I left my family Christmas

Chris416

New Here
Happy holidays everyone.

I don't know what to write. I feel like I'm not supposed to say anything. Does anyone else feel like a burden when they speak?

I was home for Christmas. I took the train home with my brother to see my mother. My brother and I took on the project of trying to put up my mother's new microwave over the stove. It turned out to be a bigger project than we expected.

I was getting stressed and the coaching from my mother in the background was getting on my nerves. I snapped and on Christmas I blurted out that I need her to stop! She's stressing me out, I have PTSD, diagnosed, having worked in years, just stop!

This is the first time I told her.

I regret saying anything. Especially on Christmas. I just left. My brother and I were going to leave together but I couldn't bare being around them.

I feel awful. I feel like I ruined Christmas for them.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I am feeling for you that you are feeling like this!

I do really understand feeling so stressed that you can't take it anymore.

Sending you TLC And Loving Kindness right now.
 
I don't think you ruined Christmas for anyone. We've all done things we regret and said things we wish we had said a different way. Tomorrow you can get up and try to figure out what you can do to fix things. But maybe tonight you can try to treat yourself with as much kindness as you can.
 

Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
Yeah, I do understand. Some people just don't get the severity of PTSD. Especially your mom ( sounds like) You'll think of something. Merry Christmas, BTW.
 

LuckiLee

MyPTSD Pro
It's ok. Take a deep breath and step back. Just worry about yourself right now.

So proud of you and you should be too.

Much love!!.💜
 

Clocked

New Here
We are so quick to blame ourselves for something. In my opinion the best thing you could’ve done was to reveal your condition, particularly to those in your inner circle. I hope that you were able to help them understand your condition and your left and right limits as a result of it. I also hope that they take it upon themselves to learn independently about PTSD for their and your benefit.
You did not ruin a Christmas. You removed yourself from a stressful and frustrating situation - I call that self-care.
 

Friday

Moderator
It took my mom a few years to wrap her head around the fact that if she crossed the line? (Also known as : Boundaries) I’d leave. Every time. No matter how big a deal the day/event was. Except my wedding, and in retrospect? I should have ;) So sayeth the divorced chick. But in all seriousness, I have left right in the middle of thanksgiving dinner, on my way to the airport (was dropping my kiddo off with her, picked him back up, walked out, called the airline & cancelled my flight), and a few other more or less memorable moments.

AFTER she wrapped her head around the fact that if she pulls certain stunts, I’m out? We became really good friends. For a very long time. For 15 some odd years, she was one of my closest friends.

I never told her I have PTSD. I never gave her a reason “why” I won’t tolerate being treated certain ways. I simply didn’t tolerate it. The whole “no” is a complete sentence, thing.

Maybe your mom will learn to respect your boundaries. Maybe she won’t. Maybe you leaving ruined their Christmas, maybe they had a fantastic Christmas, maybe they had a fantastic Christmas and are worried they ruined yours. There’s really no way to know what they are going through (although your knowledge and experience can predict if), what IS certain is that YOU are having a rough time. And that’s what you have control of. As they have control over their lives. So do what you need to do for you, if you want to have the strength to do for anyone else.
 
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Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Everyone has their limits. And 'you know' that leaving as quickly as possible is going to happen well in advance. It's horrible when that happens, I'm sorry. Hope you feel better soon.
 
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Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Leaving seems a brave thing to do?
Like others have said: self care?

And like others have said: figuring out what to do now.

Leaving was ok. It's not the end of something, but maybe the beginning?
 
M

Meebee

Dear Chris416
I think what Friday said was very wise. You have to know that sometimes leaving is the right thing to do before you say something you regret sometimes running away is the brave thing to do and sometimes it is the cowardly thing or the childish thing to do. Either way it was the right thing for you to do at the time to give you and your family space. Sometimes our emotions can overwhelm us. The thing you have to realise is why what is your reason for leaving, if you know why you can repair this. You also have to consider why your mum reacted how she did. Is it because she loves you. Is it because she wants to be able to control what happens and how it happens in her own home is she maybe feeling fragile too. Or is that she always behaves like this towards you. You need to know why she behaved like that too. First analyse previous situations in this respect. Think also about her health and if it has had an effect on her attitude. I don't believe that she should be allowed to treat you a certain way but at the same time you feel guilt about walking out and thus you need to talk about this with your mum and your brother (each on their own) and talk about how you felt and how she felt. Try to build a better relationship with your mum. This way if it doesn't work you know you will have tried. I had both a close and a strained relationship with my mum. It was difficult. It sounds like you may have an okay relationship with your brother if this is so then cherish it.

I have a terrible relationship with mine he was my mothers favourite (everyone who didn't witness this thought I was being ridiculous) he was a druggie (she helped him) then he was an alcoholic. But if I said one word against him then I was the baddie. I spent a few Christmas's alone and let me tell you it is hard. Both my mum and dad are now dead and my brother and nephew have spent the time since my just before my mothers death making my life hell including at my work (it is a public place). So please if its just a misunderstanding please work on it having a good family and the support you could get off them make life worth living. If your mum or brother knew a little about your ptsd then they would have the chance to be supportive. You cant control their reaction or feelings but you can give them the chance to choose to be there for you. Believe me many people would love to be in your shoes and have a family where the arguments are mild and normal. And anyone can react like that whether they have ptsd or not. Ptsd, depression and many other conditions affect they way we react to situations. It doesn't make us make the wrong decision but it can make everything more magnified and make us over react. This of course is not an excuse for others to use against us and put us down.

It has been a wee while since xmas but I do hope that you have a better situation with your family now. It can be something stupid that stops us talking to those we love and cause us to hurt each other or take out our hurt on those closest to us. But if you are not proactive then you can never rebuild those bridges or mend those fences. And maybe we turn a corner and find what we have lost forever. Be brave and reconnect. If you think you need mediation then get it. and take care and may everything work out for you and yours.
 
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