I got out!

Teasel

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Thanks ever so much @Movingforward10 so good actually just to have someone bounce ideas around. Occurred to me maybe I could ask J too, I might try that.

Talking things through with a friend - something I've missed such a lot.

Look forward yo not having to miss it anymore :)

Having just sold my car online: highly stressful. E is selling some bits and bobs on line (a tent, blinds etc). The amount of people you have to navigate is a lot. People don't show up. So it takes a lot of time. If you can manage that, then that's great. For me: I wouldn't sell a car online again and E hasn't had success with most of her items.

Yes I've got the impression facebook marketplace can be really stressful - like maybe good if youre only selling a few bits, and at least you don't have to parcel up n post things but at the same time, having to wait for people, especially if they don't show up... yeah, I know you were finding it really stressful, and I think I might too.

Do you want to keep your stuff?
Might be nice to have all your things when you get your own place?

I'm defo keep quite a bit of it, all the things I use. But I do want to downsize. I mean for a few months before leaving I would have a sort out and donate to charity / throw away things I didn't want anymore. But some of the things I'm thinking are too good and maybe I would be throwing money away.

I guess I could balance things up and just try to sell the pricier items, that way I'm not throwing away as much, and yet not giving myself too much stress.

Can citizens advice help with financial advice? Or like you say the manager at the refuge must be able to help with that?

Thanks, yeah it's slightly different kind of advice I think, as in what to do with an inheritance - should I treat myself to a holiday or other big purchase? I am already thinkung I'd like to go back to education if I can manage it, and obviously soon would be good as I can pay for it.

I don't know what people udually do with an inheritanxe. I mean probably they don't usually have to fritter away a large amount of it on a refuge and living expenses but I choose to see it from the point of view that this money has enabled me to get away.

I sold the car on Facebook on their marketplace. I had put adverts up in the more obvious selling places, but they didn't work. And they sell everything on Facebook. So that could be worth a try?
Ah right! Am a bit surprised you had no luck with the usual places but I guess things change isn't it.

Well I guess I've come to part of a decision in that I'm not going to try to sell everything that's sellable at least, just pricier items, so, that's progress hey.

Got lots of sorting done today. Feels really good. Plenty more to do.

I should look into prices of storage units near the refuge.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Sounds like a really productive day.

should I treat myself to a holiday or other big purchase? I am already thinkung I'd like to go back to education if I can manage it, and obviously soon would be good as I can pay for it.
All those ideas sound great. Can you do a combination of them?

I don't know what people udually do with an inheritanxe
No idea either! But sounds like you have great ideas that would work for you.
 

Teasel

Not Active
So just now there might be a hint of push back. And so maybe I should do something. I don't really know what to do. Any usually when there's pushback it last several days and I don't quite know what kind of thing will prevent days of pushback.

So am aware of these thoughts increasing how sad I feel and that isn't what I'm after.

So something that will occupy my mind.

I'll start a list of things and see which help n which don't.
 

Teasel

Not Active
Today was really difficult, really stressful. I can do better at managing that before things get to that level.

Current mood bit sad & lonely.

Listened to podcast on the way home about autistic people, specifically those lower on the scale. This woman talked of a lifetime never fitting in, trying to figure out how to be likeable and getting it wrong and losing herself in the process. Of the diagnosis lifting a lifetime of shame around being different / unacceptable.

I'm really sad that my life has been like that. I wonder if I will ever have friends again.

Interesting thinking on some test I did recently. Forget the name of it, initials, something about how bad it was for you as a kid, a scale. And there was another scale for resiliency. The resiliency score was made up of how many sources of social support you had as a kid.

We praise people for their resiliency, being able to manage, see it as something good about them and their qualities, their personality. It sounds like they developed that from sources of support as a kid?

