I got out!

[Teasel]

Thanks @ladee @Lumos @elephant I can imagine they felt similar, does me good to be around people like me. Looking like I'm going to have to learn to deal with my borderline terror of feeling socially awkward! I'm sure I can work on it. Especially as Autism prolly has a fair bit to do with the awkward silences on their part too.

And thanks @elephant Good to know it's not just me!

Signed up today for an autistic conference, what the hell lol.

Recent slight obsession (am always researching something or other - is a pain sometimes, but the plus side is it defo takes my mind of depression and SI) is finding out more about my mild Rosacea, how to look after it better - GP just gave me topical antibiotics - also looking into better makeup to cover it up too.

Life is better for me when there is something I'm interested in. Can go too far though for sure. Prefer it over emotional pain though eh.

 

[Teasel]

Had a fall, hurt my back. Had a ticket to a fav band for tonight, but can't stand long enough to go to a gig that's for sure.

Very low again. Feel stuck, can't go forward, can't go back. So tired. Various more rejections for flats. Due to go see one tomorrow but can't see the point low as I am, it will take up all my spoons and I'll just be rejected again.

I don't want to live my life. I want someone else's.

I am safe though.

 

[StillPen]

I'm sorry you're hurt and missing the gig, T. Maybe some rest will help tomorrow look a little brighter. Here with you.

 

[ladee]

Really sorry to hear you hurt your back and you are missing having some fun. Music is such a good outlet.

It's hard not to take the flat search personal when you don't get it. But you are already depressed so that just sounds like par for the course. I just feel the right one hasn't been found yet.

Whose life would you like to have T? I'm interested in your answer.

Hope you take care of that back. Hope you have something for pain. Tender hugs.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks both, will go to sleep now, glad the day is over.

The thing that keeps gutting me is lack of friends & family & seeming inability to make friends. It's apparently not unusual for autistics.

So, someone who has friends & family, love, and people to love. Some functioning would be good too.

 

[Lumos]

Sending you hugs and healing vibes @Teasel

Really sorry things are bad right now. I can relate about the lack of friends and family. It makes life so much harder

 

[Teasel]

Thanks @Lumos Back atcha too

 

[Wendell_R]

Hugs, Teasel. I know that it's hard.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks @Wendell_R Best to you, for the littles

 

[Teasel]

I don't know what to do. Frightened and I don't know what to do.

 

[StillPen]

I don't know what to do. Frightened and I don't know what to do.

T are you in a safe place? If your mind is frightened, can you write about it or do some grounding? Maybe Tea? I am sitting here with you if you need to talk, and sitting quietly if you can't talk and just need a friend.

 

[Teasel]

Thank you @StillPen I am safe as in there is no danger of harm to me. I'm not triggered, I'm frightened about living with support needs I don't know how to meet with having no friends or family. Ie being autistic, in burnout, with adhd and complex ptsd and there being no support for people with autism. I don't know how I will find a home in a system really prejudiced against people without a job. And even if I find a home, it will only be guaranteed for a year. Keep going round in circles.

Thanks for your kindness! Sorry I'm low.