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I have DEBT/I don't deserve or can't earn more

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I have a super strong trigger when it comes to money. Because money issues are both- things I was born with (meant to do better), something that came as a result of not coping with PTSD for a while, AND the reason I couldn't leave a dangerous situation for a while. Money are all of those for me. Plus the general state of the world right now making it worse. So I am tangled in making less than I need but not having time to stop to make a change. So, the logical part of me knows that untangling that will take some time...

YET at any setback with money, I FREEZE. Even if it has happened before and I know it doesn't help. I freeze. I dissociate. I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach or my head. Everything goes blurry, time doesn't work like normally and I can't function. And I know that it would help me having clear head and rested body to find more opportunities and do the work I have, but I can't cope. It takes me days to snap out of complete numbness and fog and feeling like throwing up. When doing self-care it feels like if I am in this mess I need to spend every second solving it. Not a good message if solving everything might take years. Also I have this feeling like I have debt so I don't deserve to be earning a lot more than now, therefore keeping me from dealing...It's just a LOT. Like I can't have debt without feeling like lowest of the LOW. And treating myself accordingly.

Meanwhile bad self-care, nightmares every night and taking many breaks due to anxiety DO NOT help earn more. Hence keeping me in debt. And it goes on and on.
How do I change that thinking/doing?
You have what we call a disturbance going on in your mind. We train our minds to solve problems which means when a problem occurs, we cannot stop thinking about it. We are enslaved to our thinking and self-talk and it is usually negative. Start a journal and write down your thoughts throughout the day. You will be surprised with the damaging negativity that you carry around. Thinking runs and ruins your life because it controls you instead of you controlling it. Therefore, we have to learn to properly manage our thinking.

The first step is to always be aware of your self-talk and thinking. When you notice negative self-defeating thoughts, do not entertain them as this further gives them power. They then become stronger like a bully who wants to take you over. Every day we are guided by our thinking and our thinking creates feelings. Unfortunately, most of us are addicted to negative thinking as we ruminate on the past and have regrets or we are obsessing about the future and worrying. It doesn't have to be this way. If you desire to feel good, then you have to think good. Make a committed decision that you are going to love yourself and treat yourself well every day. It all starts with your thinking. There is a book called The Power of Now by Eckert Tolle. It is one of the most profound books on thinking and it will help you develop ways to tame your negative thinking.

Stop beating yourself up. You are going to get through this. Have you considered Consumer Credit Counseling? They can possibly consolidate your debt and get the interest lowered, as well as lower the overall payment. Is it possible to get a better paying job? Is it possible to further your education so that you will be more qualified for a better paying job? There are grants, scholarships and loans available. There is nothing wrong with having debt to further your chances of getting a better paying job. I hope this helps you!
I have a super strong trigger when it comes to money.
I don't have any advice, but I did want to let you know you are not alone. Money is a huge trigger for me.
YET at any setback with money, I FREEZE. Even if it has happened before and I know it doesn't help. I freeze. I dissociate.
Yeah. i avoid. Completely. And any of the unhelpful things we do just makes the situation worse, right?

Just wanted to say… Good ON for moving this to core beliefs / cognitive distortions. Because it really is.

Lots of reasons why. All f*cked up. Kick it to the curb. Full stop.
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