I keep trying to break me

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And everything around me.

Massive triggers and issues happened today at the ER. Can't seem to calm down. I'm supplied to have a minor medical test tomorrow they will put me under for and I instead signed a DNR and living will to refuse all medical care of all types. They threaten to call 911. Not suicidal but risky choose death over anyone in scrubs getting near me again.
oh I sooo get this.
I wish I had something to say that can help - but I know there really aren't any "right" words.
I get it.
But I also value you
Your guidance on this site, sharing your experiences and struggles, being a part of this community, it all matters more than you realize 💜
A new primary care is trying to do virtual care. Suggested I meet with the counselor in the clinic by telephone today. The couselor proceeded to spend 30 minutes demanding I go to urgent care to get anxiety meds for anxiety about doctors. Urgent care has a policy they don't treat anxiety mist go to primary care or ER. 30 minutes on this. Over and over. That was the entire help provided. I told the counselor to please never call me again.
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