I hate the holidays

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Punky143

MyPTSD Pro
The holidays have become dominated by retailers who feed into our culture of never having enough. Xmas crap was in the stores before Thanksgiving day. And why the hell do we need one day a year to buy things we can't afford when we already have too much? What happened to simplicity and working hard for your money? Furthermore, I will put it out there that some recipients of the welfare system truly do deserve it but we as a society have catered to those who feel entitled and make poor decisions that we absorb. Why? Why do so many kids need help during the Xmas season? I'm not talking about the ones who rightfully receive it and need it. It's sad. Sad that we do it to ourselves.
Perhaps I'm loosing my mind but the western society took a turn somewhere and got greedy. I'm still young and have a lot of life to live but how the hell am I going to do it. Nothing makes sense. Some people just don't give a crap as they drive aggressively, cut in line etc and I have to believe they don't give a [email protected]$#.
I hate this time of year because trying to plan a day to get together for Xmas is near impossible without getting the short end of the stick. Never have my family ever catered to my family's schedule. Yes, I have spoken up but there's always an excuse for someone. I've been married for 16 years and both my brother and sister are now divorced yet everyone caters to the new boyfriend/girlfriend. Am I crazy to be annoyed? So it's looking like yet again I'm making two separate trips to the same place, 4 hours on the road so it's convenient for everyone else. I'm highly thinking of staying home and spending time with my family. Yes I'm grateful for having extended family but I'm not sure of when they all became self centered and selfish.
And everything else that goes on in my life added to that.
 

Friday

Moderator
I'm highly thinking of staying home and spending time with my family. Yes I'm grateful for having extended family but I'm not sure of when they all became self centered and selfish.
And everything else that goes on in my life added to that.
I think a lot is simply what one makes of it.

I grew up with my nuclear family usually several continents away from my extended family (military / diplomatic)... so, as a kid, that was MY idea of the holidays. Just my immediate family with palm trees & bougainvillea, or ice skating & hot chocolate, or whatever the local thing was (we were usually in the desert or jungle, but occasionally somewhere cold)... and then the HUGE ultra formal parties (and sneaking off to make mischief somewhere)... and readily moving days when the key people weren’t available (deployed, or whatever).

So I HATED once we relocated near immediate family :wtf: It wasn’t “right”. Even worse was once I had kids near my immediate family (Who are, all of them, absolutely lovely) AND my then husband’s family (who are not). We tried a couple years of the split family craziness... and then I say “f*ck. That. Noise.” And changed the calendar. So that OUR holidays were when/how/where I wanted them, and the extended family stuff came (usually) later, and took a 2nd seat to whatever we had on. :sneaky:

Our stuff? Trumped their stuff. Always. From that point on, anyways. And we had a reeeeeeally good time. Which made attending their stuff, fun again. Because it wasn’t a choice of either/or. It was, we did what we wanted, how we wanted, when we wanted.
 

Tornadic Thoughts

MyPTSD Pro
You aren't losing your mind. It's over consumption from hell, and then some. Making folks feel guilty in many ways and casually calling it "tradition", or pretending it's some specific deity's born day and telling you you're going to go to hell if you don't beLIEve, and making you feel like there's yet another old white man you have to fear because he's always watching. How creepy, ay? It's pretty comical once you step outside the proverbial box.

Make it what you want it to be. Screw the expectations of others. Once I finally did that, it felt a helluva lot lighter, although it still annoys me as it's pretty much inescapable. I refer to it as being the hellidays, because it makes for hellish scenes trying to navigate the masses anywhere out in public, as well as trying to enjoy the internet, the tv, or the radio while in the comfort of your own damn home until it's all over. It began in our 'hood well before helloween this year. Helliday overdose, for sure.
 

Fahrenheit451

Confident
I hate Christmas too. But I’m hoping that one day I can enjoy this season again. I’m hoping that one day I’ll stop having flashbacks of dead people with family and presents in the background. I’m hoping I’ll stop seeing people I’ve extricated from cars as they’ve bled out knowing Christmas was in a couple of days. And I’m hoping that one day I can look at a Christmas gift again without seeing the little girl that died while I worked on her just 3 weeks before Christmas. Because if I don’t have hope I know I won’t be here to see another one.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I'm grateful for having extended family but

Can you change it to, "grateful and " (we have such-and-such plans, etc. (as Friday suggested) )?

