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I get triggered by the sound of a door

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Iyllsa

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So about a month ago as well as about a week ago I had a really bad experience. I experienced hallucinations in my room and it really freaked me out. The worse one was when I was in my bed and I was listening to music. All of a sudden I hear a woman in the background crying(in the music). I listened in and then the song's pitch changes. I start to get freaked out so I change it. That song starts out okay, but then turns demonic. Then the next song starts talking to me.

After that I looked up at my ceiling and I saw this woman who looks like she should be dead, but she stared at me and slowly stretched her arms toward me and stroked my cheek. I closed my eyes, shook my head, and looked back. She was gone.

Then I look at my closet and the clothes hanging start to move apart and make space for whatever was behind there. I looked away and looked at my door which was starting to open by itself. It made the sound a door makes when opening. As it was slowly opening I saw these people talk, whisper, the lady came back and laughed. I heard my dad cussing at me, I felt part of my old traumas.

Anyways. It happened twice. Once I couldn't move and it was chaotic. Second time I was playing games with a friend, trying to stay distracted, but I would once in a while look at my door and the handle would slowly open by going down and the door would make the noise.

Now I can't look at anything that could open like closets, especially doors, windows, etc. It's difficult. I don't know why the sound of a door or the sight triggers me, but it does. The second I hear it it all comes back and I get really anxious or I cry. I didn't realize it may have been traumatic until today. I was with my boyfriend and on the phone with our friend when the friend decided to go through a door. The first time my heart just sped up and I tensed up. I simply said, "That awkward moment when the sound of a door makes you anxious."

The second time, which was within about... 2-3 minutes I basically broke down. It just hit me and I hugged my boyfriend tight as I started shaking and tearing up; then I started crying.

He said, "You're really crying over the sound of a door?" He didn't say it in a mean way, but like a, "Why is it that bad for you? What's wrong?" way. I told him he didn't understand and he asked for an explanation, so I did.

Anyways. Sorry for the long post. I got carried away. It was difficult doing this post because just thinking about it makes me anxious and scared.
 
Hey @Iyllsa , I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like a really intense and draining experience.
Do you have any idea what caused the hallucinations? Do they happen often like that? Are you on any particular meds that could have led to them? Or is it more directly related to your trauma?
Also, I just wanted to say: don't feel any shame for your trigger being 'just' a door. I used to get strongly triggered by the sound of a washing machine spin cycle (because it sounded like the electronic garage door opening that is strongly associated with some trauma), and I'm also still strongly triggered by the sound of a knock on the door/the doorbell ringing.
Your feelings are valid. You are not alone. And I do hope that these hallucinations will become less frequent and distressing for you.
 
Hey @Iyllsa , I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like a really intense...
I used to hallucinate a lot. Everyday even, but the most scary they became would be someone following me or tapping on my window. Before I could just walk away or hide under my covers and listen to music. My hallucinations never affected my music.

Eventually I got a psychiatrist who prescribed me antipsychotics which have helped immensely and I didn't hallucinate for about four months which is a lot. Recently I've been really stressed because my boyfriend wasn't doing too well and had to go to the doctors often and do some tests. I'd go with him to offer comfort and support, but watching him go through it stressed me out and I don't know why.

Anyways. Stress from that led to more stress and anxiety which led to more stress and so on. I became stressed enough that I think that's what caused these hallucinations. I've been so jumpy now and hyper vigilant. I feel like how I used to be before I went to therapy and had my best friend who helped me learn that not everyone is a bad person as well as teaching me that physical contact isn't scary. So right now I'm not feeling too well. I feel exhausted and I know my body wants to sleep, but I don't want to. I'm too scared about something happening and I don't want to be frozen again and something happens. I also suffer from sleep paralysis and I don't want to go through everything again because I know that's what my brain will do.
 
I'm so sorry, it sounds like a lot of stresses that you're having to deal with at once. It's understandable that things seem to be flaring up again.
Are you still in therapy? It could be a helpful tool at this time for you - to be able to talk through the stress regarding your boyfriend, and the anxiety surrounding your hallucinations.
Or perhaps a review with the psychiatrist about your antipsychotics, just to make sure they're still at the right dosage etc.
Your best friend sounds like a really great person, maybe you could try reconnecting with them also?
Sending you lots of positive thoughts. The world can feel like a big scary place a lot of the time, I feel that too. But there are good people out there @Iyllsa
 
I'm so sorry, it sounds like a lot of stresses that you're having to deal with at once. It's understan...

