Is the feeling "I can't do anything that isn't urgent" common with PTSD?
If you feel like this, what kinds of jobs work well for you?
I have a diagnosis of chronic PTSD. It was rooted in (preverbal) trauma in healthcare as an infant, and in child abuse until at least age 12. I can remember none of the original medical trauma and little of the child abuse.
It was diagnosed late, at age 45. But it seemed originally to manifest at age 19, masquerading as "chronic fatigue" (my own impression) or "anxiety and depression" (official diagnoses). Since 19 I could do only what I had to do -- initially study full-time and then work. Eventually I quit working after I had a windfall from employee stock options. But I couldn't bring myself to go back to work until all that money was gone, years later. Recently in a job with mandatory overtime, I managed to save around $10,000 for the first time in many years. Then I suddenly quit with no notice, and didn't go back to work until nearly all that money was used up.
My intuition is that, at some point in the grind, at 19, the stress of full-time study started to trigger my PTSD. But I got used to a very high level of stress and urgency, until at age 27 I "retired" for a while. So now, whenever there's less stress or or urgency than in that 8-year period, it feels like "weekend" or "vacation time." It's only very recently that I've become able to describe my problem in this way, but I think the description applies. I've never been unable to work, although I've very often (nearly always) felt unable to conduct a meaningful and worthwhile life outside of work.
If you've felt like this -- like you're inert outside of urgency -- and you've overcome it, what has helped you to do so?
I feel triggered by work, when I'm not being triggered by healthcare provider interactions; so when I was in trauma therapy weekly, it was "one step forward and two steps back." I'm hoping to save up some more money, quit again, and go to an intensive trauma therapy retreat -- although I'm skeptical of their efficacy in complex PTSD rooted in continual situations. Maybe relief will come once FDA approves MAPS's protocol for accelerated trauma therapy...
If you feel like this, what kinds of jobs work well for you?
I have a diagnosis of chronic PTSD. It was rooted in (preverbal) trauma in healthcare as an infant, and in child abuse until at least age 12. I can remember none of the original medical trauma and little of the child abuse.
It was diagnosed late, at age 45. But it seemed originally to manifest at age 19, masquerading as "chronic fatigue" (my own impression) or "anxiety and depression" (official diagnoses). Since 19 I could do only what I had to do -- initially study full-time and then work. Eventually I quit working after I had a windfall from employee stock options. But I couldn't bring myself to go back to work until all that money was gone, years later. Recently in a job with mandatory overtime, I managed to save around $10,000 for the first time in many years. Then I suddenly quit with no notice, and didn't go back to work until nearly all that money was used up.
My intuition is that, at some point in the grind, at 19, the stress of full-time study started to trigger my PTSD. But I got used to a very high level of stress and urgency, until at age 27 I "retired" for a while. So now, whenever there's less stress or or urgency than in that 8-year period, it feels like "weekend" or "vacation time." It's only very recently that I've become able to describe my problem in this way, but I think the description applies. I've never been unable to work, although I've very often (nearly always) felt unable to conduct a meaningful and worthwhile life outside of work.
If you've felt like this -- like you're inert outside of urgency -- and you've overcome it, what has helped you to do so?
I feel triggered by work, when I'm not being triggered by healthcare provider interactions; so when I was in trauma therapy weekly, it was "one step forward and two steps back." I'm hoping to save up some more money, quit again, and go to an intensive trauma therapy retreat -- although I'm skeptical of their efficacy in complex PTSD rooted in continual situations. Maybe relief will come once FDA approves MAPS's protocol for accelerated trauma therapy...