I feel so lonely, I don’t really have friends (VENT)

I dont really have anyone to talk to. Not only about my mental health but just in general. I don’t really have friends anymore. So yeah im coming on here to vent because I don’t have anywhere else to.


One of my closet friends, someone who I would call my twinflame ghosted me at the begining of quarantine. She wouldnt answer any of my texts or calls and when she finally did in July she said she was distancing herself because shes been going through a spiritual awakening. Im not particulary mad at her for that because I myself have begun that journey and I understand the need to self isolate. I just really need a friend right now. She was the one person out of all my friends who always understood me and really listened to me. We helped each other through so much, and often times were able to relate to each other because we both suffered terrible trauma in childhood. We also both have the same interests in spirituality so I had hoped shed wanna talk about our journey and experiences together. It hurts me so much that she was able to cast me out so easily without any explanation. It makes me think that she didn’t really care about me. ?

I chose to stop communicting with one of my other friends because how toxic she was towards me and I felt drained everytime I was around her.

I have another friend from our group and we did not “end” our friendship but we barely talk and she is moving to a diff state. When I try to talk to her about stuff like mental illness or my struggles she does not really understand and gives those answers that dont really help or sometimes make me feel worse.

I feel so lonely. I put so much effort into being their friends and helping them with their problems, I geniuely had so much love for these girls. Now I realize that it was mostly one sided and that they do not care about me nearly as much as I did for them.

Thats why my posts are so long and I have so much to say. Those were my only 3 friends so I dont have anyone else to tell this stuff to or talk with. And ive isolated myself from pratically all family memebers.

I dont have a person to send memes to anymore or text when something funny happens to me or when im excited about something.I have no one to call. Its one of the worse feelings when all you want to do is share new things and information with someone and you have no one to go to.

I feel pathetic :/
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
You're not pathetic at all.

I've realised some friends struggle with certain things. With my friends: I've always been the one people talk to about their problems. And as my problems and I began to unravel: some friends have been able to accept that I need their support and some find the shift not something that fits. So I have worked out who to go to what. If that makes sense. Realised the limitations in some friendships.

With your friend who ghosted you. Is there room for talking with her again about that? I think lockdown has been hard and I know I haven't contacted some people because I'm going through my own stuff and I don't have the strength for their stuff too. Doesn't mean I don't care , it's just I can't at the moment. Maybe that is the same for your friend? Doesn't stop the hurt or stop you needing an outlet. But maybe don't shut the door on the friendship?

You clearly are able to make friends and keep friends, so don't be down on yourself.
 
Thanks for replying :) I always find that I resonate with your responses a lot.

I think that describes the dynamic of most my friendships perfectly. I am usually the one giving advice but do not receive it. Sometimes I believe my struggles are too "big" for my friends to handle because while they ask for advice on dating their boyfriends I want to talk about my childhood trauma and PTSD.

I've tried reaching out so many times. There was a point where I texted her almost everyday just to tell her I was here if she ever wanted to talk and that I missed her. I know she struggles with anxiety and PTSD and often times she rather deal with things on her own but usually if she was self isolating I was the one person she would still keep in contact with and at least tell me that she was okay and what was going on. I know sometimes that she also gets anxious if she takes too long to answer people and that after a certain point their friendship won't be the same. I told her that if she felt that way, I promised that wasn't the case and that I just wanted to hear from her. I don't want to close the door on the friendship but I have been trying to keep it afloat for months and my attempts have been one sided. I don't want to force anything on her so I gave her space. The last time we talked she made it seem like goodbye and that I was not going to see her again for a long while. She told me that one day when we are both healed hopefully the universe would cross our paths again but for now I love you and good luck.

