I got out!

joeylittle

Administrator
I just asked Mr (messaging) why does he think I always have a bad spell after a good time.
I'm wondering, is this the first communication you've had since you left? (Forgive me if you've written about this and I missed it).

And, do you think connecting with him is helpful, harmful, or neutral for you, with where you're at right now?

One observation, but I'm not sure it applies, here...My therapist is quite big on being cautious with "why"-type questions, because the answers tend to reinforce the problem, instead of pointing towards future change. I think you noticing that you tend to dip after having a lift is a great observation. And I'm not sure the "why" of it is as useful as doing some planning around how you might interrupt that dip, the next time there's something good (because now, you can anticipate that there might be a dip afterwards).

It's one of those situations where thinking about it won't do much of anything - but having an action plan (and using it) will probably help a lot.
 

Teasel

Not Active
I'm wondering, is this the first communication you've had since you left? (Forgive me if you've written about this and I missed it).
No
And, do you think connecting with him is helpful, harmful, or neutral for you, with where you're at right now?
Helpful
It's one of those situations where thinking about it won't do much of anything - but having an action plan (and using it) will probably help a lot.
Thanks. I don't know what that looks like. For me trying to interrupt the dip results in fightback and a much longer dip. What kinds of things do you think would help?
 

joeylittle

Administrator
What kinds of things do you think would help?
Well - I'm (lately) into trying to turn to behaviors, actions. Doing instead of thinking. So, recently I had a pretty productive day - it was actually leaps and bounds away from where I've been hovering, lately - and at the end of that pretty productive day, I was actually feeling fairly good. The next day, I was absolutely exhausted physically and pretty flatlined mentally. It makes sense that I was tired - but telling myself that it made sense didn't help, I still felt tired. And that connected to feeling emotionally low, like I was getting proof that I don't have it in me to create lasting change (something like that).

It took another day for me to tip back to a more neutral state.

BUT - now that I know this is quite likely to happen, the day after I have a day where I achieve my activity goals - I'm going to see if I can shape my response to be different, through some crafty planning. For me that'll be - I'll time a big day so that the next morning, it's OK if I grab a couple extra hours of sleep. AND, the end of that 'big' day, I'll be sure to set up my morning needs - kind of line up my coffee stuff, pick out clothes, and write out a schedule for the morning that includes getting some physical activity - because it'll hurt, but it'll feel good after, and I know this now. Finally, I know what the thoughts are going to be - "see, you're exhausted, what a slug you are", etc. - so I'm going to do the thing that helps me stop/redirect thoughts, and that's have a playlist set up and sing along while I get myself going. I'll sing to myself, to the cats....to the coffee....I know it'll fill my mind, and that's really all I need it to do.

That's a personal example...not sure if I'm explaining it very well. But it just involves identifying the elements of the dip - thoughts, feelings, physical responses - and planning an action that you know will point you in a different direction.
 

Teasel

Not Active
Thanks it makes perfect sense, but it isn’t”t the kind of pushback I get. I’m not talking about being tired after exertion, and I don’t just mean physical exertion.

I’m talking about something that is more like self sabotage or fear of success / not being able to keep up doing well.

A strong example for me lately would be attempting to control how much I eat resulting in bingeing. Or doing a really good bit of art resulting in my not doing any art for some time.

I really don’t know how to deal with it.
 

Teasel

Not Active
Doing the IAPT stress management zoom. Today amongst other things they talked about negative automatic thoughts which is not a new concept to me. But with my self savotage / fear of success on the brain I realised them saying that you can't stop or repress negative automatic thoughts, certainly not long term anyway. The more you push them down the more they pop up.

That's how it feels for me dealing with the self sabotage. Kind of complulsive.

For many many years I realised that the quickest way to get over the self sabotage was to let it run it's course.

Obviously I would like to come to a better way of dealing with this butanyway.

Wanted to note my thoughts.

In the IAPT zoom I asked for any tips for dealing with this. Someone said something about noticing the thoughts that occur before the self sabotage.

I know I've tried that before. And can't say I've gotten anywhere especially.

As soon as I notice I'm doing well, in an instant, things change, and fairly proportionally to how well things were going.

Sometimes I've noticed a feeling of fear.

But basically they said wait till the end of the course and then ask someone in a one to one assessment.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
As soon as I notice I'm doing well, in an instant, things change, and fairly proportionally to how well things were going.
That's when (I'm suggesting) you immediately shift to an action - to doing something you've planned for, a behavior/action that you know can be a positive for you instead of a negative.

You won't feel like doing it - but if you can commit to making that one choice, doing that specific thing you planned to do - it will interfere with the urge to do the self-sabotage.

It'll also (hopefully) be something that will help move your focus away from those negative automatic focus - and moving your focus away from them is not the same as shoving them down, that's why this can be an effective strategy. It's also not the same as trying to "think different thoughts", which is often (I'm learning) not that effective, when dealing with automatic behaviors.
 

barefoot

Sponsor
Not feeling my best self right now, and finding it difficult keeping up with all the posts....but didn't want to look like I'm not reading along or caring! You are thinking through some big stuff. Sending you support, even though I'm a bit useless at the moment!
 

Teasel

Not Active
Had a very full and good 48 hours. And today am so happy. Too excited to sleep even.

I made my art class, and managed half the self portraits and was ridiculously proud of myself for that because it seemed such a monumental task.

Had nice chats in class, and with the new woman who's moved in too.

After the past few weeks of fear and rejection it was so bloody nice.

So, I'm gonna enjoy feeling nice while it lasts. But I know things eill switch soon enough and I'd like to try doing something that will help me not have the lows so much.

I still don't really know what to do. And I feel I must be stupid for not knowing but I don't.

I guess that trying to carry on regardless is not what im looking for as that is what I've tried a million times.

So, what kind of thing do I do?

Mental health tools?
Dropping anchor, grounding, deep breathing etc

Mindfulness stuff?

Distraction? Dancing, comedy, music

Self soothing- metta, holding my thumbs, depp breathing

Do something silly?

Do something that makes me feel good?

Occurred to me yesterday, that when I meditate and practise metta, I could hold my thumbs, strengthen the comforting association.

You won't feel like doing it - but if you can commit to making that one choice, doing that specific thing you planned to do - it will interfere with the urge to do the self-sabotage.

It'll also (hopefully) be something that will help move your focus away from those negative automatic focus - and moving your focus away from them is not the same as shoving them down, that's why this can be an effective strategy. It's also not the same as trying to "think different thoughts", which is often (I'm learning) not that effective, when dealing with automatic behaviors.
Are the things I listed the right kind of things?
 
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