I cut myself today

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how can i get rid of all this? I was too tired to deal with the trauma and anxiety I felt every night. I cut myself several times hoping it would all go away, but it got worse.
i've wondered about a frontal lobotomy to get rid of all this. . .
sigh. . . maybe next week.
for now i think i'll just scratch a few holes in my epidermis. scratching isn't as purty as cutting but methinks it scratches the same itch. pun intended.
One of the best things ever said to me was, I only have one body. It gave me pause to being brutal to it. It is true that outlets outside relieving, pain, stress through bodily inflictions can and do work. Mine have been to get back into reading. It was something I did as a child to escape and it’s pretty safe. The other is to lose myself in painting even though I’m not an artist. Basically I had to own the fact that I had to take care of my body as much as I had to take care of my mind.
@aldi sorry to hear that.
It is always a brutal truth that often the SH we think will help us in a moment often leaves us feeling worse. I hear you.

I have no real wisdom, I have gone down the tough it out route, but it’s not very kind to yourself. Someone recommended a load of alternatives to me such as drawing on yourself, holding ice cubes, having a cold shower, punching a pillow, doing some exercise.

It didn’t always help me but the fact that they tried to give me help was a comfort in itself.

I hope you find some peace and are safe.
Keep posting if you can. People here listen.
I'm struggling with it too. I've tried alternatives (drawing on self, holding ice cubes, etc.) but not with a lot of success. I'm now trying to be more mindful of catching myself when I get triggered badly before it gets to that point. It's not easy and I'm not always able to catch myself. I have found that it really helps me a lot when I am able to talk with someone who is safe, sympathetic/empathic, compassionate when I am struggling really bad. I think I need someone to hear me and be with me when I'm struggling emotionally. When I couldn't find anyone to talk with me when I'm in that state, I've called my local suicide prevention phone line and talked with someone who actually helped me a lot. I hope you find something that works for you.
I'm learning how to be nicer to myself so if it were me, I would say, that I'm cutting because I can't deal with my current distress && cutting is better than killing myself, so I am trying really hard to still be here & survive && my brain is just trying to help me.

And maybe take good care of the cuts and clean the wounds (just soap && water, no peroxide or alcohol, don't put anything in a wound u wouldnt put in ur eyeball) and wrap them in gauze and put cute stickers on the gauze and get some hot tea or coffee or chocolate & take a bubble bath or shower.

I don't cut tho. I deal with a body focused repetitive disorder, dermatillomania, && when I get rly triggered I get itchy && compulsively scratch at myself. I try my best to regulate it but sometimes I just can't control my distress and it hurts too much and I give in and scratch/pick.

It happens sometimes! Take care of yourself as best as you can && pick yourself back up and next time you will practice again to try to handle the distress better. Things like temperature (holding ice) or elastic bands, or drawing on yourself, or drawing intricate circles/patterns, or singing really loudly, or diving into cold water.
I've been struggling with this for years. I go long stretches where I don't do it, then I go back to it again. It's a coping mechanism. What has helped me the most is therapy. I found an excellent trauma therapist, and he is so helpful and supportive. I work with him to find healthier coping mechanisms to use. I can tell you that the times between cutting get longer, and it does get better.
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