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I don’t know what to call this

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by Timlengibson, Jun 22, 2018.

  1. Timlengibson

    Timlengibson Guest

    So I had this friend when I was in high school. We were in the same art class. Him and two other dudes would always make comments on my butt and how hot I was. I kind of just laughed it off at the time because they were my friends. A year after graduating one of those friends texted me saying he missed me and wanted to hang out to catch up . (I missed him too as a friend) however I had a feeling he was just interested in hooking up. So at first I was super hesitant and even stated I didn’t wanna do anything sexual with him. He acted like he was offended I even said that and stated it would just be as friends. (Gullible me I know) so I agreed to hanging out with him. We were in his room watching a movie and he started pulling moves on me. I would just laugh it off and try to change the subject. But he was very adamant saying I was so hot and he just wanted to cuddle. So after a while of pushing it off I said okay we can cuddle... then he keeps trying to kiss me... after several tries of moving my face I’m like okay we can kiss but that’s all!!!!!! But he wanted more. He wanted to have sex and he said that several times. I literally told him atleast 10 times “no I don’t want to ... I’m not having sex with you” I am in the process of putting on my clothes (still had under wear on) and he starts saying things like “what the f*ck really? You were teasing me. That’s so f*cked up... I’m gonna get blue balls now because of you and that shit hurts” at this point I start feeling guilty and that this is my fault and I owe him this since I came here. So at first i offer to give him a blow job so he “won’t get blue balls”, he said no that’s not good enough that will take too long. He wants sex. (At this point THERE IS NO WAY HE DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT WANT TO DO THIS) so I end up laying back down next to him letting him do it. But then the condom breaks. I’m freaking out thinking I’m gonna get an std or pregnant and wanting to stop. I practically begged him to stop. But he got mad “are you seriously not gonna let me finish? That’s messed up... atleast let me finish” so I say okay but make it quick. I end up leaving afterward and crying all the way home. At this point in time I really thought this was my fault so I continued to talk to him. As well as agreeing to go back over his house and had consensual sex with him (even though I hated it and even told him to hurry up ) for the first couple months I was like in this fog and didn’t even realize how I didn’t want to have sex with him. Like I didn’t let it effect me I was numb to it. However recently this has been bothering me and thinking about it makes a panic attack come. I drove near where he lived the other day and started crying. My biggest issue is idk what to define this as. Like I know that I did choose to lay back down next to him but I also told him no so many times!! And I also recognize that I did wilingly go back to his house to have sex willingly so that does look bad. Please someone tell me what this is defined as
     
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  3. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

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  4. Justmehere

    Justmehere Help support myPTSD - more info in Social forum Moderator Premium Member

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    It’s regrettable sex with a real jerk.
     
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  5. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Yeah^^
    And you never have to have any kind of sex with a bloke because of his balls.
     
  6. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

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    Yep I think it’s regrettable too - saying you don’t want to have sex while consenting to hugging, kissing and petting gives really mixed messages. It sounds like you’re struggling and need some support, not least to help you set clear boundaries and mean them (ie I don’t want to see you and I’m leaving now).
     
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  7. Sietz

    Sietz I'm a VIP

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    I'm going to have to agree on the regrettable sex but disagree on the mixed messages. Kissing does not always lead to sex. It can be just kissing.

    I think the problem lies in him insisting and you eventually caving, but you were sound of mind to consent - which makes it sex, even if it was with a jerk and regrettable.

    In any case, next time you agree to hugs and kisses if the guy wants to go further and you don't, say a clear no and if he doesn't respect that.. Just do yourself a favor and leave, hun.
     
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  8. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    The mixed message part is where she says no but then lies down next to him so they can have sex.
     
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  9. Sietz

    Sietz I'm a VIP

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    Ah ok.
    Thanks for the clarification Eve.
     
  10. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

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    And where she says I don’t want to see you, but goes anyway, says she doesn’t want to kiss, but consents anyway, and says she doesn’t want sex but offers a blow job.

    OP, regrettable sex doesn’t mean you weren’t impacted by it, or that you’ve done something wrong as such, it just means that by not saying no and meaning it, the guy had no way of knowing you didn’t want to have sex with him because each time you said no you later said yes - which can happen in lots of circumstances - but means he didn’t sexually assault or rape you.

    That doesn’t mean you don’t need help and support - you may still benefit from counselling if some kind. Be gentle with yourself, it’s ok to regret something you did but don’t let it become a stick to beat yourself with.
     
    blackemerald1, Esterio and Sietz like this.
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