I will always welcome her with open arms if she wants to talk but I don't think she does. It really sucks because I feel like I wasn't ready for her to leave so abruptly but at the same time I can't force the friendship on her you know? I hope whatever she is dealing with she is able to heal from but I don't think she sees me in her life right now. I applaud her if that's what best for her, who knows maybe I was draining to her. It still hurts though :/
 

Whirlwind

MyPTSD Pro
I applaud her if that's what best for her, who knows maybe I was draining to her. It still hurts though :/


I'm sorry you are hurting. I have struggled with friendships and my lack of FOO it is a tough thing. It is major that you can appreciate your friend may be dealing iwth her own stuff, and maybe for now you two are incompatible. PTSD and cause is way too much for most people. Some friendships of mine took at hit after a "lite reveal" and I was so embarrased by their reaction. And angry.

Lesson? I dump and the whole lot on pro's they are paid professionals and can handle it. Wow, it was something to just let it fly vs revealing bits. Very cathartic and scary but good in the end.

Something you said struck me.

I am usually the one giving advice but do not receive it.

I felt so sad and abandoned by my friends. I had been with them through divorces, job loss and much more. I was the one who threw parties for my friends who were alone on Valentines day and bummed. I was ok but they were not so it became a "thing" so fun. I loved them.

And the first time in our decades plus friendships....they were my FAMILY. I hit a rough patch. Understatement. They were nowhere to be found. Gone. Calls, promises but I still remember setting alone in my living room on my bday, I just had 3 deaths and I was so sad. They promised to meet me for a beer...talk. Where were they? These people who left toiletries at my house the guest room was "theirs"!

I struggled with this, why? They said they loved me, we had no argument! Were they just using me?

A therapist asked me about all of this..my friendships. My caring saving relationships. Were one sided. Were they real friendships or simply put extensions of my presumed co dependence?

Hmmm. It was me, strong for them. Always.

Were these really 50:50? No. 25:75 if that. May not resonate with you but it did me and was a shock. I loved them, still do in a way. But were they my FRIENDS? As in a balanced?

Honestly, looking back, no. That was tough for me.

Best, W
 
I dont really have anyone to talk to. Not only about my mental health but just in general. I don’t really have friends anymore. So yeah im coming on here to vent because I don’t have anywhere else to.


One of my closet friends, someone who I would call my twinflame ghosted me at the begining of quarantine. She wouldnt answer any of my texts or calls and when she finally did in July she said she was distancing herself because shes been going through a spiritual awakening. Im not particulary mad at her for that because I myself have begun that journey and I understand the need to self isolate. I just really need a friend right now. She was the one person out of all my friends who always understood me and really listened to me. We helped each other through so much, and often times were able to relate to each other because we both suffered terrible trauma in childhood. We also both have the same interests in spirituality so I had hoped shed wanna talk about our journey and experiences together. It hurts me so much that she was able to cast me out so easily without any explanation. It makes me think that she didn’t really care about me. ?

I chose to stop communicting with one of my other friends because how toxic she was towards me and I felt drained everytime I was around her.

I have another friend from our group and we did not “end” our friendship but we barely talk and she is moving to a diff state. When I try to talk to her about stuff like mental illness or my struggles she does not really understand and gives those answers that dont really help or sometimes make me feel worse.

I feel so lonely. I put so much effort into being their friends and helping them with their problems, I geniuely had so much love for these girls. Now I realize that it was mostly one sided and that they do not care about me nearly as much as I did for them.

Thats why my posts are so long and I have so much to say. Those were my only 3 friends so I dont have anyone else to tell this stuff to or talk with. And ive isolated myself from pratically all family memebers.

I dont have a person to send memes to anymore or text when something funny happens to me or when im excited about something.I have no one to call. Its one of the worse feelings when all you want to do is share new things and information with someone and you have no one to go to.

I feel pathetic :/
Don't worry you are not pathetic at all, I understand you.
I used to had a friend, she was four years younger than me, I consider her like a sibling in all senses of the word did the same thing to me after I was assaulted during her high school prom. I don't think people just stop caring about one an other, it's not that simple. But when they do those kind of things to you, maybe they were not the right fit.
Don't feel bad about being sad on it, I know it sound cliche but try to keep your mind occupied with different kind of stuff, even if it is just online friends at first so that you don't feel drown on it, or maybe reach for therapy can also be helpful. It's important to remember the good things about people and let go with baby steps of the bad ones until they can no longer hurt you
Sending you a big hug
 
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