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Childhood I Finally Told My Mom - UPDATE: I might get help

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nork5k2

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Thank you all for your advice and support.

<Mod edit: background thread here>

I finally told my mom i was sexually abused by my cousin and the weight off my chest is gone. But.. here’s the bad side. Everytime something that has to do with rape/csa really makes me anxious and upset. it really ruins the rest of my day.

every time i tell my mom about it she just tells me to be strong and stay occupied. that DOESNT work. i hate being reminded of my trauma. it hurts. i can tell she doesnt want to take me to therapy because she believes i could talk to her. does anyone know what i could do?
 
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To have the strength to tell your mom is awesome. Proud of you.
You need a safe space to talk about it though, and even if you are close to your mom she is unlikely to be able to support you the way you need. Are still in school? Maybe services available for you through that? You deserve the help you want, it’s not up to your mom how you heal.
*standing with you for support*
 
So damn proud of you, girl. :happy:

So well done.

Please tell your mom going to therapy doesn't mean she's a bad parent... it's one more phenom resource and person that can help out with very specific issues in parenting :sneaky:

It's the same as going to the dentist. You go to the dentist for teeth, and therapist for feelings when someone hurts you or the feelings just get too hard for any reason and you need a help with them. :)

And? That hardship and whole day ruined eases up, when you give it time, and work it out with doctors trained for these things that are good.
 
To have the strength to tell your mom is awesome. Proud of you.
You need a safe space to talk about it though, and even if you are close to your mom she is unlikely to be able to support you the way you need. Are still in school? Maybe services available for you through that? You deserve the help you want, it’s not up to your mom how you heal.
*standing with you for support*
Im still in school, but im pretty sure the counselor doesn’t care about the students or her job.
 
You might also try neighboring schools counselors :sneaky:

As in they usually are able to count some students have districts / elligibility / which student belongs where / payment & needs met, difficulties...

And asked around, are able to help out kids in a tough spot, that may not be 'their school' kids administratively.

Alternatively, are you on any sports teams? The coaches often care about kids well being, and are seeriously well grounded in reality, whats healthy and not, how to deal with bad relationships, and how to tell bad people off in the present and future, people.

And not even needed to spell out what happened... smart people get implications (=stuff from a few words and what it means) fast... without thinking you are at fault, too. ;) As not at fault.
 
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UPDATE - I might get help

My mom called DHR and took me to the police station. I told them everything about what happened.

They told me that I’m gonna go to a professional on April 6th and honestly, i’m kind of nervous. I’m still having bad thoughts, but not as had as before. I just keep purposely triggering myself because it’s the only way I can feel. I despise doing it. I just want my childhood back. My self worth, my happiness, my innocence.. my childhood. it’s all gone because of my stupid cousin who can’t keep her own hands to herself. i’m even starting to believe it’s my fault again: “maybe i was wearing something revealing?? maybe i provoked her somehow??” thoughts like that and it hurts. but in the middle of it all, i found a comfort character named kotoko utsugi from the video game series, danganronpa, who’s been through something similar as me. drawing her makes me feel happy, but at the same time very sad— it made me realize that so many children had to go through the same thing as both of us and it’s sickening.

does anybody know other ways to cope?

Also, quick question: is hypersexuality normal after sexual abuse?? i feel like im worrying my boyfriend by acting this way— both depressing and highly sexual. i’ve been this way after the abuse, but it wasn’t that obvious. now, it’s painfully obvious.
 
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Hi, welcome to the forum :) Glad you might get help, understand the anxiety. And yes, hyper sexuality is very normal after abuse. Some find the swing from hyper sexuality to the opposite - inhibited. I know I did.
 
Yes hypersexuality is an outcome it's not the same for everyone. I have it. I had the same kind of childhood. IDK how to say that, it's wasn't a childhood really. I know how you are feeling though. I didn't even mention it till I.was in my forties. I had repressed it all. Things are different now and better I hope in some ways. People are able to get help Sooner maybe because it's talked about. Nobody said anything about it way back when . People knew though.
 
I see.. im sorry you had a bad childhood. :(
also, i like your tank girl profile picture! jamie hewlett is one of my favorite artists. :)

Hi, welcome to the forum :) Glad you might get help, understand the anxiety. And yes, hyper sexuality is very normal after abuse. Some find the swing from hyper sexuality to the opposite - inhibited. I know I did.
Ooh, I see.. It’s good to know that it’s kind of normal, so i don’t feel all alone.

