Hi all,
I'm having some difficulties lately with interacting with my BFs family.
They are good people, mean no harm to anyone, are sort of 'simple' country folk and local here in the Pacific Northwest for many generations.
Imagine sort of a 'logger' family.......well, that's them. Great outdoorsmen, men are real men (which I adore about my BF) and they respect women.
Me being a Biologist by training and working in the regulatory field....we'll, lets just say that most of the time we just don't 'go there'.........and that's good.
Well, they also have a couple of 'tweaks' shall we say that has caused me to put up my guard, and the last time I noticed it is pretty much beyond my control that my guard is up.
They are sort of 'bigots'........and it makes me uncomfortable with all the 'chink' and 'token black' talk, etc..........but I can put it aside and my BF is not like that and is embarassed by them and says that they are old school and they can't help it. They truly mean no harm and I can tell. Still, it's causing my PTSD to kick in.
Also, they get to know you by 'teasing'.........I think most normal people would be OK with this. But this last time around them I notice I'm dissociating badly.........I can't come up with a come back........I'm wondering what they 'really' mean.......I'm just having a really difficult time staying present with them, whereas the first few times I was open and friendly and enjoyed their company............Now, I"m a mess.
I found myself yesterday fading away into the trees, taking something his brother said and trying to pick apart it's meaning later, watching out for any belittling. The fact that I'm dissociating is really bad, cause I come off as some kind of ditz.......or like I'm being rude and not wanting to converse further with them........I change the subject to talking about how nice their house looks, etc. Which is OK.........but I definately because of the 'pushing buttons' way of seeing what I"m made of has put me in a PTSD place.
I don't like this because my BF assures me I'm safe with them and that's just the way they interact...it is more comfortable for them. I'd be OK with it if I wasn't dissociating because I become a totally ditz.........
My BF and I talked and I know I'm safe with them..........but I don't think I'll be able to stop the dissociating now........it's a real drag and I can't get comfortable around them now.
Any advice? It's becoming a chore and I"m hating being so vulnerable, cause when I dissociate someone can be a real a*hole to me and I'd smile and thank them. Rob, the brother, after a couple of beers has already gone their a little bit, but BF says I will be OK and he will protect me when Rob has a couple.
But this is a drag............I feel the dissociation and I'm just not there with them..can't get to know them, can't enjoy the evening.........
I don't know how to stop it.
I'm having some difficulties lately with interacting with my BFs family.
They are good people, mean no harm to anyone, are sort of 'simple' country folk and local here in the Pacific Northwest for many generations.
Imagine sort of a 'logger' family.......well, that's them. Great outdoorsmen, men are real men (which I adore about my BF) and they respect women.
Me being a Biologist by training and working in the regulatory field....we'll, lets just say that most of the time we just don't 'go there'.........and that's good.
Well, they also have a couple of 'tweaks' shall we say that has caused me to put up my guard, and the last time I noticed it is pretty much beyond my control that my guard is up.
They are sort of 'bigots'........and it makes me uncomfortable with all the 'chink' and 'token black' talk, etc..........but I can put it aside and my BF is not like that and is embarassed by them and says that they are old school and they can't help it. They truly mean no harm and I can tell. Still, it's causing my PTSD to kick in.
Also, they get to know you by 'teasing'.........I think most normal people would be OK with this. But this last time around them I notice I'm dissociating badly.........I can't come up with a come back........I'm wondering what they 'really' mean.......I'm just having a really difficult time staying present with them, whereas the first few times I was open and friendly and enjoyed their company............Now, I"m a mess.
I found myself yesterday fading away into the trees, taking something his brother said and trying to pick apart it's meaning later, watching out for any belittling. The fact that I'm dissociating is really bad, cause I come off as some kind of ditz.......or like I'm being rude and not wanting to converse further with them........I change the subject to talking about how nice their house looks, etc. Which is OK.........but I definately because of the 'pushing buttons' way of seeing what I"m made of has put me in a PTSD place.
I don't like this because my BF assures me I'm safe with them and that's just the way they interact...it is more comfortable for them. I'd be OK with it if I wasn't dissociating because I become a totally ditz.........
My BF and I talked and I know I'm safe with them..........but I don't think I'll be able to stop the dissociating now........it's a real drag and I can't get comfortable around them now.
Any advice? It's becoming a chore and I"m hating being so vulnerable, cause when I dissociate someone can be a real a*hole to me and I'd smile and thank them. Rob, the brother, after a couple of beers has already gone their a little bit, but BF says I will be OK and he will protect me when Rob has a couple.
But this is a drag............I feel the dissociation and I'm just not there with them..can't get to know them, can't enjoy the evening.........
I don't know how to stop it.