I got out!

StillPen

MyPTSD Pro
You do not have to apologize for being low. This is your diary and it is here for you to express how you feel with no judgment from others, including me.

I can only imagine what you are going through. Each step you take to get your own place and the effort it takes for you to reach out to make friends is just so impressive to me, you have so much courage!

I know you are low and scared right now, but these emotions will pass. Until they do, know that I care.

The system does need to change, I agree.
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you @StillPen @Wendell_R @Movingforward10 thanks so much 🤍 and for hearing me.

Didn't help yesterday that I couldn't hardly move. Slightest movement and my back was agony. It feels easier today, if I hold myself up tall I can move a bit, is a relief

Went through my mind that I'm just stewing in it - feeling frightened I mean. And partly that's the inner critic, not a v compassionate voice. But there's something in it too.

I don't know. It's true no feeling lasts forever. Thankfully. I do keep finding myself so scared though. Keep coming back to a kind of terror bout the future.

On a self care note, the research I did into my rosacea,
Type 1✔ Erythematotelangiectatic
Redness, broken vessels, has already paid off loads. Quite a shock looking in the mirror today, my skin looks so nice. The very much gentler skin care routine and skin barrier repairing moisturiser have made an enormous difference. My rosacea is the best it's been for years. The colour correcting foundation is amazing too, and I hardly need any of it with my skin so good.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Glad to hear your skin is looking better. Something on our face makes us very self conscious.

And thinking about you taking the steps to clear up your face is so telling about your recovery T. You DO make progress. It's so hard to see that sometimes. One of the many reasons peer support helps. Others can see a change before we do sometimes.

If you look at the bigger picture (your life up until now) doesn't it make a lot of sense to be afraid?? You have the hearts desire to live on your own. It is going to happen. But maybe there are some things you need to learn before that happens.

Glad you recognized the inner critic. Because that ugly voice never tells us anything good about ourselves. Only the things that seem to stand in our way. Do you think you could make a list of things that are good about you? Even if you don't quite believe it 100% yet?

One thing you never give yourself credit for is your amazing courage. Or look at and own the fears you HAVE faced. Just a suggestion. You know what you need more than I or anyone else does. So, take what might apply and leave the rest.

If you could see you how we see you, you would have more faith in yourself to do what needs to be done. I even see growth in you allowing us to compliment you. You are showing us how to help you.

Every time you post something to me, it helps me. You see that I can do what I need to do no matter how bad it hurts. And that helps me. Even if I don't believe it 100%.

If you want feedback or suggestions, ask us. Different people follow you so you would have a lot of different choices to think about what applies to you.

Because regardless of what our labels are, we are all humans first. And humans get scared. But when you take the time to break it down you always find that you are still doing something to change your situation. It's ok to get impatient that it isn't happening as you would like it to.

Ok, I'll stop. Who wants to read a word wall!!!! Sorry about that, again.

Really hope your back feels better each day. I have chronic back pain and if not for meds, well, I don't want to think about the limitations I would have.

So take your shiny face and be good to yourself today. Give your back a chance to heal. There is A LOT right with you T. Hope you can come up with a list of things to look at that is right with you when you look at yourself in that negative light.

Gentle hugs and a bucket of love to dip into when you need it.
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
Aww, lovely @ladee Thank you!

I even see growth in you allowing us to compliment you.
And this properly made me laugh 😂

Heehee 😉

Thanks so much most of all for the caring. It is such a balm and I love it.

Was able to be out of the house for an hour or so. Was mostly in the car so no straining my back. But I did manage a short stroll around.

It's a good deal less painful than it was, am very grateful indeed, it's been agony to move at all. Ain't it amazing how the body heals.

Thanks everyone for being so lovely 🥰
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
Yesterday I thought 'what can I do to reclaim this time period', and remembered this time last year I sent myself some flowers. Thinking about doing that cheered me up. I got to change my narrative. Come at it from a different angle.
Love this. And I know it works too, changing your perspective can absolutely reduce suffering.

Perhaps meditating again would help. I know it helps me take a step back.
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
Got myself a Kalimba and some marracas ha. Look he's bear shaped, how cute. Been learning my first song, Sound of silence, Simon & Garfunkel.
Satisfies the need for stim, sounds pretty too :)

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