I Don’t Want To Go to Therapy Tomorrow.

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
I saw my T after she returned from her vacation last week. Everything went fine. I didn’t email her anything through the course of the week (normally I send her some thoughts or triggers and we discuss it later in session, I have actually not ever gone an entire week without sending at least one email). I’m supposed to see her tomorrow and I don’t want to. This is completely out of character for me. I’m also spending my day feeling like my friends are slowly disappearing and last night I felt the need to talk about outcomes of bills and such if my husband or I were to die. I’m wondering if I should just cancel my appointment. Why is this happening?
 

Friday

Moderator
Unless I have solid reasons NOT to go to something? I mostly ignore my feelings on the matter, as feelings come & go. Especially my “don’t wanna” feelings. I don’t wanna get up, I don’t wanna eat, I don’t wanna exercise, I don’t wanna see friends, I don’t wanna go to work, I don’t wanna do A-Z. But I do things I don’t want to all the time, because I’ve made the decision A-Z is important to me, and an attack the don’t wannas? Is to be expected. Because I’m not always going to want to do what I’ve decided to do.

Mostly ignore? Yep. Because balking can ALSO be my subconscious thwacking me upside the head that I DO have solid reasons, that I should reeeeeally pay attention to… that I’m not. Like my stress levels needing lowering/tinkering, or over scheduling, or coming down with a cold, or an obligation I’ve forgotten about, or, or, or.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
Another thought is that I’m feeling kind of nauseous today. I felt yucky last Sunday as well. So now, after 4 years, my new normal is to feel sick the day before therapy? WTH.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Maybe bringing up the not emailing this week and the feeling of not wanting to go to therapy, are really good things to explore in therapy tomorrow?

The reason could be so many:
Avoiding something
Just feeling alright and not wanting to rock the boat
Just not feeling it and no deeper level
Or who knows?

But it must be normal to sometimes not want to go? Would be weird if we wanted to go every single week , each and every time. Bound to have times where we are less into it than others?
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Sometimes I don't feel like going to therapy either but they are actually good reasons to have the session. Sometimes those can be the most productive. Even just talking about the things that you've mentioned in your posts are a good enough reason to have the session. Hope your ok no matter what you decide. 🙂
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
I’ve been making my list for tomorrow. It has things like me wanting to burn my journals with my T present (don’t think that’s possible), I can’t comfort my 13 year old “part” and I had a really good week last week and it scared me because I realized that in my healing, I barely have any friends, so without my therapist around, I’ll be very alone. And my solution is to quit therapy…. Which I realize makes absolutely zero sense.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I’ve been making my list for tomorrow. It has things like me wanting to burn my journals with my T present (don’t think that’s possible), I can’t comfort my 13 year old “part” and I had a really good week last week and it scared me because I realized that in my healing, I barely have any friends, so without my therapist around, I’ll be very alone. And my solution is to quit therapy…. Which I realize makes absolutely zero sense.
I Went through that over the last couple of weeks. I barely have any friends either so ditching my counsellor really wouldn't be a good idea. You need people on your side helping you.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
Another thought is, last week, we talked about how our relationship goes two ways and we both care about each other. I have complex ptsd and to hear that she cares about me both in and out of the office is terrifying. At first it felt nice, but then it started to feel dangerous so I lived a great week with zero thoughts about our work together. I started thinking that therapy doesn’t even feel real and maybe I don’t need it.
 

RNrecovery

Learning
Feeling this way is such a trick. We know deep down we should go but all of our s&*# PTSD defenses tell us to run away. I am feeling the same. I think of all the ways to cancel my appointments. The other person who said they don't cancel until I can think of real reasons not go. I don't want to, it feels icky, I shouldn't need it, this is dump, I would rather work late, take a nap (insert anything), are all not reasons. I have settled on "Can I think of reasons why therapy is bad for me" if I can then I made a deal with myself that I would tell her first before I decided to quit. If I still felt that way after bringing it up, I would quit. So far I have come up with a few reasons to tell her about but after talking I didn't quit.
 
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