Neverthesame
MyPTSD Pro
I am hiding in a toilet stall at work. I had a driver try everything possible to make me lose my temper at him. It was absolutely deliberate, he and have never gotten along.
He showed up 2 hours early with a a massive load I didn't have room for. He hid the paperwork for the driver that was supposed to be there. Who had showed up on time.
I made him wait a while. As I caught up on some paperwork. The entire time I was doing that, he stood beside me, with his face a few inches from mine glaring at me. I stayed calm. Finished the paperwork.
Started the offload, same crap. Got in my way, did the exact opposite of every instruction I gave him. I still stayed calm. I was shaking in rage, but I stayed calm.
I didn't realise it untill it was done and he left. I was clenching my jaw so hard I broke at least one tooth.
I did it. I didn't lose my shit. I feel awful. Not just the pain, I don't know whether to vomit, cry or smash the shit out of this f*cking bathroom I'm sitting in. At the same time I feel numb. Trying not to start carving into myself (self harm not suicide).
I won't bother going to management, they won't help. They never do. I'm the problem employee.
I feel like I did that night. Staring at the wreck in front of me. I don't know what to do. I hate this.
Why did I take this job? This was such a stupid idea. I'm trying to stay grounded. Feel like I can't get enough air. I hate this. Don't hyperventilate. Breathe. Probably shouldn't post this.
I hate this.
If this the wrong place,, feel free to move it. Hands are shaking to5 much to type anymore on this phone.
He showed up 2 hours early with a a massive load I didn't have room for. He hid the paperwork for the driver that was supposed to be there. Who had showed up on time.
I made him wait a while. As I caught up on some paperwork. The entire time I was doing that, he stood beside me, with his face a few inches from mine glaring at me. I stayed calm. Finished the paperwork.
Started the offload, same crap. Got in my way, did the exact opposite of every instruction I gave him. I still stayed calm. I was shaking in rage, but I stayed calm.
I didn't realise it untill it was done and he left. I was clenching my jaw so hard I broke at least one tooth.
I did it. I didn't lose my shit. I feel awful. Not just the pain, I don't know whether to vomit, cry or smash the shit out of this f*cking bathroom I'm sitting in. At the same time I feel numb. Trying not to start carving into myself (self harm not suicide).
I won't bother going to management, they won't help. They never do. I'm the problem employee.
I feel like I did that night. Staring at the wreck in front of me. I don't know what to do. I hate this.
Why did I take this job? This was such a stupid idea. I'm trying to stay grounded. Feel like I can't get enough air. I hate this. Don't hyperventilate. Breathe. Probably shouldn't post this.
I hate this.
If this the wrong place,, feel free to move it. Hands are shaking to5 much to type anymore on this phone.