I can't work

[JSAEH01]

In 2020 I went thru something really bad and it changed my life and I haven't been able to get back to any kind of normal since then. I just want to know if anyone else with PTSD works and what their experiences are because I'm dealing with a lot of anger and rage and depression and just overwhelmed emotionally or sometimes I'm just dead emotionally because it gets too much and I working a job just doesn't seem possible for me.

 

[Friday]

I just want to know if anyone else with PTSD works and what their experiences are

Over the last 25 years ther have been times when

- I was jobless & homeless
- I worked jobby-jobs (jobs I DGAF about)
- I worked dream jobs in “my” field(s) &/or was in school pursuing degrees for those jobs

None of that is linear.

When I get symptomatic it tends to hit so hard and so fast that I’ve never had the capacity to do things like apply for disability. Not that it even occurred to me the first time things got dark fast. I just figured this was who I was, now, and needed to find a way to work around it.

Ways to work around it <<< Included not only setting myself at work that took into account who I was now (For example? I have an extremely strong preference for gig work, and contract work, so that I always have a break / time off coming); but to set up safety nets for hard times when I couldn’t work, so that I wouldn’t lose everything when things got hard. (For example; paying all of my bills 4 mo to 2 years in advance, depending on how solvent I was). That way, I could always take time off, and still have a life to come back to.

I’ve lost everything, a few too many times, now. Although, arguably. Even once is too many. This last time was not entirely my fault (ugly divorce), which is unfortunate because I’d gotten reeeeally good over the years at setting up safety nets to account for all the “me” stuff. C’est la vie.

 

[JSAEH01]

Over the last 25 years ther have been times when

- I was jobless & homeless
- I worked jobby-jobs (jobs I DGAF about)
- I worked dream jobs in “my” field(s) &/or was in school pursuing degrees for those jobs

None of that is linear.

When I get symptomatic it tends to hit so hard and so fast that I’ve never had the capacity to do things like apply for disability. Not that it even occurred to me the first time things got dark fast. I just figured this was who I was, now, and needed to find a way to work around it.

Ways to work around it <<< Included not only setting myself at work that took into account who I was now (For example? I have an extremely strong preference for gig work, and contract work, so that I always have a break / time off coming); but to set up safety nets for hard times when I couldn’t work, so that I wouldn’t lose everything when things got hard. (For example; paying all of my bills 4 mo to 2 years in advance, depending on how solvent I was). That way, I could always take time off, and still have a life to come back to.

I’ve lost everything, a few too many times, now. Although, arguably. Even once is too many. This last time was not entirely my fault (ugly divorce), which is unfortunate because I’d gotten reeeeally good over the years at setting up safety nets to account for all the “me” stuff. C’est la vie.

I created an account so I have a different username now but I really appreciate you replying to me. I feel like a loser and I'm only 35 but I just don't understand how I'm supposed to deal with this rest of my life idk it's hard to see anything hopeful in my future right now. I haven't applied for disability or anything, that didn't even cross my mind until a couple months ago. What kind of money does disability give you and do I qualify because I've been to a few therapist now and been diagnosed with PTSD by each one. I've pretty much self isolated ever since the trauma and being around people scares me because I don't know how I'm going to react Thank you for your help and I really appreciate you sharing your own personal story with me. Sorry for asking so many questions and for rambling like this.