I have a date and im super scared about it.

jch

Confident
I'm a 39 year old virgin. I've never been on a date. It took a long time to begin coming to terms with being gay. I still haven't come out yet. So I've been talking to people online, and one guy, that seems nice, ask me out on Sunday. Do I tell my roommates, or do I hide it? That might hurt this guy's feelings, I don't know. I guess that's also a bad way to start things huh? I think we are going to watch movie at my place. I have the usual thoughts about pushing people away. I get a million thoughts about all the ways I'm not good enough to be with anyone. He asked me though. I'm just freaking out about it. I don't know how to act on a date. What do I talk about. I usually avoid social situations. I know this seems like teenage stuff, but I've never gone through this before. I could use some advice please.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Congrats on your date!
It sounds exciting and also totally understandable that you are nervous.

Couple of things: have you looked up safety advice about online dating?
Some of the advice is to meet in a public place the first time.
So I would just check in you're ok about him being in your home?
Do you want to double check what you want to do if he is in your home? I.e. are you going to watch a movie or is "watching a movie" code for having sex? All fine whatever, just make sure you are ok with what it all means.

Just be yourself. Be clear. No need to overshare anything. It's a first dates first dates are not usually heavy and deep conversations, but getting to know each other in general chitchat and knowing each others likes and interests.
Up to you if you want to share with your flatmates.
It might be unlikely that he will be hurt if you haven't shared with your flatmates that it is a date. Us gay people understand the challenges of coming out and navigating all that. I think this 'not being out' lends to only become an issue if it's a full on relationship and a partner is being hidden from your life/friends/family. So just say and do what is comfortable for you.

Good luck!
 

Sideways

Moderator
I hope I don't screw things up
Worst case scenario? It all goes horribly wrong. Keep it public and safe, and that's likely the worst case scenario - awkward silences, horribly unattracted to each other in person, terrible food, someone gets a cold or a massive zit on their nose the day before...

You will not only survive that? Your first date 'ever' will be behind you, and you'll eventually look back and laugh.

What you aim for, on a first date, knowing in advance both of you are nervous (if you're special to him, and he's genuinely interested, then he's nervous and wants to make a good impression. If he's not? Then you still get to go on a date. Win/win. But, if you've been chatting for a while and he's genuine? Then take it as a given - he's nervous too!) is to just have a good time.

That's it. Remember to breath, and remember: try and enjoy this moment for what it is. Which is, "This is me going on a date"🎉🎉🎉

This is an achievement all in itself. All you need to do is show up, and you've accomplished something huge. It doesn't matter if you're nervous. It doesn't matter if you don't look perfect (try to be comfortable!). It doesn't matter if your conversation is awkward at first (probably will be - dating is like that). It doesn't matter if you get a bit of food stuck between your teeth (or better still, he does - do I tell him, or pretend I didn't notice!?).

The details that seem really important? Aren't important. Because all you have to do is show up. If you show up as a nervous wreck? You've still won. You've still made an awesome accomplishment.

Stay safe, stay public. Beyond that? You only need to show up. Everything else is bonus. You got this:)
 
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