And the ones that don't have that? Feels like they are viewed as being at fault.

~~~~

On the plus side I got more done this weekend towards sorting stuff out than I've managed before.

The various medications do seem to be
 
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Teasel

Not Active
Looking at my fitbit results ~ treated myself to the fitbit luxe for my 50th, it gives a stress management score. A higher number means you are less stressed.

This past week, from Wednesday for 4 days ish, I was really quite happy, and I notice it says I was markedly more stressed those days.

It did feel a manic, my happiness. Slept less well too and for shorter.

The stress management thing - gives 3 scores,
Responsiveness - fight or flight stuff
Exertion balance - right amount of exercise
Sleep patterns - quantity n quality of sleep

I score much better on the 2nd 2 than responsiveness which is always the lowest score for me.

It will be interesting to see if I can improve that.

I want to put into practise the stuff I'm learning on the IAPT stress management course.

Defo need to do something nice for me today. Mini meltdown yesterday.

I think I'll go meditate in the local Church. And beforehand walk a long the tree lined path. It feels good there, is beautiful, and there's almost always people walking their dogs.

Maybe I'll dance around my room too, play some music at least.

And explore a couple places to draw outside.

Posted in a local group on Facebook asking for places that have a good view for me to draw. Be nice to check some of them out.

Got an appointment this morning for therapy with MIND.

Got to sleep a bit earlier last night so woke nice and early today. Always happier if I wake earlier (and slept ok).

Ok so just checked the Mind support group in person is running today. I've never been to it but I could got for a short while before my assessment. The group and the assessment are in different towns but I think I could go for a short while.
 

Teasel

Not Active
The tree lined walk, including the stick recently left by a reluctant dog :)

20211019_135701.jpg
 

Teasel

Not Active
I ache so much. Had a full day again, mostly good.

This morning went to check out the Mind support group, was pleased, I liked it well enough, and there was a lady I really quite liked chatting to as well.

Had to leave early for the assessment for MIND therapy, which annoyingly was a phone call only. I had been told it was an in person assessment so I drove back here last night in the dark and rain to be here for it and it was a mistake.

Still.

Had lunch in an italian cafe, meatballs al sugo, very nice too. Got a phone call that raised the stress levels a bit but ok, coped.

Then drove to one of the places suggested as being somewhere with a nice view - hill nearby, the view is nice, not really something I want to sketch, but nice to see it. Actually a couple spots on the way there looked more like something I'd like to sketch but will have to figure out if I can park anywhere.

On the way back also, drove past a pretty building with sheep grazing and people walking around. So asked someone what it was and decided to pay a visit. Was an old abbey, very pretty, ticks the boxes for stress relief for me a goodun :)

Ache so much now tho!

Happened too last week, with having full days my body ached so much at the end if the day.

Figure though it's really good. It must be over 18 months since I had energy levels that permitted a full day. I mist have lost so much muscle tone in that time. So aching means I'm building muscle again hey.
 

Teasel

Not Active
Noticing a real reluctance to make breakfast. Even though I’m hungry. And thinking about it yesterday I had every meal out / takeout too. So although it was a full day, the food situation, umm, I don’t know if that’s a bit of feeling pushback, or is understandable given I’ve been having full for me days, and maybe I’m spending spoons on activities instead of cooking.

I kind of don’t like trying to talk about this here and yet I’m going to. Dislike as in feeling vulnerable about not understanding this self sabotage thing. Feeling like others view me / it as stupid. Fearful that I am being stupid.

defensive.

It felt for the last year or 2 like I could only manage a couple positive days before switching to undoing my good habits, but I’ve had a mostly positive, mostly full, functioning week. Maybe I just need some rest?

Actually in the past week I did feel a bit like this too, and so decided to do something nice for me, stress relieving, but still did a little of the practical stuff I needed to do too. And that got me through.

Yesterday was like that too though, getting things done and treating myself to a visit to the abbey.

I don’t understand why I’m so reluctant to making breakfast.

Ok so one thing is the other residents have left their mess all over the place including all over the oven. Oh and I’m still not much keen to spend time with them though am no longer scared and things are now civil.

Holding my thumb, makes me wanna cry.
 
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