I can't get out of bed today...


I have psyhiatrist appointment tomorrow(she was booked for today- but at least she knows my history so I'm not starting from scratch), I did a side gig for extra cash last week, made budget planner from a notebook, socialised, informed my client/work of my ptsd flare(and of having ptsd at all)... I've been fighting so hard to get better. And now I have to travel home for few days(always stressful, now more), on Friday and zillion things need to be done and I COULDN"T get out of bed.
This is not supposed to happen to me. Worked on the couch for 2 h so I hopefully get something paid tomorrow. I still need to make the invoice which may take less than an hour but feels like too much energy. Eating instant noodles and junk because everything beyond boiling water in the kettle is too much. But it feels like I was barely getting a dent in all I need to if I want to keep living, and I just lost a day.... because I couldn't get out of bed or drawn out than numbing feeling that makes me nausious and makes me wish I can make drastic changes I am too broke to make. This day feels so sad, so senseless, like it will never be done and I just can't exist in it. It feels horrifying like there's no solution.