disconnect
Learning
This is something I was talking about with my T in my last session. Since I was very, very young, my parents have always told me I'm pathetic, useless, horrible and worthless. I feel like everything I try, I will fail at, because I've had in carved into my mind from an early age that whatever I do will never be good enough, that if I do something, I will do it wrong and/or something bad will happen to me and if something goes just slightly wrong, I will be labelled as 'bad' and 'naughty'. I feel worthless. I don't believe I deserve to be helped or deserve to recover. Whenever something goes wrong, I'm automatically conditioned to cry in the corner, like I've done something really awful and feel like a pathetic, worthless piece of shit. When I get shouted at, I feel like that scolded little girl again, that's had someone screaming in her face, hitting her and spitting venom at her. I'm so angry and so vulnerable right now and I don't believe I deserve to be here.
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