning but no orgasm nor sense of fun, etc.

Anhedonia, meanwhile, is both a symptom of depression, and a few other things (including another side effect of certain meds); which creates the inability to find pleasure in certain things, to anything. Food is meh. Sex is meh. Exercise is meh. Games are meh. Getting dressed, going to be, winning an award, seeing a friend, it’s all just… bland, why bother, pointless seeming, etc. There’s just no joy, zing, sense of satisfaction, etc.

 

[finallygettingthere]

I'm blessed to have been off all meds for 2 years but I was on them from 11 to 23,I think they had that side affect amongst hundreds of others. Certain things can make body pleasure easier closer to access like long bath ritual,sensual stuff. I think it's EVERYTHING. the abuse..the neglect ..trauma stored in the body...13 years of meds...7 years sectioned living in a high security box! It's feels like it's a journey of finding my feet and discovering myself ina safe way

 

[Bamboo]

Does anyone else have complete shutt down? Like there body is just unable to feel good

Nodding vigorously
For years i just thought I was broken in some way. I would hear other people talk about sex and thought that maybe I just didn't know how to make my own body work like it was supposed in an intimate situation.

 

[finallygettingthere]

It's literally kicking back in at the moment. I've started dating somebody and my body won't play ball no matter much I want it too. It's so lonely and sets grief off all over again. I find routinely having a sensual routine helps. Like having longs showers and baths or massaging myself. It keeps the connection between me and my body but dosent always work

 

[somerandomguy]

Yes, my body consistently fails to do what it's supposed to do during sex - even if it's just sex with myself. I'm at the point where I'm ready to swear off all sex forever. I'm not even on any meds that would cause it. It's just me, and my completely broken mind/body connection.