SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
I have a super strong trigger when it comes to money. Because money issues are both- things I was born with (meant to do better), something that came as a result of not coping with PTSD for a while, AND the reason I couldn't leave a dangerous situation for a while. Money are all of those for me. Plus the general state of the world right now making it worse. So I am tangled in making less than I need but not having time to stop to make a change. So, the logical part of me knows that untangling that will take some time...
YET at any setback with money, I FREEZE. Even if it has happened before and I know it doesn't help. I freeze. I dissociate. I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach or my head. Everything goes blurry, time doesn't work like normally and I can't function. And I know that it would help me having clear head and rested body to find more opportunities and do the work I have, but I can't cope. It takes me days to snap out of complete numbness and fog and feeling like throwing up. When doing self-care it feels like if I am in this mess I need to spend every second solving it. Not a good message if solving everything might take years. Also I have this feeling like I have debt so I don't deserve to be earning a lot more than now, therefore keeping me from dealing...It's just a LOT. Like I can't have debt without feeling like lowest of the LOW. And treating myself accordingly.
Meanwhile bad self-care, nightmares every night and taking many breaks due to anxiety DO NOT help earn more. Hence keeping me in debt. And it goes on and on.
How do I change that thinking/doing?
YET at any setback with money, I FREEZE. Even if it has happened before and I know it doesn't help. I freeze. I dissociate. I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach or my head. Everything goes blurry, time doesn't work like normally and I can't function. And I know that it would help me having clear head and rested body to find more opportunities and do the work I have, but I can't cope. It takes me days to snap out of complete numbness and fog and feeling like throwing up. When doing self-care it feels like if I am in this mess I need to spend every second solving it. Not a good message if solving everything might take years. Also I have this feeling like I have debt so I don't deserve to be earning a lot more than now, therefore keeping me from dealing...It's just a LOT. Like I can't have debt without feeling like lowest of the LOW. And treating myself accordingly.
Meanwhile bad self-care, nightmares every night and taking many breaks due to anxiety DO NOT help earn more. Hence keeping me in debt. And it goes on and on.
How do I change that thinking/doing?