Yes I'm still in therapy, but he's not very helpful. In multiple sessions I've asked how to deal with anxiety and stress and all he discussed was how we had inner thoughts and all that. It wasn't helpful at all. He didn't teach any coping skills at all even though that's what I asked for on multiple occasions.

I can't go back to my best friend. She told me that she no longer wants to be part of my health life. She says she still supports me and all, but doesn't want to know about my health like if I'm having really bad anxiety, wanting to die, or if I'm in the hospital again. It's really painful, but I understand and I don't blame her. I'm glad she's able to set that boundary. I've been wanting to set that boundary with her, but couldn't do it. She did it for me.

I'm a bit upset because constantly I tried telling her that I shouldn't talk about things like my health to her, but she insisted I do. Now she's telling me I shouldn't. It's hurtful.
 
I was triggered by an ice cube maker that sounded exactly like the gunshots fired at me when I was ambushed.

I was driving my patrol car one evening and I slammed on the brakes and took evasive action because I swore that I was about to crash into a car.....there was nothing there but it was the exact same thing that I had done in the second leading up to a fatal crash I was in.

I was assigned to a homicide investigation of a young child. I was guarding her and the scene the first night in an old gravel pit. Just me and her. The next night I was there again but she had been removed. When I was walking out of the scene the following morning I swore I heard a blood curdling scream behind me.

Long and short....the feelings, emotions, sights, sounds, that you get are as @bellbird said valid and you're not alone. Hopefully with therapy, & time things will get better for you.
 
@Iyllsa I'm sorry, it's awful when a friend encourages you to open up and then they totally turn on you. I've been through that myself. It's like you wish they never would have encouraged you to do so in the first place, hey? But it's great you can recognise the benefit of a boundary being set, even though it was not a nice process getting to that point.
I hope you'll be able to find a productive therapist to help you, and that things will get better for you.

And @CdnCopper , I really feel for you after reading about those experiences you went through. I hope things are getting better over time for you also.
 
Hey there.

Have you talked to your therapist about your frustrations? Or would it be helpful to ask for help in finding a new therapist?

You could probably post a thread asking for coping skills, actually. A lot of us are always looking for new skills to try.

When I'm hypervigilant, I have a very hard time getting coping skills to work. Mostly because I truly believe I'm in danger. That is the same reason why "small" things will trigger large reactions when associated with trauma.

For triggers, dealing with the trauma helps, but that can't be done in one day. Be gentle with yourself and be patient with yourself.

If you try grounding techniques -- ones that put you in the here and now -- such as identifying how many objects of a certain color you can find, or doing a breathing exercise (my favorite is breathing in for five slow seconds (watch a clock, don't rush), holding for two seconds, exhaling for seven).

These won't work as well/as quickly if you are really having to focus on them, from my understanding. For example, if stress is making your brain hallucinate, that in itself is pretty terrifying, or can get that way very quickly. It's the same for believing you are in danger.

If you are in danger, you will want to take steps to feel safe. I have a tiny safe space that works pretty well.

If hallucinations are bothering you, schedule an appointment with your psychiatrist sooner than whatever your next appointment is. They can help you, even if this is temporary and due to stress. It can feed into stress and make it much harder for you, especially since you are not able to simply cope at this time (needing to practice coping skills). It most likely won't always be that way.

You're doing really well, so just be gentle with yourself and be patient. You're going to be okay




Small note: it's not unusual for PTSD triggers to be related to small things that seemingly don't have to do with the real trauma, such as the examples mentioned by others above (ice cubes and gunfire, spin cycles and garage doors). It's also not unusual for something that reminds you of something you hallucinated to bring up stress like that, either. If the things opening in the hallucinations were real to your brain and a source of panic, it could remain stressful to you for some time. Or, they might be both related.

I hope it becomes clearer to you soon, but in the meantime, I hope you can relax :hug::hug:
 
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