I got out!



So I don't have to talk about stuff in order or make a story out of it or anything. When I have a snippet to talk about I'll do that.

I've neen under the impression for years now that I'm really old and ugly. No doubt the impression was helped by Mr.

But the young ladies here seem to genuinely think otherwise. Which is a nice surprise.

How bout that.

And I'm losing weight. Can't actually remember if I already said so or not. The other day I noticed my jeans falling down, thought maybe it was only because I forgot my belt but no I think it's not just that. My polka dot dress, (one of em at least) which was too tight just weeks ago fits me just fine again. And my long T shirt dress almost fits too.

I'm eating pretty healthily, not perfect but pretty good. Still having treats too. Not yet really cooking as fully as I used to, am still microwaving quite a bit. But step by step am getting there.

The girl I like has suggested we do something in the week, get out somewhere. Pleased, and anxious both.

Oh yeah, that's another thing. As well as feeling old and ugly, I felt no one would like me. I felt downright toxic actually.

And maybe that feeling will catch up with me here too?

But so far at least, people I come across don't seem to have a problem with me.

It was strange meeting up with an old friend. I've not told her I'm in a refuge, not really said why I've moved. Though I did say I was experiencing abuse a few years ago. Didn't really hear from her much after that.

And she's invited me to go camping with her and my ex...

Which feels so dysfunctional. For years I felt she wasn't contacting me because of dome defect in me. But I'm changing my mind about that.

A few times in recent years it's happened, that my usual feeling sad about being rejected has been replaced - with some surprise on my part - with realising maybe I'm lucky to be rejected by this person actually.


Happy to hear the good news in your life T. And other than the BH lady that has issues that she's had long before you showed up will smooth out as you learn how you want to handle it.

I love that you wear polka dots!!! I don't think in my entire life I have ever had anything with polka dots. And anytime I see a woman wearing something like that, I always smile because I see that woman as happy. As dressing to please herself. Not everyone can get away with polka dots!!!! So yay you T!!!

You just needed a chance to shine T. And you made sure that happened!!! Happy for you all the way around. Heart hugs and rock those polka dots!!!


Thanks ladee

Found out this morning that BH has turned on the young woman. She's also adopted the two new ladies.

Feels like so much drama I don't want to be sucked into.

Think I need to get my head round how to deal with the people here.
Before I got here I told myself it might be really awful, expect the worst, anything else is a bonus.

I'm naturally, or have been in the past, somewhat of a people pleaser / chameleon changing depending who I'm with. And I think that's changed a good deal but I've a fair way to go still.

I suspect I'm going to have a heck of a lot of opportunities to learn about boundaries, and keeping myself to myself.