I got out!

Teasel

Not Active
One of the tasks in front of me is learning to deal with my feelings about my art in the art class. Feelings of disappointment. Feelings of frustration, that get in the way of me doing. Not liking what I produce. Fearing I'm not very good. Feeling disheartened. Disappointed 😞

All that.

Had a chat with an artist I know about me possibly doing a longer college course. She went back yo art in her 40's, did a foundation course, got a distinction and has already had a piece accepted at the Royal Acadamy Summer Exhibition. Her work is amazing.

Was really nice of her to call me and talk, gave me good advice for what to look for how to prepare too. She even said I'm good enough.

And yet I'm doubting myself, not feeling good enough. Bit upset about having all these bloody feelings.

Bit miffed that I still clearly need to be good.
 

AnD

MyPTSD Pro
I am here listening.
Would you like some advice and thoughts or more emotional support?

Your feelings are recognizable and understandable.

What if is triggering to enjoy what you do without an end goal? It is only valid if someone outside of you recognize your talent. Like the abuse, you are made to obey and be useful. Not being ok having lust for life and follow your heart without a set path
 

Teasel

Not Active
Thanks @AnD No, it's more my being disappointed in what I did rather than anyone else's reaction.

I don't think it's triggering for me to enjoy making arr.

Feels a bit like performance anxiety though maybe.

When I'm around other people, I'm often not there.

Often seems I like the art I make at home on my own. But not what I make in a class.

Which might make going to college a problem.
 

Teasel

Not Active
I suppose too it's the thing of actually stepping outside my "comfort" zone.

Increasingly in the past 2 decades my life contracted down to being teeny tiny. And now I'm trying to change that, everything is new and scary.

Which is great actually innit :)

Sunny day here, will go for a walk, see how far I get.

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Got to draw more self portraits for homework again this week too.

I only did 2 last week. The first looked a bit like me but old. The second looked like me and was really good. Often times I don't do any art for a while after doing something good. But I want to get over that.
 
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