Relationship I don't love you anymore

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Tishtosh

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Hi I'm new so first post

I've been with my husband for 15 years. He's a veteran did 16 years in the army.. 2 tours of Iraq and one of afghan.
He has never had any worries with mental health untill start of lock down where he felt a bit low and got some cbt making him feel "better". I look back now and realise this was the state of ptsd rearing it's head as since then he's become moody, irritable and showing all the classic signs. He misses army life - the cameraderie, he dosnt have many close friends and has struggled a bit with fitting into civilian life (been put 5 years) He's increasing gotten distant and it felt we were working against each other not with each other. 2months ago he came out with he had no feelings and didn't love me anymore.this was out of the blue. Of course all outside see this literally as he has fallen our of love with me but as I tried to make sense of it I realise this was greater than him not loving me anymore but ptsd. He has since confirmed this is the case and that he has become numb to everything and has no feelings for anyone or anything,including his family and his own children. He so desperately wants to but can't. He was sbandodend buly his mumasa child ad his dad was in adput of prison.... This has also been playing on his mind and added to it all. He's insisting on moving out as he feels he no longer belongs in our family also he feels he needs space whilst going through therapy. He has therapy lined up.. 3 charities all willing to help. He has been living with us untill he gets a flat. We are communicating and getting on better than ever. He's keeping me update with everything and is only wanting to apply for flats within walking distance of the family home.
He has said he will let me love and support him through this and that he is willing to go through this as a family ad get family supports and once hes gone through therapy and in a stronger frame of mind will consider working on our marriage if his feelings return. Outside family and friends think I'm clinging too much onto hope and I'm being blinded by my love for him and that he will use me as a crutch through therapy then discard me. He is a honest, loyal man... Never done me any wrong and I truly believe not that way inclined. He is mentally ill and I'm his wife and want to love support him through this. I know ptsd never goes away but you learn to live and cope with it, im prepared to give him 210% support.
I feel so utterly lonely through all of this. He had always been my support... I thought we were so strong, that he is my soul mate. I'm devastated and living in a limbo of love can get us through this and to trust the process of what will be will be and that I'm being a total fool to even think this could have a happy ending.
I feel I need some reassurance from other this may be be happening to.
 
the lockdown was brutal on my own psych issues. covid never was the meanest pathogen in my personal petri dish. the loss of support, etc., was and remains devastating in own coping. the global silence that ^it^ ever happened might be even more brutal. it is reminding me an awful lot of the masked social distances i experienced in the 60's when i first started trying to escape my life as a child prostitute. decent folk don't discuss such things. . . just mask it all. if decent folk don't discuss ^it^, ^it^ doesn't exist. how can i trust such wisdom?

that he has become numb to everything and has no feelings for anyone or anything,including his family and his own children.

in my own recovery, this remains true when dealing with my cptsd issues. i have learned how to process the emotions attached but still haven't found the joy in the need and still do not want those issues anywhere near my loved ones. may they forever have an ignorance worth cherishing of what i went through and continue to go through vis a vie my cptsd issues.

He's insisting on moving out as he feels he no longer belongs in our family also he feels he needs space whilst going through therapy.

this very tactic helped me tremendously in balancing my healing needs with my love and devotion to my spouse and the family we have built together. hubby and i quite solidly believe that family is bigger than a shared address. living alone gave me the space i needed to process those memories and emotions i so desperately want to protect my family from. my partner's blessing to do so might have been the most powerful healing magic in the miracle of healing.

I'm devastated and living in a limbo of love can get us through this and to trust the process of what will be will be and that I'm being a total fool to even think this could have a happy ending.
I feel I need some reassurance from other this may be be happening to.

you won't find our "happy ending" on the facebook romance pages, but i am rather proud of our partnership. our customized approach has served us well enough that we have recently celebrated our 42nd anniversary while pulling together in the traces to raise our 3 orphaned grandchildren. cinderella and prince charming we ain't, but our partnership works when we work it. our running mantra is, "small steps, big faith and lots of prayer. let god lead the dance,"
 
Arfie thankyou so much for your reply.
I'm not even after a happy ever after just my man by my side again to feel whole.
I'm so open to living apart, we all need space at times and it can be very cathartic in learning to love yourself again. Our house can be a pressure cooker with 2 young girls with their own emotional /neuro diverse needs and my depression in the mix. I often feel I need some time out myself.
Reading your comments has helped me enormously understand my own situation that I do feel I'm on the right path. As you said family/marriage is much more than the same house /address xxx
 
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