I Feel Alone

[Real]

I really don't know what to write. I signed up to be a part of this community because I feel so alone. Most of my life I knew something was wrong. I'd get depressed and come out of it, but in the past 9 months or so it has become pretty clear that it's ptsd. Maybe it's time to deal with it. I am getting help, but I feel pretty isolated and alone. I'm not working now...it seems my whole life has been put on hold.

So that's all I can really say for now. I'm glad this community is here.

Thanks,
Real

 

[amethist]

Hi Real

Welcome to the forum.

You are not alone anymore, you now have the help and support of this forum.

It is a great place to feel connected again, with other who "get it" as the saying seems to be right now.

Take your time with everything, there is no rush. read as much as you can and ask as many questions as you like, someone will answer them.

Take care and good luck.

Amethist

 

[bonnecanyon]

Hi Real

Welcome! There is no need to feel alone anymore - there are lots of people here who understand and are willing to connect and share.

You took the first step - you posted - and now you will begin the healing journey. Keep reaching out - we're glad you're here.

Take care
BC

 

[Grainne]

Welcome from me too Real. You are most definitely not alone...there are many of us here with you :)

Grainne

 

[pebbels]

Hi Real:hello:and welcome:Hug_emoticon:

YOU are not alone:naughty:anymore

Pebs

 

[Nicky31]

Hello Real, and a warm welcome to you.

I identify with that feeling of your life being "on hold". I really hope that your support externally and the support you will receive here will allow you to slowly but surely shift your life into first gear. I know how frustrating this can feel.

Nicky

 

[JohnnyM53]

Welcome to the Forum Real

i think the worse part of feeling depressed is feeling we are all alone with no one to reach out to.

I see you're from Ontario. Same here. Aside from this PTSD-specific on line support forum, there's one for Ontario (Mood Disorders Association of Ontario or MDAO) specific for people suffering from unipolar or bipolar depression.

It's at mooddisorders(dot)on(dot)ca.

You can also check out patientslikeme(dot)com, which is mostly North American, but is worldwide, which has a forum and also lets you track your moods, etc.

If you're in Ottawa, there's Mood Disorders of Ottawa (MDO), which I am a member of and their website is at mooddisordersottawa(dot)ca, which holds support group meeting twice a month, as well as monthly social activities. If you'd like info on MDO, just let me know.

Johnny

 

[Real]

Thank you for welcoming me. I'm still pretty nervous about posting. I guess it makes me feel vulnerable which is not a good feeling.

I chose "Real" as my username because it's been a recurring issue for me. Most of the time, I don't feel real and even those who are helping me don't seem real. And somewhere in my mind I think that ptsd can't be real for me.

Maybe not being real makes it all more bearable. Does that make sense?

Thanks again for welcoming me,
Real

 

[helena]

Hi Real,

Welcome to the forum. You have made the right choice coming here because there are a lot of people you can connect with and get advice and support whenever you need it.

Look forward to seeing you around the forum

Helena

 

[tryintobreathe]

Real,

Welcome to the forum. That made sense to be...I felt as though I was faking it most of my life. Trying to pretend to be normal or how I thought others thought I should act. The only way to get better is to be REAL.

Jen

 

[Real]

Jen,

I think what I meant by being real was more like I don't feel like I am real in that I don't even exist. It's weird. It's like this can't be real, I can't be real, like it's all some kind of nightmare. And people who care about me can't be real because I am not worthy of being cared for. In my mind, they are either not real or completely blind.

When I'm with other people, it's like I don't exist. When I'm by myself, I don't exist. I can't...everything is too unreal. I know I'm there, but something is totally and completely unreal.

I do go through the motions because I have to. But in the past few months I've totally given up on acting like I think others expect me to. It just takes too much energy. So I find myself isolating myself more and more. It's just easier and takes a whole lot less energy for sure.

Real?

 

[shiraz]

Welcome to the forum Real .... I know that unreal feeling too, like walking through a dream and nobody sees you - like watching yourself walking down a flight of stairs - like wondering who this person is sleeping next to you in bed, when he has been sleeping there for years, and you wonder how it came to be that this is your life.

It is called dissociation, it is a negative coping skill and with help you can find ways to minimize it.

I have almost completely overcome dissociation. When I do dissociate, I can work through it and get back to normal in an hour or so.

I hear you on not being able to keep up the front any longer. For me that felt like splitting at the seams - no matter what I did, I just could not keep the insides from leaking out and making a mess everywhere. People did not know me like that - all they knew was the pretending me. Pretending to be helpful, happy, kind, caring, confident, at ease ..... etc. when I could not do that any longer, I isolated too. It was a very confusing time.

Do you have a therapist? The only way to work through PTSD is with a good trauma therapist; somebody who has experience and can help you get back on your feet quickly. It will take a lot of work, it is not easy, but you will get through this and on the other side you will find a person who is REAL and loves being who she really is.

Hugs and care

Shiraz