I am sorry @Fahrenheit451 . :(

I think here's the thing, would you do anything differently if you knew this was your last Christmas to celebrate? Or the last one for someone you love? (And if you did know that, it would be very difficult in other ways, too).

So if you/ we don't know that, are perhaps not weighed-on by that reality, or even if we are, and/ or have any means to celebrate it (in whatever way we chose and can) because we have any health, or any family, or any resources, for ourselves and others, seems that's the only choice we have is to chose to try (or not) to make a memory or a small difference, to be present, to show up. Or just miss the opportunity. But ptsd isn't likely to go away in time for next year.

I was thinking about how Christmas had been an awful time for my mom and dad separately, but in trying to make it nice for their kids it became a happy time, not fearful or frightening or sad or despairing.

Similarly, all the people you fought for @Fahrenheit451 , you fought so they could live, even if they didn't. Because it means something to be living.

So it sounds kind of blunt, and I get it, but living without hope and like the walking dead is something I've done consciously or unconsciously for a long time, but I don't think living is meant to be in the realm of ghosts. No matter how much they infringe.

I don't mean it as insensitive, or simply mind over matter (thoughts), just that this is all we've got. We've got to work with what we've got, or choose to, because left on it's own it would isolate us from everyone, strip us of all hope, and finish us off.

But, for me, it's not my place to judge others' needs, just meet them. As I would hope others would not judge me in my need. Far as flighty, mindless shopping, spending, partying and stress levels through the roof goes, it hardly sounds like a recipe for peace, joy and love. A relative and I long since have said, if the tradition is killing us, it's time for a new tradition. Do what sits well with you, and hopefully there are small moments of peace and something to be grateful for, or even someone you can share your support with who also finds the season very sad or difficult, because you can relate. I have had some of the sweetest, most profound meetings with people when we all either had no where to go, +/or nothing or no one to go home to.

But just my thoughts, not worth much. :notworthy: Not so much about what others are doing, or not, or deserve, or not, or think, or not. What would you like it to be? How or in what ways could it be meaningful for you, and is reasonable, or feasible? What would you choose if you weren't thinking of yourself, or your pain? What would you choose if you dropped your expectations? How can you choose for peace, laughter, comfort, self-care, privacy or inclusion, celebrating or grieving/ making peace, giving or being thankful, having a peaceful heart, and seeing through a child's eyes? Or even, getting through not based onwhat 'should' be, but what is best for ease, for rest, for coping, that is meaningful to you, etc.
 
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Justmehere

Sponsor
I'm a huge fan of Christmas in July when it comes to extended family. They all have their own crap about the holidays, and it's just too much all at once. As they sort of reconnect with me, I have focused on instead of celebrating at the holidays with people I really feel celebratory around... and then family connections can be later when there is more breathing room.
 

Lumos

MyPTSD Pro
What happened to a simpler time when people would feast and celebrate that the sun would start to gain strength again shortly after the Winter Solstice? ? People got selfish.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Perhaps I'm loosing my mind but the western society took a turn somewhere and got greedy.
Hard to separate capitalism from "greed" - but, generalizations are really not helpful when trying to manage the emotions that can go with stuff like this.

There are many, many people who live inside of western society who do not lose their minds with holiday shopping. Many, many people whose financial security is inextricably linked to those holiday shoppers, too. No generalization can be all good or all bad.

I've been married for 16 years and both my brother and sister are now divorced yet everyone caters to the new boyfriend/girlfriend. Am I crazy to be annoyed? So it's looking like yet again I'm making two separate trips to the same place, 4 hours on the road so it's convenient for everyone else. I'm highly thinking of staying home and spending time with my family.
That's a perfectly reasonable choice, and you get to make it. But I would say, not that you're crazy to be annoyed - only that it would be a big waste of your mental energy to be consumed by the annoyance. If you're looking to somehow punish the others by staying home, you're not going to get what you want, there. Stay home with you and yours if you want. Or pick one trip to make, if you want.

What do you want?
 

Friday

Moderator
What happened to a simpler time when people would feast and celebrate that the sun would start to gain strength again shortly after the Winter Solstice?
Year round food supplies, vitamin supplements, medicine, cheap clothes, & central heating. ;)

When people aren’t fighting to survive? Winter stops being the deadly enemy claiming the people you love year after year, and is just another season to enjoy. Or not. As one chooses.

Living is always more complicated than simple survival.
 
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