I DID STUFF!

RussellSue

Not Active
Tomorrow, I have an online orientation for a volunteer position where I will be teaching digital literacy to refugees. I have already completed all of this organization's other requirements including an earlier online orientation. Yesterday, I rearranged my resume and applied to 3 online academic writing tutoring jobs, and created a profile on a very large online tutoring marketplace website. Today, I passed the necessary tests to teach the subjects I said that I could teach, and my profile ought to be active on that site in a few days. 👍

I have not reached my goal of being employed/working independently, yet, but I am feeling very good about my chances of getting there in a reasonable amount of time. I do have tutoring experience and plenty of education in the subjects I want to teach, plus tutoring seems to be doing pretty well right now.

The thing that was in my way was my insane fear of being on camera. As a facially-deformed grown-up with a serious history of child abuse and bullying, I have spent all of my life trying to keep people from looking at my face. The idea of willfully being in the center of video focus with random strangers the world-over did not thrill me at all. In fact, while I was accepted to a good writing teaching program a few years ago, my anxiety led me in another direction for fear of the cameras I knew I would have to face.

Today, many, many hours of motivational videos and EMDR later, I have gotten past my debilitating anxiety and I am making forward progress with a camera in my face. Don't get me wrong -- I still have plenty of anxiety surrounding this. However, it is not enough anxiety to keep me paralyzed and I feel confident that I am headed toward bigger and better things, perhaps even the teaching of college as @Friday recently mentioned and I quickly dismissed due to the struggles I was still having in full-force only a couple of months ago.

I am excited and optimistic (which is completely out of character). 😁🐳🥳


Thanks for reading. 😺
 
Last edited:

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
As far as having concerns about being on camera with the jobs. You can do it. Let your confidence shine through!! Your very intelligent and I believe you can really help people.
 

RussellSue

Not Active
Thank you @Survivor3 and @Rani G2!!! 🥳

I really appreciate the encouragement. I feel that my entire existence has been a push for me to get comfortable with people looking at me. That battle is not over,
but I can't win that battle if I am not even trying and I was not for a long, long time. The very thought made me ill.

I believe you can really help people.
Thank you, again. That makes me happy. 🙂
 

RussellSue

Not Active
Wow! Was this really only a week ago? Life is nuts or maybe it's just me.

I got through that orientation and my profile is active on the tutoring platform.

I am getting restabilized on my meds right now. With the sudden realization that I do, in fact, have a mood disorder, I am thinking a lot about what makes me feel more stable. Looking for temporary gigs is not one of those things. And so, I am not sure what these accomplishments will mean in the long-term. Frankly, the platform looks like a bad idea, right now. I would much prefer to find stable work.

I'm not doing shit, today, though. I'm grounded or something -- trying my damnedest to not make any big plans because they are making steam rise from the folds of my brain.
 
Last edited:

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
Tomorrow, I have an online orientation for a volunteer position where I will be teaching digital literacy to refugees. I have already completed all of this organization's other requirements including an earlier online orientation. Yesterday, I rearranged my resume and applied to 3 online academic writing tutoring jobs, and created a profile on a very large online tutoring marketplace website. Today, I passed the necessary tests to teach the subjects I said that I could teach, and my profile ought to be active on that site in a few days. 👍

I have not reached my goal of being employed/working independently, yet, but I am feeling very good about my chances of getting there in a reasonable amount of time. I do have tutoring experience and plenty of education in the subjects I want to teach, plus tutoring seems to be doing pretty well right now.

The thing that was in my way was my insane fear of being on camera. As a facially-deformed grown-up with a serious history of child abuse and bullying, I have spent all of my life trying to keep people from looking at my face. The idea of willfully being in the center of video focus with random strangers the world-over did not thrill me at all. In fact, while I was accepted to a good writing teaching program a few years ago, my anxiety led me in another direction for fear of the cameras I knew I would have to face.

Today, many, many hours of motivational videos and EMDR later, I have gotten past my debilitating anxiety and I am making forward progress with a camera in my face. Don't get me wrong -- I still have plenty of anxiety surrounding this. However, it is not enough anxiety to keep me paralyzed and I feel confident that I am headed toward bigger and better things, perhaps even the teaching of college as @Friday recently mentioned and I quickly dismissed due to the struggles I was still having in full-force only a couple of months ago.

I am excited and optimistic (which is completely out of character). 😁🐳🥳


Thanks for reading. 😺
That's amazing news, and I'm glad you are feeling good about yourself! Teaching English to refugees will be very rewarding......they are usually a respectful group of people because they appreciate the help. I worked with refugges for a couple of years......an amazing and heartfelt experience. You will do great! Every day you go to work, when you are done, turn your computer off and tell yourself, "Good job" out loud. Looking forward to hearing some wonderful teaching stories!
 
Top