i feel like im not allowed to be sick

P

Paul.

i cant help but feel that with this illness, I'm not allowed to have symptoms.
wife gets angry at me when I am having episodes.
this has brought back some dark thoughts. suicidal ideations.
any one else experiencing similar?
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
yup, i experience similar.

i'm gaining skill in managing my episodes to prevent the escalation to suicidal ideation, but the episodes continue to plague me. hubby has gotten better about not getting testy about those episodes since i learned how to back off and lean more heavily on my therapy support network to find healthier coping mechanisms. these days i'm kinda grateful to the love of my life when his irritation alerts me to the fact that i am displaying symptoms. sometimes it is hard to know from the inside. it's good to have an external cue i can trust. may he never have the experience understand what i am going through. i am grateful for the peer supporters who **do** understand.

gentle empathy and support while you find your own way through, paul
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Most people in my life get mad at me when I’m behaving badly.
Yup. Or my wife gets frustrated sometimes because she wants to do x way and I want to do y way. Kind of had that today. Ususaly my bad behaviour comes from frustration and fosters feelings of failure. That can get to near total shut down.
Today was just she wanted an answer and I couldn't get one together, so she left and went grocery shopping. By the time she got back I had an answer.

The siple answer is -- I need more space sometimes and more time. It's that same old thing where strss and cognition are linked. More of one less of the other. If I deal with the stress, cognition and behaviour are better. The more stressed, the worse the cognition the stronger the feelings of failure and frustration and bad stuff is gonna happen.......
 
J

Jenny138

i cant help but feel that with this illness, I'm not allowed to have symptoms.
wife gets angry at me when I am having episodes.
this has brought back some dark thoughts. suicidal ideations.
any one else experiencing similar?
Yup. Or my wife gets frustrated sometimes because she wants to do x way and I want to do y way. Kind of had that today. Ususaly my bad behaviour comes from frustration and fosters feelings of failure. That can get to near total shut down.
Today was just she wanted an answer and I couldn't get one together, so she left and went grocery shopping. By the time she got back I had an answer.

The siple answer is -- I need more space sometimes and more time. It's that same old thing where strss and cognition are linked. More of one less of the other. If I deal with the stress, cognition and behaviour are better. The more stressed, the worse the cognition the stronger the feelings of failure and frustration and bad stuff is gonna happen.......
I feel this way to in that I get sad for no reason at random time and I don’t know why. Husband just says “don’t cry, I’ll just leave so you can be alone.” I don’t want to be alone, I want to be okay to be sad even id I don’t know why. Just be there. It’s very isolating.
 
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