Relationship I f*cked up


Me and ptsd vet were being intimate last night and in the middle of it he stops and asks me if I’m ready to do anal. I’ve told him numerous times that I don’t like it and that it hurts; I didn’t answer him. He asked me again but told me this time it’s either I do it or he leaves. At this point I broke. I was so tired of him asking me these this or that questions or playing these “jokes” on me after I ask him not to. For example. One day he came and met me at my job for my lunch break, we sat in his car. He out of the blue states that he wanted to break up with me. He’s done this so many times and hurt me so much I didn’t say anything and just tried to get out the car, but he physically pulled me back in and held me down and told me “I was just playing.” He’s done things like this so many times that I just broke last night. I pushed at him and yelled at him to get off him. He didn’t realize I was serious until I started crying. At that point he got upset back at me, put his clothes and started to leave but changed his mind and slept on the oposite side of the bed. I couldn’t sleep. I had so much anxiety the whole night knowing if I tried to touch he’d pull away and get even more upset. I cried most of the night and he didn’t flinch. Just played a game on his phone and went to sleep. When I got up for work this morning, he totally avoided looking in my face and didn’t speak to me at all. I tried to talk to him about last night, he just kept telling me “I don’t have anything to say to you. I’m good.” I sit and cried for a few minutes before we headed out the door. And he just stood there waiting for me to finish, rubbing his face like he was frustrated. He drops me off at work, hands me back my gate key and tells me “it was nice meeting you.” I sat and tried to talk to him for a minute and he finally said something. That he was upset because he was just joking with me and I started crying. I even told him about something from my childhood that I had never told anyone as to why I reacted the way I did. Nothing. Just told me he was sorry that happened to me. I asked him to go home and think about everything. If he really wants to throw everything away. He just kept telling me “okay” just to get me out the car. I’ve texted him three times since this morning. Things I just want him to know.
I'm sorry you going through something like this. Its just my opinion, but it sounds like there is some lack of respect there from that guy. Respect is even more important than love. Love can be manipulated. So I'd say end things there, and keep an eye out for someone that can at the very least respect you as a person. Take my opinion with a grain of salt though. It's not like I've ever made any good decisions. Lol