M
Metalmusingsmary
Other people seem to get along so well. They're all a little selfish in their own way and that's fine with everyone.. but when I accept any selfishness from a partner it spirals into years of a torturous relationship. I feel like I offer a lot of things that narcissists seek.. im trying to keep people away at the first sight of a red flag but the longer in to a relationship it takes to see one, the harder it is to get out. And the harder it is to tell if it's actually wrong. I feel like my whole life I've been taught to gaslight myself and now I've worked so hard to not get gaslit by others -and working so hard to manage 2yrs of ptsd- that I just don't even wanna pay attention anymore. I can't figure this out and I don't know if I want to figure this out but I have to because life is dangerous when you don't pay attention. Is that hypervigilance? I'm so tired of all of this but I crave intimacy so I'm always running this same cycle