I cant tell if im scared of relationships or if i just keep dating selfish people

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Other people seem to get along so well. They're all a little selfish in their own way and that's fine with everyone.. but when I accept any selfishness from a partner it spirals into years of a torturous relationship. I feel like I offer a lot of things that narcissists seek.. im trying to keep people away at the first sight of a red flag but the longer in to a relationship it takes to see one, the harder it is to get out. And the harder it is to tell if it's actually wrong. I feel like my whole life I've been taught to gaslight myself and now I've worked so hard to not get gaslit by others -and working so hard to manage 2yrs of ptsd- that I just don't even wanna pay attention anymore. I can't figure this out and I don't know if I want to figure this out but I have to because life is dangerous when you don't pay attention. Is that hypervigilance? I'm so tired of all of this but I crave intimacy so I'm always running this same cycle


What’s in it for you?

It’s a benefit of dating the same TYPE of person, when that type is personality rather than appearance… that it acts as a fantastic mirror for what we ourselves need/ want/ are looking for.
Yes, if you are focused on craving intimacy, you are sending out and attracting someone to respond to neediness.

I struggle with this a lot, but I've learned, and am still learning, to be okay being single. To just hang out with my girlfriends and be silly.

I still want a partner but I'm not looking to make it an emergency... that's kept me in crisis mode and ended me up in abusive relationships.