I can't stop dreaming about my abuser

kittygal162

New Here
I have been having nightmares these past few years. But recently it has gotten worse. I've cut off relationship with abusers in my school (I'm not in the same school with them anymore). I've changed my number and delete all my social media. But they still insisted to get in touch with me because they felt sorry of what i felt in the past and until now (they don't actually mean it. once abuser will always be abuser). They still know my address and my little sister's contact so they came to my house once in awhile like on my birthday, on my father's funeral or just came once in a while to gave me a gift that i immediately throw to the trash. I felt so uncomfortable that they still trying to get in touch with me or befriended me. I wish i can scream in their faces straight to the point that i don't want anymore relationship with them. People always blame me that i can't do such a thing. Please don't blame me. I was taught to be submissive, can't say no and can't stand up for myself since i was kid and thats what i hate the most. Because even in my dreams i still can't say no, can't stand up for myself and let them hurt me. In my dreams they still get along with me while abusing me. But sometimes in my dreams they will act a little nicer. I'm so sick of this. I've tried to take sertraline from my ignorant psychiatrist but it just gave me more vivid nightmares that gave me anxiety to sleep.
I still live with my other abusers which are my family. I dreamt about them too where they'll be a little nicer and get along with me in my dream. I don't know how to stop this. They don't deserve to be in my dream. I wish they just rotten in hell.
I'm not sure if i will have nightmares like this forever, maybe when i finally move out it will all come to an end? But i feel like no matter i do, they will always haunting me.
 

OakTree123

New Here
I am so sorry! You already have the weight of the world on your shoulders dealing with trauma from abuse and it can be completely exhausting to have dreams about your abuser(s). It's unfair because you don't get a say in what you dream but still, every night, you have to think about them.

There is no shame in wanting to yell and scream at your abuser. They are completely at fault for what they did and your reaction -- whatever that reaction may be -- to what they did is completely valid.

For me, I still have nightmares...but as I have gotten distance from my abuser and been able to take control in my life (like moving out, getting a therapist), my nightmares are no longer the same! I used to have nightmares about being in situations I couldn't control and in my dreams my abuser would have control over me just like they used to. Now, since I have moved out, I am always in control in my dreams! Even when I have nightmares, I am still in control. I feel that even though I still have frightening dreams, it gives me so much hope that the context of the nightmares have changed because I feel more in control of my life. I hope that when you finally move out, you can feel this way too! And I really hope that over time the nightmares will completely go away.

Sending you some good dreams!
 

kittygal162

New Here
I am so sorry! You already have the weight of the world on your shoulders dealing with trauma from abuse and it can be completely exhausting to have dreams about your abuser(s). It's unfair because you don't get a say in what you dream but still, every night, you have to think about them.

There is no shame in wanting to yell and scream at your abuser. They are completely at fault for what they did and your reaction -- whatever that reaction may be -- to what they did is completely valid.

For me, I still have nightmares...but as I have gotten distance from my abuser and been able to take control in my life (like moving out, getting a therapist), my nightmares are no longer the same! I used to have nightmares about being in situations I couldn't control and in my dreams my abuser would have control over me just like they used to. Now, since I have moved out, I am always in control in my dreams! Even when I have nightmares, I am still in control. I feel that even though I still have frightening dreams, it gives me so much hope that the context of the nightmares have changed because I feel more in control of my life. I hope that when you finally move out, you can feel this way too! And I really hope that over time the nightmares will completely go away.

Sending you some good dreams!
Hey thank you so much for this! I really, really appreciate it 🥺 i'm happy for you that you can take control over your life and your dreams now ^-^ you deserve it! I hope one day your nightmares will be completely go away too! 😊☺️ I can't wait to move out to a better place far from my abusers so i can finally set my freedom. But i guess its gonna be long until that day.. as long as i have hope, i'm sure everything will be ok.. ☺️
I hope you will get better! Thank you so much ☺️

Hi @kittygal162, I also have vivid dreams about my abusers. I used to take Sertraline but it made me feel really edgy and anxious. I hope things improve for you. All the best S3 😊.
I'm so sorry about your vivid dreams!! You don't deserve any of that 😢 i feel the same way about Sertraline too! i hate it. Maybe you need a different medicine too?
I hope things improve for you too, thank you so much! 😊😊
 
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