I left my family Christmas

Chris416

New Here
Happy holidays everyone.

I don't know what to write. I feel like I'm not supposed to say anything. Does anyone else feel like a burden when they speak?

I was home for Christmas. I took the train home with my brother to see my mother. My brother and I took on the project of trying to put up my mother's new microwave over the stove. It turned out to be a bigger project than we expected.

I was getting stressed and the coaching from my mother in the background was getting on my nerves. I snapped and on Christmas I blurted out that I need her to stop! She's stressing me out, I have PTSD, diagnosed, having worked in years, just stop!

This is the first time I told her.

I regret saying anything. Especially on Christmas. I just left. My brother and I were going to leave together but I couldn't bare being around them.

I feel awful. I feel like I ruined Christmas for them.
 

ms spock

Sponsor
I am feeling for you that you are feeling like this!

I do really understand feeling so stressed that you can't take it anymore.

Sending you TLC And Loving Kindness right now.
 
I don't think you ruined Christmas for anyone. We've all done things we regret and said things we wish we had said a different way. Tomorrow you can get up and try to figure out what you can do to fix things. But maybe tonight you can try to treat yourself with as much kindness as you can.
 

Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
Yeah, I do understand. Some people just don't get the severity of PTSD. Especially your mom ( sounds like) You'll think of something. Merry Christmas, BTW.
 

LuckiLee

MyPTSD Pro
It's ok. Take a deep breath and step back. Just worry about yourself right now.

So proud of you and you should be too.

Much love!!.💜
 

Clocked

New Here
We are so quick to blame ourselves for something. In my opinion the best thing you could’ve done was to reveal your condition, particularly to those in your inner circle. I hope that you were able to help them understand your condition and your left and right limits as a result of it. I also hope that they take it upon themselves to learn independently about PTSD for their and your benefit.
You did not ruin a Christmas. You removed yourself from a stressful and frustrating situation - I call that self-care.
 

Friday

Moderator
It took my mom a few years to wrap her head around the fact that if she crossed the line? (Also known as : Boundaries) I’d leave. Every time. No matter how big a deal the day/event was. Except my wedding, and in retrospect? I should have ;) So sayeth the divorced chick. But in all seriousness, I have left right in the middle of thanksgiving dinner, on my way to the airport (was dropping my kiddo off with her, picked him back up, walked out, called the airline & cancelled my flight), and a few other more or less memorable moments.

AFTER she wrapped her head around the fact that if she pulls certain stunts, I’m out? We became really good friends. For a very long time. For 15 some odd years, she was one of my closest friends.

I never told her I have PTSD. I never gave her a reason “why” I won’t tolerate being treated certain ways. I simply didn’t tolerate it. The whole “no” is a complete sentence, thing.

Maybe your mom will learn to respect your boundaries. Maybe she won’t. Maybe you leaving ruined their Christmas, maybe they had a fantastic Christmas, maybe they had a fantastic Christmas and are worried they ruined yours. There’s really no way to know what they are going through (although your knowledge and experience can predict if), what IS certain is that YOU are having a rough time. And that’s what you have control of. As they have control over their lives. So do what you need to do for you, if you want to have the strength to do for anyone else.
 
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Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Everyone has their limits. And 'you know' that leaving as quickly as possible is going to happen well in advance. It's horrible when that happens, I'm sorry. Hope you feel better soon.
 
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Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Leaving seems a brave thing to do?
Like others have said: self care?

And like others have said: figuring out what to do now.

Leaving was ok. It's not the end of something, but maybe the beginning?
 
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