I got out!

Teasel

Not Active
Thanks @Mee 🙂

I've all sorts of emotions going on.

Pleased that I'm not in that black place, that I had a good sort of day, that I got some helpful stuff done like working on the Behavioural Activation from the IAPT workshop, that I didn't binge, that I stood up for myself a bit.

But also, under the surface, there's bits and pieces of different things like insecurity - part of the pushback for speaking up for myself, also it wonders if I seem a total fool here, for not getting things, being so backwards, not having learned things like standing up for myself. I guess this is inner critic stuff.

A little anxiety too, going down for dinner, there was some ridicule. I don't want months of that sort of thing and feel under qualified to deal with it.

So, swings and roundabouts.
 
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Mee

MyPTSD Pro
Nope - not a fool . When we read other people’s diaries it can be easy to see progress they make or rationalise for them because we aren’t first hand experiencing it so aren’t fighting the triggering experiences.

if it were easy we’d all be here 48 hrs then never type to each other again ;)
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
Maybe I can use dog videos in lieu of having an actual dog. I want to get one one day. I reckon it could be pretty damn amazing for me, and I think I could give ever such a lot of love back.
Do you have Facebook or Instagram? I’m awed buy Bunny the talking dog and check her training progress weekly . I like watching a few of the dogs doing this kind of training - I like seeing their different characters show in word use too. But bunny - she makes me both sad and relieved simultaneously that it’s a route I’ve never been down .
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Maybe things I can say to myself to remember what my goals are? To remember this is temporary? Things I can do to comfort myself?
I find it incredibly hard to remember it's temporary, because it's all consuming. My T says that makes sense when we think about that being a child part and children see things in absolutes.

Is there something you can write down, or draw, so that you can have a visual reminder when it gets tough? Maybe something that reminds you of how strong you are. Of how actively you have been and are being to make life safe and better for you.

And then I think it's practice in saying counter stuff. Like "I am more than this feeling" or "I am more than how this person treats me" or whatever works for you?
 

Teasel

Not Active
Do you have Facebook or Instagram? I’m awed buy Bunny the talking dog

Yes, couldnt find Bunny on fb, found her on YouTube tho. Saw this video this week actually, seems along similar lines.


But bunny - she makes me both sad and relieved simultaneously that it’s a route I’ve never been down .

How come?

Is there something you can write down, or draw, so that you can have a visual reminder when it gets tough? Maybe something that reminds you of how strong you are. Of how actively you have been and are being to make life safe and better for you.

Yes I think I need to set up some such things. One thing I've developed a bit is to hold my own thumbs when I feel I need comforting. It's good in that I always have my thumbs available, and it's pretty unobtrusive. Like no one would know what I was doing.

But I think I need to work on something specific to this.

And then I think it's practice in saying counter stuff. Like "I am more than this feeling" or "I am more than how this person treats me" or whatever works for you?

Yes, I could do something like this too.

Maybe I should gather a list of things to try, then keep notes on what works n what doesn't.

Thanks ladies 🙂
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
Bunny makes me happy because she ( and other dogs and their trainers doing similar work) is revealing things many who have studied behaviour and ethics have theorised but not been able to demonstrate before. For example - bunny has identified her self in a mirror . Sad because it hurts sometimes- She understands ‘dog’ ‘cat’ ‘human’ but struggles with understanding a human concept that humans are somehow different from other animals- her very communication is revealing some of the flaws in this arbitrary boundary some people impose. I understand its become a trend to compare oneself with bunny having an existential crisis - but I find it really incredible that this dog is managing to communicate some of this in HUMAN language- And human people still think that animals have intelligence we rank in childhood human years . When I communicate in tail wags, ear movement , canine body language and pheromones as effectively as a juvenile dog maybe I’d be more willing to accept the comparison to young children - but this dog is exceeding many adults in her questions. Her questions about family. Her pondering on her species . Her desire to befriend the family cat …. It’s both beautiful and painful. Bunny is a dear person .

I love looking at the difference between her and the other a little dog called Bastian who is driven and energetic, and waffles , who is emphatic, and says everything several times - And a dear dog whose name escapes me right now - who takes care of her ‘non talking’ Doberman friend - telling their owners when the dobe needs to go potty etc. She and Bunny really are - incredible people. I guess I look in at maybe half a dozen or so of these dogs regularly.

I want to know what my dogs would tell me. I wonder how much would hurt. Where I let them down.

we have a bell on the external doors for the girl to tell us when she wants out but she rings it for attention too - I wonder what she would tell us if she had a vocabulary.

I really feel my own limitations here. I can’t imagine how I would shape and train some of the more complex words others have managed. ‘Mad’. ‘Love’. Even cueing a word for ‘settle’ that Bunny has feels like shaping it would be counterintuitive how I would attempt it. :/. So it’s also painful because I guess it reveals my flaws and my limited thinking .
 

Teasel

Not Active
Right OK, well I can really understand that then. I remember once watching a documentary about feral cats. It was an incredibly beautiful, really touching film. It showed all about the wonderful family and communal life they lived. Which we humans steal from them actually.

I was talking to a friend abouthow one day I want a dog, and that I was worried about being too introvert to keep a dog happy, they seem so social. She said I shouldn't worry but I do.

I saw another documentary which showed owners video of their dogs when they went out to work, it was heartbreaking.

Anyeay, I shall watch those videos, they sound amazing. Which are the other dogs you follow? You mentioned bunny and Bastian.

Going off to Lidl to get supplies
 
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Mee

MyPTSD Pro
These are the Instagram accounts of the dogs I like best-

whataboutbunny ( bunny)
Meesa_mila ( the dog with the non talking Doberman friend)
I think Stella’s account is ‘thirst for words’ ( her trainer started this line of work)
Bastianthetalkingterrier
i cannot think of waffles account name right now but his energy is unmistakable when you find him on a search 😂
 
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