I got out!


I am so hlad I came to this gathering of Autistic people
Don't think I can put it all into words just yet.

But had a beautiful moment just now. A non verbal man, communicates by writing down on paper, connecting with him was so beautiful, almost brought me to tears, such a beautiful energy. I will never forget it ❤


Life is beautiful and terrible and everything in between. That's kind of how it's been to be here.

Absolutely incredible to be around people like me, in all our weird, colourful, stimmy, sensitive, kind, occasionally boundary blind ways.

I can't express how much it's meant to me.

It has also been incredibly challenging in some ways too. Hopefully will be able to get my words together better at another time.


Sorry somehow I missed your post @barefoot thank you, and yes is definitely satisfying 🙂

My brain is very butterfly this morning, very ADHD. Anyway I've managed to take my thyroid meds, only got distracted on the way to taking them about a dozen times!

I've now remembered my list and looked at it and started it too. It might take a fair bit of grounding, and constant redirects to get my brain out if the clouds today.

I don't know if I'm especially esaily distracted for any particular reason or not. Maybe after Autscape, I've gotten distracted several times just writing this.

My list is on my phone's home screen, using the Wenote sticky widget. Being on the home screen helps me not totally forget about it.

I love that I can change the colour of the Wenote background to go with my phone. The little traffic light symbol os to remind me to ask where I'm at
~ red for spoon defecit, ie not only no spoons, but a spoon defecit.
~ amber for got some spoons
~ green for spoons a plenty

Today is an Amber day I think.

The Flower, is to remember compassion, to self and others.

Screenshot_20220813-103508_One UI Home.jpg

Drop is Dropping Anchor, and that defo helps bring me into the here and now.
STOPP is the skill my T talked about, and I have already altered it, to make the S stand for Slow Down, which definitely help calm my mind and helps me feel less anxious.

~ STOPP ~ Slow Down
~ Take a Breath
~ Observe - What am I thinking?
What am I reacting to?
What am I feeling in my body?
~ Pull back, Put in some perspective, See the bigger picture, Is this fact or opinion? How sould someone else see this?
~ Practise What works, What's the best thing to do for me, for others, for the situation?

Today will probably continue to be challenging because of my brain being so easily distracted. But I would like to keep trying to redirect it and get a few things done.

Was really glad to get home, after a very hot journey, and my ohone switched itself to nightmode in order to try to cool itself down. It's never done that before, I was a bit anxious it might stop working - and it's my satnav too.

I think I find long journeys more stressful than I used to. Didn't help having a migraine before I set off.

I had a moment of tears last night, feeling sad that I'm not around those lovely people anymore. Brings up the familiar hurt about loneliness.

Got to feel grateful though that I got to be there though. I think I want to continue learning how to redirect myself when I get stuck in that painful place. Kind of gently remind myself I'm going to work towards having friends again. It does help.

One of the people I met, A, had some lovely chats with him, really great, he's funny, and eccentric, and really struggles at times actually, but a lovely person.

It was interesting coming up against my own internal ableism too. When I first got there, I noticed some judgements about the people going on for sure! And as the days went on, those judgements fell down and I just saw wonderful, really individual people.

One woman, at first sight, I thought I would never like someone like that. And yet by the end I asked for her email.

Another woman, I saw her being quite demanding, and felt similarly, that I wouldn't like her. But ended up having fun with her, very charming, very much larger than life. Quite a force of nature actually. I got really upset by her in the end. Will write about it another time.


Got some stuff done despite regular brain absences, including making my first burrito, made enough for dinner tomorrow and froze another 2 dinners worth too. So have actually begun another thing I used to dream about lol! Batch cooking n freezing healthy food. Such a simple thing. Just couldn't do it with Mr, he hogged all the freezer space, he was addicted to buying bargains, refuced meat in particular. Then he'd take it out of the packet, bag it up with no label, and stuff the freezer full of it all. I've only got a small freezer here but it's so much more than I had.


Little bit less butterfly today **finger's crossed**
Been for a walk already, 50 minutes, thought I'd get it done before the day is at its hottest. Was a nice walk but had on the wrong footwear, the toe post on those sandals just won't sit right, it's removed the skin between my toes. Ouch!

Walked to the main park here, t'isn't a patch on my old park, and the river isn't much at all, nowhere to feed the ducks which is a shame. No ducks even. I shall have to keep looking for somewhere to scratch that itch.

I did see outdoor yoga going on tho in amongst the trees which looked so nice, found out it's on every Sunday, at least for a few more weeks, and added myself to the mailing list.

For some time I've wanted to try out yoga, but I think it could be too challenfing for ne because of not being able to balance on my left ankle. I sprained it as a 15 year old and lots of scar tissue grew around it.

I asked her if she thought someone who can't balance on one leg could do yoga, she said eventually. Lol

I think I might be better to start at home.

Also came across a cinema complex with some really nice looking restaurants and cafes, very happy about that, as so far when looking for somewhere nice to go out for a meal I've not found anyth8ng much at all.

Haven't been to cinema in forever either, shall go for the novelty.

Might need to take something to help me concentrate. My mind wanders so much when trying to watch TV, shall take some kind of fidget toy.

I seem to be unusually verbal for me! It feels really good actually.

Got a new larger TV arriving tomorrow, looking forward to trying it out. My current TV is 24 inches and I ccan't really read the text on it. The new one is "smart" or something too. Can't remember what tricks it can do but we'll find out. I know you can cast stuff from your phone to it or something. Can imagine me actually getting use out of that.

Just had a thought. I'm writing all about the mundane little details of my life. And maybe the reason I've not been so verbal about my life for so many years was because I was not much connected to it?


Having a moment of great doubt. Feels like confidence draining away like sand.

So I've been chatting with someone a bit lately, it's been really good. But after Autscape, maybe I've been more me, and I've just had a pang of feeling like that's maybe too much for them. Panicking slightly.

Feel like a mole that's been in the dark forever, vulnerable. I expect it's normal given the circumstances.

Wanted to go for a walk again this morning but it's gonna rain and proper shoes hurt too much where the skin has been removed between my toes. Gonna wait till later, see if there's a dry spell.

Am still fairly butterfly brain, but I've taken my first lot of meds. Been up 3 hours tho and that's all I've done!?! Well apart from getting ready for an aborted walk.

I should eat, I'm hungry.