I Hate My Sister Because She Is The Golden Child And I Am The Black Sheep

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
Ugh. Yes, there I said it. I hate my sister because she is the Golden child and I am the black sheep.

I am SO tired of walking on eggshells around her.

One day when we were kids, it was like a switch flipped. One day she liked me, the next day she hated me. And she’s hated me ever since.

Most every time I’d bring up anything regarding my issues with my sister, both of my parents would scream at me and tell me it was all in my head. Their defense of her was over the top. Like over the top of Mt Everest! This would happen even when I’d bring up my sister and I didn’t have an issue with her. It was mind numbing f*ckery.

It hasn’t been until recently that my mom stopped screaming at me when the topic of my sister came up. I know it’s because my mom has been hurt by my sister treating her like crap. Maybe she finally realized I wasn’t completely full of shit when I’d say “my sister hates me”.

My sister has never thanked me or my mom for all that we do for my nephew. I called her out on it, but in a civil way, saying how much we did for him but we never even got a thank you. She told me I was being emotionally abusive by trying to guilt her. Uhm ok. I guess she felt entitled to bad behavior and never having anyone say hey that’s not cool. I really don’t appreciate her telling me I’m emotionally abusive for daring to say it hurt to not get a simple “thank you”!

I won’t ever see my nephew again and I realize I have to be ok with that. He’s so young that he likely won’t remember me. It’s a sad price to pay, but I’ve gone so many years doubting the reality between me and my sister....me knowing how things changed in an instant so many years ago, but doubting EVERYTHING I knew and experienced simply because my parents screamed at me and told me I was “crazy” and “wrong”.
 

FauxLiz

Sponsor
@EveHarrington I am sorry that you have been treated this way. I also think that I have a good understanding of how it feels as in a family of six kids I have been the black sheep my entire life. It is hard and for me, I am slowly stepping back from all of my family. Once my father passes (he's 82) I am done with all of them. I have tried for 27 years to maintain relationships for my children's sake but they are both old enough now to decide if they want to continue those relationships whether I do or not and I am moving toward no contact with them.

I know it hurts, I have nieces and nephews that I won't be a part of their lives unless they seek me out when they are older but I can't continue to be in the wrong simply because I exist.
 

PreciousChild

MyPTSD Pro
I think this is very tricky. I am the black sheep and have two siblings who are the golden child and the baby, respectively. I grew up getting singled out for abuse by my parents, and things were made worse as I got older by my siblings adopting the attitude of "she's the bad/crazy one" from the family dynamics and treating me in kind. One of my siblings in particular treated my like I was a pariah of the village - I couldn't even go to his basketball games because he said I would hex it. He projected all of his ugly, bad feelings that he developed from our sadistic father onto me. My siblings and I were all united in the truth that I was the worse being on earth and worthy of everyone's blame and hate. It would feel bad and I would get explosive when I was feeling particularly oppressed. But though I got the short end of the stick ostensibly, I honestly don't know who is better off as a grown up. I think we would all admit that whether you were the golden child or the scapegoat, we were both victims. But unfortunately, the dynamics now and has included the fact that my brother continues to victimize me, which makes it hard to be around him. One thing I have going is that I had to admit I was broken and sought help. He never did, and so whereas I've spent decades healing from our past, he has stayed in the same place, which isn't good. It comes out in his overeating and neurosis, though generally he has a good life. I feel strongly that for him to admit that I'm okay would mean that he would have to admit that all those bad, ugly feelings he projected on to me were feelings about himself. I honestly don't think people are capable of doing that without therapy. So I just try to continue to heal and not let him define me. I think he notices how much I've changed, and I think he realizes that his words and treatment don't have the power over me as it once did. That's made him less likely to project his stuff onto me. I think part of scapegoating is feeling powerful when the other squirms and gets upset. He can then walk away feeling triumphant and affirmed that you are after all, the bad one. I don't know that the relationship will ever be perfect, but I do know that I am increasingly less bothered by his treatment. We all spend time together, and I am super close to one of the siblings' kids, and am loved by the other set of nephews. I did think for a time that I would have to cut off relations with the whole bunch and I was willing to do it and take my son with me, but in retrospect that was as much about my own insecurities as they were about real disrespect by my siblings. I'm glad we have all stayed connected.
 
Ugh. Yes, there I said it. I hate my sister because she is the Golden child and I am the black sheep.


I won’t ever see my nephew again and I realize I have to be ok with that. He’s so young that he likely won’t remember me. It’s a sad price to pay, but I’ve gone so many years doubting the reality between me and my sister....me knowing how things changed in an instant so many years ago, but doubting EVERYTHING I knew and experienced simply because my parents screamed at me and told me I was “crazy” and “wrong”.
Just yesterday I screamed in the mirror that I hate my sister. Felt good to see the expression that materialized on my face while I screamed it. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, I also am not going to know my nieces as they grow.
 
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