Yes hypersexuality is an outcome it's not the same for everyone. I have it. I had the same kind of childhood. IDK how to say that, it's wasn't a childhood really. I know how you are feeling though. I didn't even mention it till I.was in my forties. I had repressed it all. Things are different now and better I hope in some ways. People are able to get help Sooner maybe because it's talked about. Nobody said anything about it way back when . People knew though.
I’m really sorry about your past.. :( but i’m glad things are getting better for you! by the way, i love your tank girl pfp!! jamie hewlett is one of my favorite artists and inspirations. :)
 
Hypersexuality is common after what you’ve been through. Please don’t feel badly for how your brain or body is reacting to the stress of the situation.

i’m even starting to believe it’s my fault again: “maybe i was wearing something revealing?? maybe i provoked her somehow??”
Nope. Not your fault. Not any of it.

I hope that seeing some in April will help ease your mind a bit, and it’s good that you got that sorted after worrying about it in an earlier post.
Things seem really tough but there are stages you go through and things will ease off at times.
Keep posting if it helps and you could consider a trauma diary asa safe space to track your feelings.
 
Also, quick question: is hypersexuality normal after sexual abuse??

Yep. It’s one of the two (or three) most common reactions to sexual assault;
- hypersexual &/or promiscuous
- sexually anorexic (as opposed to simply hyposexual or lowered libido to nonexistant sex drive... finding any or all sexual acts disgusting / wrong / vile)
- an unpredictable combo of the 2

Regardless of whether someone goes onto develop PTSD -or any other disorder- those are the most normal & common reactions that people have to sexual assault. It’s actually pretty durn rare or there to be no effect... most people head to opposite sides of the spectrum... or ricochet back and forth between them.

I went with the first one. Not by choice, it’s just what happened. And continued to happen // every time I’ve been raped my libido kicks into massive overdrive... for about 6 months.

For myself, I’ve deconstructed most of the pieces that goes into that over the years. Other people who are hypersexual often have very different pieces, the following are simply mine. The two biggest pieces are; replacing every bad memory with 1,000 good memories & that almost nothing else I can think of is less like rape than sex. (Like drinking icy cold refreshing water on a hot day? There’s not much out there that’s less like drinking boiling oil, or poison, or drain cleaner. Polar opposite experiences. Even if some of the mechanics are the same). :D Loooooove sex. One of the very best parts of life. Other pieces that snick into place are; serious control issues, connecting with someone else, the grounding aspect of it (the constant interplay between partners/ being right here right now), huge stress release / relief / stress management tool, phenom exercise, the ability to “play” with different emotions, reacquiring my faith in mankind, relearning to trust my own judgement, my sense of self, and massive chemical reboot... orgasm(s) or no. Bliss.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t have nightmares, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and triggers galore. Absolutely did :wtf: Nor that fairly straightforward sexual trauma didn’t get complicated as f*ck by other traumas & complex situations happening at the same time or in&around the same time. Like abuse, betrayal, abandonment, imprionsment, combat, torture, death, domestic violence, starvation, drugs, sleep dep, injuries, relationships, grief, loss, guilt, shame, <waves hand around in the air vaguely> ‘n other stuff. Nor that being hypersexual doesn’t have its own series of challenges/problems. Alas/mores the pity. ;) It would be nice, sure, just not the way it works. <<< I’m mentioning this because a lot of people -both those who have been sexually assaulted but headed towards the revulsion end of the spectrum, and those who have never been sexually assaulted- often seem to think that if a person likes, enjoys, or seeks out sex (whether they like it or not, and hyper-sexuality can also come about as a form of self punishment... like I said, people have different pieces ), there must be no other problems! Nope. Problems are independent of libido & revel/repulsion.
 
If I may? (My childhood was bit grizzly. Kid in war. Other fun schtuff. So not like I don't get profound loss & sense of sadness and despair.)

- You haven't lost your childhood.
Nor was it taken away. Or gone anywhere. Or your innocence and so forth.

You're still a kid :sneaky:
Who was violated badly...
But who isn't damaged or corrupted or a lost cause or less innocent because of it.

It's also normal to be confused about eeeverything sexual, your age - you're still a kid and learning - even if you didn't have the added weight of violence like you do on your shoulders.

So please try to talk to trusted people, keep drawing and getting things out, and learning, you are doing cool :) But don't worry too much about growing 'wrong' as you are still young... and will be alright. ;)

Which brings me to another point...

What your cousin did was violence.
Not sex.
Violence & harm done in sexual ways.
Sex is not that.
Sex is about love, or in the very least if not love, happy freely chosen times two (or more) people have together.
 
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