Death I got past my fears and did something I wanted to do ever since my dad died

The_One

Learning
My dad died when I was 14 from a major MI. It affected me deeply, I started getting anxiety. Idk if I had it before but his death reallt made it so noticeable. Being so close to death and seeing death especially with my dad made me so traumatized to even think about my own death and possibility that I might die like he could.
I started having hypochondria thinking I am having a heart attack and I will die just like he did. For years I had super bad hypochondria. It didn’t stop until I got on antidepressants. If I go down on dose my ocd urges come back (checking my heart rate and o2 levels)

As I got older I learned to deal with it, these past couple of years I had to go on antidepressants because life was getting harder and anxiety was getting worse. I also started therapy. It’s been helping.

For the past 3 or so years I was thinking of visiting a cardiologist or atleast getting a risk assessment done at a women’s cardiology center. I always made the appointment but when I did I’d cancel because my fear and anxiety would get in the way (what if they find something that turns my world upside down) types of thoughts. I knew I needed to do it. I knew if I did I’d possibly feel better afterwards and I would learn more about heart conditions and what I might have to face as I get older. I knew my older self would thank me for taking this step. It was important for me this time and I told myself I’m not canceling and I’m going,

I finally did it this past week. I went to a women’s heart health screening at a hospital.
I got an ABI, EKG, a few other tests and my Lpa and CPR proteins checked.

Everything was normal, my lpa (which is mostly genetic and really is bad to have) is normal. Besides my BMI which I know I need to work on. I was so shocked. I was thinking since heart disease is so prevalent on both sides of my family in the men. I would have a high lpa. But I don’t.
I’ve been on statins so all my cholesterol levels were good. I was thinking that since I’m a woman maybe that might help me but I’m not god and I don’t know what genetics can or can’t do .

I really don’t have anything to worry about ,I can wait to see a cardiologist if I want. I don’t have to go instantly. I can go at 35-40 if I want instead of going at 30 (I’m 28)

And I haven’t felt this good in ages. I feel like a cage has been lifted off me. I don’t feel cursed or doomed. I feel hopeful for my future…for the first time in a long time. I can look forward to having control of my health and not some dangerous genetic factor (lpa) to go against me. And now that I know I’m on statins and it’s been helping me keep my numbers down even more I feel so much better.

I’m so glad I did this. ….. I’m so glad. :’)
 
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