i just want to stay home all the time, and hardly ever leave the house, i never use to be this way


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i dont think its agoraphobia becauase i dont have a panic attack every time i leave. years ago id leave my house and come back several times everyday. now i struggle to leave once a day for 10 minutes. i just want to hide out in my house with no other people around 95% of the time. and the other 5% of the time i still want to be at my house, but maybe with a friend over. i dont think im depressed, but i have ptsd from an abusive relationship. i never thought i would ever become like this. i dont even feel like im the same person i use to be. why do i never feel like going anywhere with anyone, and how can i change it?


Isolating can be either a tool used on purpose, or a nearly uncontrollable reaction ~ usually an instinctual attempt to avoid an even less controllable reaction. IME stress cup stuff. Stress rises too high, and in an attempt to avoid meltdown, one pulls back from the most stress inducing parts of life, or trades them like cards.... keeping this one stressful thing, by trading out 3 less stressful things.

The good news? Used as a tool, it becomes something you can enjoy, predict, and balance/account for in your life. So it becomes a benefit, rather than constricting your life, and coming with losses. As an example? I took 4 “vacations” a year, a couple of real vacations, and quite a few spur of the moment trips. What’s wih the quote around the first? I was a mom. Those 4 “vacations” were the school break camps I sent my son off on, between quarters. So he got to have wild and rousing adventures, while I got to sleep. And watch TV. And do other perfectly normal things. By. My. Self. Secure in the knowledge that he was somewhere safe, fun, and interesting. Relieving the stress of parenting, for enough time that I was excited to return to it. The couple of ACTUAL vacations? As well as the spur of the moment trips? I was relieving the stress of normal life, taking my kiddo off on adventures, so I could return to normal life excited to take it back on. 2 very different kinds of isolating, firstly all by myself, secondly with the person I loved best. <<< And those are just the flashier examples. I also took time, almost every day, to rest and recharge. Ditto, done on purpose, it wasn’t neglecting anyone or anything. It was just time I built into my life. Like I built other things into my life.

As a reaction? Is a much harder thing. I’ve walked away from more lives than I can count, losing everything in the process, just because I was “done”. Usually within a few months I was ready/willing/able to return to my life, but couldn’t. (Which is where the idea of vacations came from). But, in less drastic fashion, where I just pull back from almost everything & everyone? THAT can and has stretched years.) <<< The trick with massive/major isolation is thay my stress is too high. >>> When I walked away from everything, my stress levels gradually receded on their own, but then I had new stress in first trying to rebuild, and second, maintaining it. When I cut out almost everything? My stress pretty much stayed at the same level... just barely tolerable... not allowing for any increase at all :wtf: Lousy way to live, that. <<< So the thing to do? Is LOWER my stress levels, if I want the reaction to back off. Easier said, than done. Usually requires re-doing my life, the structure of it, in some way.